what should i do about a problem i have with my daughter?

Question

she met a guy over the internet who she thought she was so in love with ? and so he comes to see her a 18 hr drive .. then after that she decides to leave and move up there with him .. she had only met him once he stayed down for 5 days . they talked alot on the phone for a month and a half . then out of the blue she decides to move up there with him...so i was devasted !!! i begged her not to go ..but there wasnt much i could do seeing she is 22.. so after being there for a week she is in bed about to go to sleep when much to her suprise another girl walks in to the apt ? it was his other gf who he did not mention to her ...she was crushed so she came back home .. thank god.. but now she is depressed . i would like to know how i can suggest to her not to make the same mistake? the internet can be so very scary and i worry for her safety ? any ideas? any help would be much helpful .. thanks a worried and loving mother....

Answer 1

I worry about my children on the internet as well, fortunately mine are young enough for me to put a stop to any relationship I feel uncomfortable with, as for your daughter... I would sit her down and tell her how much you love her and due to loving her so much, you worry and a worrying mother must say what's on her mind in order to be a good mother and a good friend. Tell her that internet relationships are dangerous, considering you never learn the persons true behavior. There is no way of knowing how this person reacts to life. How does he act when angry or scared. How is he with family, paying bills or even day to day activities. Let her know anyone can create a image over the internet of phone, but unless you have watched this person in day to day life, there is no way of truly knowing him. Tell her to take this experience as a warning, that it could have been worse, she could have ended up abducted or dead. I would try encouraging her that she is beautiful and wonderful and any man would be so lucky to have her and some day the right person will come along, but if she insist on meeting them over the internet, choose someone locally, someone she can spend time with and get to know in person. Make sure she knows you are always there for her.

I feel for you mamma! I know you are trying, but this is something she will need to learn on her own. Once the hurt is gone, she may start to see clearly where she made a serious mistake.

As for you mom, you are being a good mother but don't be hard on yourself for allowing your children to make their own choices, we have to do that, so that they can learn from their mistakes and if you try to make her decisions, you could lose her altogether. Good luck, I hope it all works out.

Answer 2

its not just the internet, people - male & female - are like this all over the world.
You just need to start talking to her again make her feel wanted, dont talk about this guy until she wants to open up or she will think you're gloating 'i told you so'.
Take her out for a few bottles of wine and just try to be positive and not dwell on what happened. OK she got suckered on this one and her pride is hurt, but it happened for a reason.
This was a learning experience for her and in future she will not be so quick to jump on the 'big love' bandwagon. It could've been worse he could've been a rapist or serial killer so really running off with someone you hardly know is not a good idea, shes found this out in a relatively soft manner.
She has also learned that whirlwind romances do not tend to last very long, thats all that has happened, a whirlwind romance is over.
In a month or two she will laugh off what happened as just one of those things and the bond between you will be stronger, so try and be positive.

Answer 3

Hi!
It's a shame that this had to happen to your daughter, but everything happens for a reason. As for warning her of the dangers of the internet and not making the same mistake, I think you can feel pretty safe in the fact that she would have learned a lot from this experience and would be unlikely to repeat it any time soon.
I'd suggest just being there ready with a cuddle and a cup of hot chocolate when she needs it. Any break-up is hard,the fatc that it happened when she obviously fell totally head-over-heels in love with this guy just makes it all the worse.
I hope this helps, and good luck for the future.
Luv
Metia
XO

Answer 4

It's fantastic that at 22 you're still trying to fix your daughter's problems.... I'm sure she appreciates all your support. As far as your question... I don't know if there's anything you can say or do...... I HOPE she's learned a valuable lesson, and keep in mind, she's young, she'lll probably learn a few more lessons about guys before settling down......... BUT, it's life. Just keep doing what you're doing... support her. Help her get out of the house and maybe encourage her to go out more... meet people close to home instead of via the internet... help her to find a hobby (gym, etc).... and try not to worry so much.....

Answer 5

I'm so proud of you for being such a good mom. My mom has never been there for me like that and I would love it if she was.

As I'm 22 myself and often make silly, irrational decisions, the best advice you can follow is to just let her make her own mistakes and be there when she falls.

There's no way you can tell a young woman like this what to do. She knows full well that the internet is a dangerous places and that people can be horrible. She is bound to make mistakes and bound to need you for the rest of her life.

Just let her know that you love her and you support her and you'll be around to talk and listen forever and ever. Don't offer advice, it will not be heeded.

Answer 6

The best thing you can do is just be there for her when she needs to talk or even if she just needs a hug, This kind of thing can happen to anyone and it just so happens that it happened to your daughter, but time is a great healer and I am sure that she has learnt from her experience a great deal and so she wont be doing anything of the sort again, or at least in the near future.
Even though she is 22 years old it doesnt mean that you cant still protect her, just give her advice and comfort when needed and it should be fine.
Good luck

Answer 7

this is not an issue of the internet, she can just as easily meet a guy anywhere around town and later find he has another gal pal. This was general bad judgement.Though you have not real control as she is of age you should have at least told her to slow down and take her time. Her moving in with him so quickly says a few different things about her, more then just poor judgement. She wants out of the house for one. tell her it was a hard lesson to learn and she needs to be more cautious thats all, lesson learned and to go out and meet people not just online

Answer 8

well there is not much you can do.
just be there for her in the difficult moments.
let her make her mistakes, never force her to do things or don't say that you totally disagree but also don't say that you agree.
explain her what the risks are, what can happen the bad things but also the good things. i think that is the best.she will learn of her mistakes.
specially this mistake she will not do again, she got hurt too much.
for the depression i would say wait a little bit and if you see than that its not going good than talk to her about counseling maybe that can help her.
never force her to do things or don't say that you totally disagree but also don't say that you agree.
explain her what the risks are, what can happen the bad things but also the good things. i think that is the best.

Answer 9

All you can do is give her good advice. Like you said,,she is 22 years old and there is really no way you can stop her from doing what she wants. Just be there for her and love her through this time of depression.

Answer 10

Just cancel the internet. It has done much harm becuz of one family member that abused it. Or restrict all chatting websites. Remind her that life is a school and she must learn from her mistakes.