Can someone tell these people how to raise their kids without physical punishment?

Question

I follow the questions here ragarding spanking of children and also asked before for what reasons people do that. It looks these people think their kids will do many terrible things if they don't spank them. I think mostly these people were themselves raised by this method and don't know what else to do. It also looks they have a low opinion on the intelligence of their kids and think force is what they understand best.
I was never physically punished as a child, I was also not arrested in my room and I didn't do any terrible things, and I also know that this is the case with many other kids. I feel that physical punishment of children must be something very wrong. But I don't have kids myself and so the only examples I can give of how to do it different are my own childhood experiences and what I heard from others. So I would like parents who don't spank to contribute to this discussion and to show alternatives.

Answer 1

I am so glad you don’t believe in spanking! It’s amazing how many parents here suggest spanking. I have worked in a preschool for over 12 years and, of course, cannot spank or I would be out of a job. Spanking is a form of punishment, not a form of discipline. Parents need to discipline their children. Not hurt them for them to comply. Spanking a child only teaches that you are more powerful than them and that you hurt others so that they will comply with your wishes. Children who are spanked are fearful of their parents and will only comply in order not to get spanked, not because they have learned self-control. 90% of American parents spank! I would bet money that a majority of these parents have not taken any parenting classes, have not read any parenting books, and have not spoken to educators about disciplining.

Over the years I have had to come up with alternative techniques to disciplining children and they work! Using natural and logical consequences whenever possible work best. Taking away a toy or privileges when a child misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he or she throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If a child makes a mess, they clean it. If they break something, it goes in the trash and no one can use it. If they can’t sit politely with the class, they get placed away from the group until they are ready to sit politely. The discipline always fits the crime.

Another technique I use when a child is misbehaving is this. As soon as they misbehave, I get down to their level and say "I don't like when you (I explain what and why)." I take them gently by the hand and put them in a spot away from the other children and say "When you're ready to (control yourself, listen, behave) then you can come back with us." This is not a time out because I do not set a time limit (me controlling the child). The child returns when he or she is ready to control themselves.

I notice children when they are not misbehaving. I say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders and help children to feel powerful in a positive way.

I always set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. I’ll say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time I say it. I say "Yes" as much as possible. I am patient and consistent. All this without spanking!

Answer 2

I was spanked when I was growing up if I did something out of line. And, I turned out fine. Alot of these kids today who are NOT spanked, have obvious behavioral problems because they know they are not going to get spanked so they can do the same thing over and over. Back in the old days going to Catholic school, I can remember how the nuns would crack your knuckles with rulers, the principal would paddle your butt, etc. And that was probably the BEST thing they could have done!! And, I do NOT agree with NO spankings...what should we do, let the kids get away with everything? And, nowadays, it is very very hard to control children since the statistics are very high of whildren in broken families....which is why they act out in the first place. Spankings are good, if you don't leave marks or bruises, and they are warranted. Because you can talk till you are blue in the face to your child about misbehaving and it will most likely go in 1 ear and out the other........in any case, try having your own kid(s) and you will see exactly what I am talking about. Things are different now and they act out much more whereas back then, you wouldn't dare talk back to your parents let alone yell or curse at them.....without knowing your a$$ would be whipped.

Answer 3

The appropriate punishment really depends on the child and whatever it is the child has done/not done. Like you, I don't believe in spanking a child unless they have done something very wrong, so I usually resort to time-outs or loss of privileges (TV, computer, X-Box, etc.) There are only two instances where my children would definitely get a spanking: (1) If they ever said "no" to me or their mother, and (2) If they threw a temper tantrum and didn't stop immediately when they were told to.

One tactic my brother uses is "counting." He is very good about not raising his voice to his children and saying please and thank you when he asks them to do things, but he expects them to listen to him, so if he tells them to do something or to stop doing something and they appear to be blowing him off he starts counting. If he gets to ten, they get a time-out or a spanking (READ: One swat on the butt) depending. They're usually very well-behaved, but there are some days where they just don't seem to listen to him, and it's usually on those days where he has had to talk to them over and over again about doing what they're told that they get spanked.

Answer 4

My children weren't able to live past the first trimester of pregnancy, so i can't use knowledge from that. but i CAN use knowledge from my own experiences. I grew up in a household where physical punishment was taboo. (except for the occasional barely touched spanking. that was more-so a "scare" tactic) I've seen the difference btwn those of my friends that were beat as kids, and those of us who weren't. And let me tell you!! those of us who weren't, had a higher self-esteem, were independent thinkers, and very creative to say the least. the list of differences could go on forever! Also, intelligence has not ONE damn thing to do with it. the kids that are getting beat on, they know EXACTLY what's going on. And if those parents don't watch what they do.....their kids will hate them. My friend was beat her whole life, and finally her dad came after her one night, and she stabbed him. (he's unfortunately still alive) Speaking from a "teenage" point of view (i'm 19), we HATE parents like that. not "detest", not "dislike".......i mean HATE!!

Answer 5

I don't have kids yet, I cannot tell you for sure if I'd use some form of physical punishment or not. I think it would really depend on the individual child's temperment.

Answer 6

See if you can get hold of Supernanny Joe Frost's book. She has some great ideas on discipline without using physical punishment!

Answer 7

Depends on the child's personality

Answer 8

i use the Time out '' which is stop everything youre doing sit in chair least 2-5 minutes .. are the stand in the corner and count.
seems to work .

Answer 9

just time to think. my house has a room that is colored light orange and it has NOTHING in there Only a ceiling light. My mom make me go in there and think about what I did.