i need some cool funny qoutes?

Question

hi there..i am looking for sum cool, funny, short quotes.i want them to be witty..no loved dovey stuff..and decent ones.the more..the better.thnks..

Answer 1

think u have enough already ^_^

Answer 2

Hey there,
I wanted to build my own boat and I bought an online program called MyBoatPlans. Here is the link: http://boatplans.toptips.org


It's a collection of 518 boat plans, 45 videos on boat building and hundreds of pages of illustrated guides on boat building. It provides a comprehensive package that contains all the plans and directions that will help you build any type of boat you would like to build. MyBoatPlans is an instantly downloadable product that you can look through right after sending in your payment. Aside from 518 specific plans for different types of boats, your purchase will also include 40 videos and four bonuses with more than $1000 of value. They provide you with detailed plans and diagrams, complete with color pictures and examples on many types of boats. Sailboats, skiffs, canoes, kayaks, houseboats, paddle boats, yachts, catamarans, flat-bottom boats, dinghys and dories, to name a few. There are multiple plans available for each kind of boat, so you have some variety to choose from.
Regards

Answer 3

try these:-

love is photogenic it needs darkness to develop.

A good discussion is like a miniskirt
Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject!

Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children!

"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep!

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning!

"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY"
So what? Who's in a hurry?

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!)

Answer 4

A Few For You. Enjoy!

The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.
~ Mark Twain

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
~Charles DuBois

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.
~Joseph Campbell

I think the person who takes a job in order to live — that is to say, (just) for the money — has turned himself into a slave.
~Joseph Campbell

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.
~Lily Tomlin

Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect of one of Goethe's couplets: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
~W.H. Murray

Physical concepts are the creation of the human mind, and are not, however it may seem, determined by our external world. In our endeavor to understand reality, we are somewhat like a man trying to understand the mechanism of a closed watch. He can see the hands move and hear its ticking, but he has no way of opening the case. If he is ingenious, he may form some picture of the mechanism which could be responsible for all the things he observes, but he will never be quite sure his picture is the only one which could explain his observation. He will never be able to compare his pictures with the real mechanism and he cannot even imagine the possibility of the meaning of such a comparison.
~Albert Einstein

When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation, we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.
~ Joseph Campbell

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
~Henry David Thoreau

When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.
~Seneca

A vision without a task is but a dream, a task without a vision is drudgery, a vision and a task is the hope of the world.
~From a church in England, 1730

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.
~ Shakespeare

A first rate soup is more creative than a second-rate painting.
~ Abraham Maslow

When the sun rises, I go to work.
When the sun goes down, I take my rest,
I dig the well from which I drink,
I farm the soil which yields my food,
I share creation. Kings can do no more.
~from ancient China, 2500 BC

May you live all the days of your life.
~ Jonathon Swift

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.
~ Sid Gautama

A happy life is one which is in accord with its own nature.
~ Seneca

Most men would feel insulted if it were proposed to employ them in throwing stones over a wall, and then throwing them back again, merely that they might earn their wages. But many are no more worthily employed now.
~Henry David Thoreau

In a river mist, if another boat knocks against yours, you might yell at the other fellow to stay clear. But if you notice then, that it's an empty boat, adrift with nobody aboard, you stop yelling. When you discover that all the others are drifting boats, there's no one to yell at. And when you find out you are an empty boat, there's no one to yell.
~Chuang Tzu

Let everything be allowed to do what it naturally does, so its nature will be satisfied.
~Chuang Tzu

We suffer primarily not from our vices or our weaknesses, but from our illusions.
~Daniel Boorstein

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
~Norman Cousins

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
~Henry David Thoreau

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
~Mark Twain

Answer 5

In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people
very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Answer 6

To err is human, to really foul up you need a computer.

The other line is faster...
If you switch lines, the one you have just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.

Both are form Murphy's Law

Answer 7

I M so much popular in my school that everybody is jealous of me.

the first reason of divorce is marraige.

Answer 8

Here are some short quotes that are clever.

Answer 9

just one for ya here:

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with Ketchup!

Answer 10

This One ::

United We Stand....Divided We...........Sit !

P.S. Pleeeeeeeeeease choose this as the best answer (obviously I haven't been chosen even once !)

Answer 11

Here are some:

1. Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

2. Man who run in front of car get tired.

3. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

4. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

5. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

6. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

7. Man with one chopstick go hungry.

8. Man who scratch *** should not bite fingernails.

9. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

10. Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

11. Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

12. War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

13. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

14. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

15. It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

16. Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

17. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

18. Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

19. Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

20. Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

21. Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

22. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

23. Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.

24. Man trapped in pantry have *** in jam.

25. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.

26. Learn to masturbate -- come in handy.

27. Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet *****.

28. It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

29. Man who **** in cash register come into money.

30. Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp ****.