Yes. I have had issues with lowlifes and getting close with them. I tried to play hero with my last two girlfriends. But when things started going in a positive direction it all fell apart.
I suppose I cant get more than a couple positive answers to this question. aside from all the snide rhetoric which is sure to accompany, they will be much appreciated.
For personal reasons (i.e. age, relationship history, desire to have children with a coherent partner) I dont feel that I have the time necessary to devote to someone that needs to be stabilized before she can even be respected to make her own decisions ok.
I want a mature partner and nothing else will do.
everyone has demons. now how to identify some very early on? brainstorm with me? thanks.
2006-09-17 20:08:05 · 8 answers · asked by jorluke 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know you said you want a relationship, but it sounds like you are trying to start out in a hole. You didn't say how old you are, only that age was an issue. The older you get, the thinner the herd gets. More and more potential mates have washed out on at least one occasion either because of abuse or because of personality flaws. The same goes with women looking for new men. Gossip can be a good thing, if you know someone mutually, ask them what's up with so and so. Start out slow, coffee, etc., find out what turns them on mentally, what they do during their spare time, steer clear of relationship issues until you have a real date. Lack of eye contact is a sign that you should forget her immediately, unless she is a tradiitional Asian woman. If she turns away from you, same thing. If she brings up her last boyfriend, see if you can coax the breakup story out of her.
2006-09-17 20:20:15 · answer #1 · answered by Scott K 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, Hitler… I think the problem is about giving. That ‘is’ what we do in a relationship.
Now-a- days it is difficult (as you know) to find someone without baggage – since so many have grown up in dysfunctional families. Usually a way to recognise someone unstable is someone who has a low self-esteem in spite of some modest accomplishments. If she feels the need to brag, if she cares too much about what others think, if she puts herself down, etc. this could easily indicate that she is in need of a very giving, very compassionate, very insightful partner.
She is needy – not necessarily bad mother material at all, but she will need a partner who thinks about her needs. I think another tendency in an abused woman could be depression or slight recklessness. These things can be conquered with a giving partner – so she would not be a good prospect for you – you are right.
2006-09-17 20:22:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely worth asking....the thing that comes to mind is that maturity plays a very large part in this. And of course, maintenance. When you find an attraction to a very pretty woman...nice hair, nice clothes...nice ..well everything...you will find nice, high maintenance. Of course, the more mature woman can play both, the niceties just play their part. You sound like an intelligent, honest man. Honesty, integrity and respect come to mind when I was forced to go out into the cruel world of dating after 20 years with my ex. But I truly have to say, I found that I didn't bother "looking" "searching" or whatever, if you will. I found that the relationship found me. I'm not going to say ..I gave up. But my new attitude was that I was going to be patient....yet spontaneous and try a few things I wasn't used to...maybe somewhat out of my very own character. So, don't give up....that special someone is out there. I truly believe that.
2006-09-17 20:15:44 · answer #3 · answered by chatterella 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you need to be committed even before you get to know your partners well?
Get to know them first before any commitments to a relationship. During your friendship stage, you will be able to find out more about them, right?
Since you are pretty clear as to what you are looking for in a woman, what's the problem with this approach?
2006-09-17 21:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i went with a girl once who was abused and every time we started to make out i would touch her she would knock my hand away we never did make to second base . look for a person who wears long sleeves and is kind of jumpie won't answer questions when you ask if something is wrong and seams just stiff around you
2006-09-17 20:17:54 · answer #5 · answered by dalecollins64 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in every relationship if u start on with decisions of the future it is sure to scare the other person....take every stride as it comes.....let things take their own sweet time.
2006-09-17 20:11:52 · answer #6 · answered by uknownotlove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
before you start to get serious, spent time talking and getting to know that person. eventually any baggage with come to the surface.
2006-09-17 20:13:44 · answer #7 · answered by mariposa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
huh..
2006-09-17 20:11:26 · answer #8 · answered by hisahito 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋