ok, so i've been with my boyfriend for almost 3yrs. we have a little girl shes one and we have a modest relationship. We dont get to spend much time together because he now works out of town..he calls me twice or maybe four times a day but very breafly.(2 min each call) the latest he calls is about 9 and he always says i'll call you back but never does the next day he says he went to bed but when i call the truck phone its sometimes busy (at around 11) i know he works with four other men and it might be them on the phone, but ok when he gets home the first thing he wants to do is go drink with our friends. i have to practically beg him to go to dinner with me..he says i can go with my friends but later when we are out he says he would of got mad if i would of gone with my friends.hes also said if our friends go he'll go..we always end up going ourselfs and having a great time. is it just in my head that hes cheating and i just requier lots of attention or do i have a point.
2006-09-17 18:32:18 · 13 answers · asked by nahdya21 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
we are living together, we have been for 2 1/2 yrs.
2006-09-17 18:43:24 · update #1
Sounds like he is just very comfortable in the relationship, sometimes that happens. You forget that the other has needs and think that everything is perfect. I would suggest when he gets home, that the two of you have a heart to heart talk. Discuss how you are feeling, what your needs are in this relationship and as well that you need more quality time when he is home. Do explain that you do support his career however. If you two are unable to communicate, suggest couple counseling.
As to the cheating part, I honestly can not tell you if he is cheating. There are some subtle things to look for..
The word infidelity brings with it fear to every woman I've ever had the opportunity to speak with. While many make the claim that their spouse would never cheat on them they realize that is false hope and that it could very well happen to them.
When trying to decide if your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you, you should start by looking for some of the warning signs.
Lower desire to be with you sexually.
Suddenly tries new sexual positions.
Working late more often.
Mysterious phone calls.
Gets angry when you look at the cell phone, pager, or computer. Is secretive of such.
Smell of perfume on their clothing.
Takes a shower as soon as he comes home.
You find hairs or other objects on his body or in his possessions.
Starts taking more care with his appearance.
Accuses you of cheating.
He changes his normal routine without cause or reason.
Now it's really easy to look at a list like this and see something that your husband does. That's why it's important to remember that you are looking for changes in his behavior. If you husband normally takes a shower as soon as he gets home from work then it is unlikely that this is a sign of his cheating. You are looking for multiple changes in behavior, routine, or personality; not isolated incidences or incidences that do not last. Take for example the lower desire to be with you sexually. This would be common when your husband is sick or under pressure at work. This alone should not raise any red flags. However, if you notice this and then a week later he comes home smelling of perfume, this is cause for alarm.
There are many people out there claiming to be experts who will tell you that you should confront your husband when you become suspicious but, that is on of the worst things you can do. I've even read that you should confront because the longer you wait the better they become at lying to you. I believe these people have never been in your position. To confront without some sort of evidence will only lead to more lies. Do not be fooled, your boyfriend or husband has been lying to you for quite some time and is really good at it.
If you confront without evidence you will be lied to. They will even lie when you have the evidence. Without evidence you will be left with more doubts than when you started and you will feel as if you are crazy. Your husband will spin it and make it seem as though he just can't believe that you would think such a thing about him. Also, you can bet your last dollar that he will become much more careful of his actions and behaviors and you may never find the truth. Also consider the possibility that your suspicions are unfounded. What will happen to your relationship if you confront then? You valued your relationship so little that you jumped to conclusions and accused your husband of cheating without any proof!
Some links below
Good luck
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-17 18:34:59 · answer #1 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think he is cheating , it does however sound as if he may be going out and having some drinks with the boys from work every night , it sounds more like hes a drunk than a cheat .........but one can lead to the other real quick .........if he is just a boyfriend and you barley spend time together , I would try to find something for your to do yourself , like a hobby or a different boyfriend ...........good luck .
2006-09-18 01:36:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you don't require a lot of attention. You are trying to get the father of your child to spend quality time with you and your daughter and there is nothing wrong with that.
Maybe you need to say to him that one phone call a day for half an hour is better than four a day for two mintues.
2006-09-18 01:36:45 · answer #3 · answered by Mel ~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you if he is cheating but from your question, it feels like you might be a little clingy. Perhaps you might sit down and talk it out with him. If he dismisses your fears, you might want to suggest moving in together. Watch his reaction. Tell him that for the sake of your daughter, you feel you should both be present in her life. Good luck! :)
2006-09-18 01:39:19 · answer #4 · answered by janicebks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, you have a right to be suspicous. I would. Somethings fishy, but not quite strong enough to prove somethings up. My best advice just ask him whats going on. A woman can always tell when a man's lying, especially if you ask him out of the blue, then it wouldnt give him time to think of a lie.
2006-09-18 01:35:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, hes just a hardworking man. and he is tired, hes not cheating. dont get all worked up over it, ok honey? and for the attention thing, spend time online and get attention that way, dont seek attention by cheating on HIM.
2006-09-18 01:35:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry it sounds like you have a controlling cheating a** on your hands do what you want to but if you kick him to the curb file for custody first he could run since his job is to travel he could easily just take her to work w/him
2006-09-18 01:40:53 · answer #7 · answered by Crystal D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from what i read i would say " yes" but that is me. you should go with your guts and your instincts-if they tell you that something is not right then it probably is not. remembe rthat your intuition never lies...or fails...and if he is cheating on you, move on and find someone better for yourself beause obviously he is not good enough for you by the way he treats you and acts towards you no matter how tired he is
2006-09-18 01:41:53 · answer #8 · answered by icycrissy27blue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, i think he is either cheating on you, or just not interested in you. that's what i would take from the relationship if i were you. im sorry i dont mean to sound mean, but that may be reality.
2006-09-18 01:36:37 · answer #9 · answered by the queen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he shouldn't take you for granted. You are more important then his friends. If he gets into trouble does he really think his "buddies" will help him out? They don't give 5 cents for him.
2006-09-18 01:36:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋