I've been seeing this man for a while now. He's had some serious surgeories on his heart. He's funny, sweet and charming. And while things have gone quite well, he's suddenly pulling away. I know it can't be because i'm smothering or mothering him. He has the right to do as he chooses and I try to understand. His words say: no committment, no picket fences, no promises...his eyes and body language say something entirely different. He still has a hangup over someone else, and I can't stop that I know. But I am in love with the guy. I'm also very lost and hurt. I don't know what to do. Should I move on or be more understanding and give it more time, or should I simply give up on any hopes and dreams I've had? I used to believe in love forever, now I don't. How does one deal with someone who has time for everyone else and me only when he chooses to? Is this fair? I hope someone can offer some kind of help. thanx.
2006-09-17 19:55:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds to me like there are two main issues here. First, if he is carrying a torch for someone else and does not make time for you then that is enough in and of itself for you to seriously consider ending things so that you can deal with the hurt and move on to find someone that makes you a priority in his life. Secondly, from what you described as his health concerns it does not surprise me at all that he is "pulling" away from you. He may be dealing with or facing his own mortality and he may be pushing you away as a way to save you from the larger pain and hurt that might be caused down the road if his heart ailments take him from you. You are fabulous and wonderful- your love, time, and affection is a gift. If this man won't commit to you then you need to live your life and find the man who will.
2006-09-17 20:04:47 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no question that his physical condition is a major if the not the major issue making him say what he says. His hangup over someone else is keeping everything and everyone at bay including you. If he knows how you feel about him and you are willing to accept a relationship with no strings attached, no mixed messages, and no promises then I would do whatever was needed to assure that with him. But maybe you deserve better. If a person has time for everyone else and you seem to be last on the list, you deserve better. He is giving you all he can and you have to ask yourself if it is enough. Personally, I don't think it is. In which case, I would move on.
2006-09-18 03:12:20 · answer #2 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you've answered your own question toward the end of it! "He has time for everyone else" and YOU "when he CHOOSES to". Girl, love is NOT a feeling! It's A CHOICE you make to COMMIT YOURSELF to someone! He is OBVIOUSLY not committed to you! Since "Love is a two way street", are you sure that this isn't just INFATUATION on YOUR part towards him? Anyway, I believe that, even though IT REALLY HURTS, you need to GET OUT.....NOW! Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for GREATER hurt and disappointment! And you don't need that! You're worth more than all that aggrivation and heartache! Besides, I'm available! (Sorry! I HAD to throw that in!) But really, he is TELLING YOU "it's over baby!" Take the hint in a real bad way! Even though this will be hard at first, eventually you'll be GLAD you did! And remember, there are LOTS MORE fish in the sea! You'll find "the right catch"! Just keep "fishing"! And yes, TRUE love IS for ever! PS....I'm 47 and single! (hint! hint!) OOPS! Sorry, there I go again!
2006-09-18 03:11:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only offer this...It has taken me 40+ years to find the girl of my dreams. I've lived a few of those years hanging onto similar acting women ( as you've described your man). I wish i'da chosen more wisely and not lived with my heart on my sleeve for so long. I was alone for about a year when we met 7 years ago, and I wasn't even looking. Don't sit and wonder, hope and dream, sit back and the right one will come out of nowhere. Don't be a bootie call at your age!
2006-09-18 03:09:25 · answer #4 · answered by twostories 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Sam, what a painful place to be in, I really feel for you. If he is not over a past love, then I wouldn't be hanging around in the romantic arena hoping for him to focus totally on you, you need to move forward with your own life (not excluding him) and you never know, you might meet someone really nice. Don't give up on love just because things in the past have gone sour, not everything in life is guaranteed (except death and taxes) You say that your "lost" well you might just need time to yourself and work things out in your life like where you are going, what you want out of life. He may not feel the same towards you and have only just realized that your feelings are far more deep for him than his are for you and this could be why he's backing off. I know that it dosnt stop your heart from hurting, but you have to move forward at some point, it's only fair to you. No one reallly knows but this gentlman, and if it would ease the frustration, just ask him what's going on, but be prepared for whatever the answer will be. I hope things work out of you and don't give u on love .........love hasnt given up on you.........
2006-09-18 03:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is telling you he is not ready to commit on a higher level. Ask yourself how does he treat you. Does he treat you with respect, appreciate you, make you feel safe and protected, and understand your boundaries. If things are good between the 2 of you then just wait and see. Don't ask him about committing on a higher level. That can be a turn off.
Just kind of back off from the smoothing and mothering him and be a little bit more busier. Let him think and chase you. Don't feel sorry for him that he isn't over his past love. Don't come running when he wants you. Know what you want. You want him to forget about his past love and want you. Just play hard to get.
I hope I've helped you.
2006-09-18 03:06:27 · answer #6 · answered by Blah Blah Blah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a couple of issues here..if he is still hung up on someone else then it feels as if you are fighting a losing battle...if he still harbours hopes of being with that other person then he won't commit to you and if, emotionally he cant move on from her then he can't commit either emotionally...Maybe his heart surgeries have made him pull away because he feels he would be a liabilty to any woman (ill health etc) and fears if you were with him you might end up having to care for him. I reckon you need to broach all this with him and clear the air and if he says he will never settle down with you then you can move on...thats difficult, but ultimately it would be pointless staying with him if hes never going to give you what you need. Good luck...
2006-09-18 03:02:35 · answer #7 · answered by Saskia M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow!!! This really hit close to home. I to have just had 2 stents placed in my heart at the age of 43. You and your situation sound alot like mine and my girlfriends. She doesn't pressure me at all but she clearly wants more out of this relationship than i am prepared to give. When i suffered my heart attack i relized just how short life really is. I do care about her but i've had to re-prioritize some things in my life. I know how mean this must sound but sometimes that's just the way life goes. You have to do what's best for you. For me, part of it is also knowing that i will always be on medication and there's always the chance that something else could happen (another heart attack) and i don't want her to have to go through that again. She was there through it all but i'm just kind of a loner and sometimes i don't know how to accept the fact that she really does care.
2006-09-18 03:41:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sound like he was up front- no committment - no picket fences- that says it- forget about the mush and the blush-you should have guarded your heart, and not given it away to someone that does not wnat it or deserves it. Walk away- do not call and do not look back- and learn from this- take care- D
2006-09-18 03:04:11 · answer #9 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he might be going through mid life crisis, I would like to tell you to give it some time, but in reality ,no one can answer this for you, If that is what it is , your leaving, might make him realize what is important in his life. On the other hand if he has just lost interest, then leaving might be the best thing for you to do. Talk to your pastor , or a counselor, sometimes they can see options others cant, sometimes they cant, but its worth a try
2006-09-18 03:12:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋