Why is it that men are emotionally unavailable?

Question

I see many of my single friends in a similar situation, they find men that are so detached even from their own selves, they are simply emotionally unavailable, they say one thing but do another, are men so afraid to get involved or is it just pure pride, macho stuff, what do you think?

I hate to say it, but people like Colleen are wrong, I'm not the regular young girl and I'm not trying to make someone complete my life, I have a successful career, financial stability, and I'm in my mid 30's, most of my friends say I'm very mature Y have a lot going for me. I'm open and I don't agree with your answer, I know you have to be whole with yourself and from within.

You sound so bitter too, don't generalize
(this is for Coleen)

What do you have to do, to get the right man?

Answer 1

Not all men are afraid of showing and/or verbally expressing their emotions. Maybe the "boys" you are talking about are just immature.

Answer 2

Hi. Great question, Intellect.

Yes, a great many men are emotionally unavailable. And that term alone covers a wide area of their behaviour, from the most extreme macho acting out to their simple inability to discuss feelings. The answer to your question about why this is so is fairly simple: this is true because we (both men and women) have made it that way. We have all participated in creating a child-rearing practise that starts the ball rolling and a culture that supports it all the way through life. Who were the mothers of these men? Other women like us. We are all part of the problem. We need to make an adult decision to change our attitudes, not just as individual men, but as a community.

Answer 3

I have friends who seem absolutely impossible to be serious with a girl, but at the same time they are not the 1-nite stand type. I think guys who have been alone for some while or have been in a bad relationship simply connect themselves more difficult.

Therefore, I think it's more insecurity then macho stuff in most cases.

Answer 4

The problem is that for some reason young women tend to think they HAVE to have a relationship in order to be validated. These guys would be emotionally involved IF they felt anything REAL for these women. But they don't, it's just that these women are so pushy and demanding. All the poor guys want is friendships and the women are pushing for relationships way too early. Stop looking for someone to "complete" you and start looking within yourselves for validation. Stop thinking that just because you've gone out with a guy a couple of times you are in a committed relationship, you're not, you're just dating the guy. Stop trying to make it more than it is.

Answer 5

Whether it is immaturity, selfishness, self centered or just plain not right for you, these are the type of men you should avoid. All men are not like that, though many of them are. It is designed to keep women off guard and to exercise a form of control.
My suggestion is to make a list of things to watch out for and some things you will not tolerate. You must be your master and never let any man control your life. Be up front yourself...and require that of others. Set a time limit that you will involve yourself with a person before you determine whether or not he is worth investing any more of your precious time. "To thine own self be true".

Answer 6

It in not just a guy thing. You ladies are expresing this thing in another way. We try to protect from hearthbrake by hiding our sentiments, and to the outside we are like a stone. Try to crack the surface of the stone and you'll find wormth and a sensitive hearth. Try not to breake it because the outside stone wall will be eaven more hard to breake for another.

Every men has a heart.

Answer 7

I agree u should read the mars venus book.Also look to yrself and girls/women in family and close circle of friends for the wmotional side of yr life. Men 0alot of them, can only do so much in that dept. They can show their love in other ways(I dont mean the physicalpart, thats obvious) such as earning a living to support you and kids, working on house and cars to keep you and kids protected etc. The real emotional stuff seems to keep coming from other female to each other, if we can learn not to be too catty and competitive w/them we can help each other alotin this dept. to fill in the gaps of our guys w/good intentions but w/o a clue. Finally, men need training from us as to what we need. If you give them the idea of what hurts your feelings and what makes you feel loved, they will often respond, just not spontaneously. (I read they can actually be trainedlike dogs, though that' kinda rude!)

Answer 8

Men are analytical problem solvers and spend most of their time detaching themselves from emotions involved in making decisions. Men are driven almost exclusively by their own concepts of success. When things are good men are a pleasure to be around. When things are going poorly they are bears. Men are emotionally selfish. We love women but always keep a certain amount of space between ourselves and our wives, girlfriends, and lovers. We want you around when we want you around and the rest of the time we want to be alone... that is the ultimate in selfishness but it is pretty much true. That is why it always seems that you are annoying us. We don't include you in every part of our lives... most men can't wait to go to work and wish they could work late... sad but true.

Answer 9

If I do care, then I'll get involved. We even have more feelings than woman.

Deep down inside, we do care but sometimes we just don't wanna show that we're weak. So probably is that macho, pride stuff.

But if you wanna see that person be emotional, get 'em drunk. I think it'll work lol.

Or maybe, you're just talking about jerks. lol i dont know.

Answer 10

Ofcourse we have to be this way sometimes
Because the First Things woman will do when a man showing his emotion
is use it and start some nonsense
lol
i am sorry but hey that is the truth
peace

Answer 11

Depends how the men were raised, if the mothers thought them or allowed them ....for some reason when boys are little the dad's think they shouldn't cry..while sometimes the mother just baby's them...but I believe when you are raising a Male, you need to teach them how to love and express themselves and that it is ok to cry and show emotions.