How do I tell my friend to stop giving me parenting advice?

Question

My friend is giving me parenting advice non stop because she's been reading a parenting book written by a Nun (of all people to talk about being a parent) and she isn't even a mom herself! I have a 2 year old who is just like every other 2 year old. She doesn't want to eat, she throws fits etc.. But anyone will tell you that I'm a great mom and that my daughter is happy and a sweetheart. I'm sick of being told " Don't feed her this, don't ever do that.. don't punish ever!" I keep thinking "Just wait until theres a dirty diaper smeared across your kitchen wall or your kid is having a tantrum in the store and you are forced to leave" I would never ever spank my daughter but my friend is going so far as to tell me never to even give time outs. Who is she to give me this advice? She's been married for barely a year and has no idea what parenting is like. She's driving me nuts!!!

Answer 1

Let her know that you dont just "DO THINGS" with your child without making sure your in the clear or that you are right.
Here's some websites for new parents and let her know you refer to these or not..
http://www.parenting.com/parenting
http://parenting.ivillage.com/
http://www.parentsinc.org.nz/
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/
http://parenting.aol.com/parenting/onlyonaol

I know what you mean, and its hard to tell someone who you love someone who is your friend to BUTT out of your life.
Be calm and tell her nicely that you appreciate all she is doing for you but there are somethings that you need her to do less.
Explain to her that you understand that she is trying to help, but each child is different and each child responds differently to different things. There is no Tried and true book on raising kids.
While you can learn alot from a great many books, there is no set advice you MUST abide by other that state and federal laws.
Explain to her that the book she is expecting you to take heradvice from, is from a woman who has never married, has no true children of her own stepchildren or biological kids.
Explain to her that if she feels the need to give you parenting advice then you would more readily accept it if the source were from someone who were ACTUAL PARENTS!!!!
Do try to be calm however hard it may be, friendships are a dime a doezon, but true friends only come once or twice in a lifetime. In time you will learn to place these types of people on auto ignore, you hear them but you dont listen. Use your own best judgment for your child, along with your peditrican.. that should do you.

Answer 2

You will find that this happens FREQUENTLY and not just from friends.... (I imagine when you were pregnant you ran into a few of those strangers who had your "best interests" at heart.... I know *I* DID LOL) There is really no way to stop them from doing it, but that doesnt mean sitting back and taking it either.

Sit down with your friend (someplace fairly public so that you dont have to feel bad about walking away) and tell her " I appreciate that you have taken such an interest in parenting, but no book will ever teach you what real life can. Please dont pass on your knowledge anymore until you've been able to give it a test run with your own kids. Thanks for understanding." Then get up and walk away. Its direct and to the point without being mean and the fact that you get up and walk away tells her that you are not inviting discussion on the matter.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

If you want to keep her as a friend, just politely tell her that you appreciate her advice, but it doesn't work for your child (or whatever excuse you choose). If she doesn't have kids, tell her some things about being a parent, especially dirty diapers smeared across the kitchen wall. If you and others feel you are a good mom, just sit back and wait until she has them and give her advice that actually works.

Answer 4

There are several ways to stop people giving you unsolicited advice.

You may decide to just nod and do what you know is the right thing to do; just keep silent and allow them to rant on and on while you do what you know is the right thing to do.

You can look them straight in the eye whenever they start and give them a look that will tell them their advice is not needed/ welcome .

You can find some "neutral" time (when they're not giving you the advice) and tell them you appreciate their interest and concern for you to do a good job of parenting but would like for them to be a little more understanding of your need to get it right at your own pace, and that their nattering is just a wee bit unhelpful.

OR you could hold the same kind of meeting and tell them to please leave you alone.

If all these do not work, you can tell a mutual friend who may be able to mediate in the 'stalemate'.

If all these fail, then keep away from them until they come to their senses!!

I want to add that in most case such people think they're trying to help, so be considerate and try all means of approach to get them to understand how you feel.

All the best!!

Answer 5

I would just be blunt about it. Tell her that she has her own opinions but so do you so keep hers to herself. Also I just want to give you one piece of advice about the tantrums. I have a 3 year old and she did the same thing and I just brushed it off I am regretting that now because the tantrums have gotten worse. I wish I would have disciplined more to stop it then. There is nothing wrong with spanking as long as you have good self control and don't get carried away. Good Luck and just be honest with your friend.

Answer 6

I would go to Kmart and buy her a babyrattle or some inexpensive baby gift under $5, then wrap it up nicely and include a note. "I know you are very eager to be a parent, you have already even begun doing a lot of reading and reasearch, and you are soo eager to put everything into practice! So in anticipation of the great day you become a mother, I wanted to be the first to congratulate you!" If this hint is not enough for her and she continues giving you advice, buy her a fertility book "How to get pregnant fast" and wrap it up nicely again and write a note, "Hope this helps. I know you rely a lot on written word for parenting, so here are my two cents, hope it helps to get you pregnant soon! Best of luck!" And everytime she talks to you about parenting, abruptly switch the subject to fertility and pregnancy and ask her how is it going with the baby planning. Soon enough she will learn not to ask for unwanted advice!

Answer 7

It seems like to me a lot of people that have no experience like to give advice. Tell her you appreciate her caring about you and your child but she is your child and you would like to raise her the way you see fit to do so. something you can with her about the book thing is to ask if you can borrow it and do some research on your own with it. One of the reasons she may be doing this is because she's jealous of you wants to be a mom herself, she can put to practice all this stuff when she does become a mother.

Answer 8

You just come right out and tell her. If she doesn't take the hint, ask her if she'd mind shoving that nun's book in her rear. :)

The problem is, people feel free to give their advice out all the time, w/out being asked. It's just the way things are, unfortunately. Start advising her on something, maybe that'd help as well?

Answer 9

I would just politely tell her that you value her advice but you prefer to do it your own way as opposed to living life from a book. Tell her that when she has kids she'll understand. My best friend started babysitting a little boy and started giving me advice...that I wouldn't ever take. Luckily she doesn't go on and on about it. So when she gives me the not needed advice I just let it go in one ear and out another.

Answer 10

If push comes to shove tell your "friend" that you find her constant critisisum hurtful, you are after all the childs mother and it is up to you what punishment (if any) your child receives what she eats etc.. make a point in conversations to say "my son/daughter" or if that dont work break contact for a while.