i feel like i wanna die but i have so much to live for?

Question

b 4 anyone sends me nasty repeonses please listen to the whole story....... im married have been 7 yrs have 3 gorgeous kids... my hubby is not sexual with me we dont do anything together our marriage died 4 and a half yrs ago cuz i refused an abortion...he says he loves me but never shows it about 2 yrs ago i met a guy we hit it off he was my bestfriend and we fell in love we NEVER did anything sexual it was all emotional....he went to jail i waited for 18 months and he has been out for 1 month and is sleeping with another women and telling me he dont know what he wants...i cant eat or sleep and dont even wanna get outta bed i would just assume die to b honest i know im wrong for being married and gaining feelings for another man but he made me feel so good about being me....HELPPPPPP???? do i leave him alone and let him move on and b happy or fight for whats mine..is he even worth it?

Answer 1

We all go through things from time to time and need a little help or advice from someonelse's eyes.

I agree with the consensus that your have been in a depressed mode since your marriage started falling apart. You finding this other man just gave you hope, made you feel desireable, something to make you feel alive, again. But, it's not real! It's false hope.

I feel once you get "you" back on track by seeking help from a professional, you will see things more clearly, won't grab on to this false hope, get your self esteem and self worth back and you will know where to go from there. Your family, meaning your children, are the most important and precious things in your life. You want to do what's best for them, but you have to start by doing what's best for you. ( I can tell you hanging on to that man on the side is a no win situation - he took advantage of you during your weakness, DON'T LET HIM TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU ANYMORE! GET YOUR STRENTGH BACK!)

As far as your husband goes, if you're both willing to work and save this marriage, go to a marriage counselor (after you get your self worth back). You are the first thing you work on! Maybe after you find your way back to yourself, things may begin to change in your marriage. He may see you in a better and brighter light. If not, both of you seek professional help. If he's not willing then, get his hat, his coat, your alimony and your child support and let him go!

Everyone likes to think their marriage will last forever, but sometimes people change, things happen and we have to move on! Don't get discourage, you will always have GOD, YOU and YOUR CHILDREN to love you, unconditionally!

Answer 2

You need professional help. See a therapist and a psychiatrist. They will guide you onto the right path; that would not even considering being with the jail-bird, and the medication will help you have a positive mind through the whole ordeal.

Do not fool around with the jailbird. He is no good, not for you, not for anyone. He is with another woman, he doesn't want to be with you. There are too many other fish in the sea to wait around for one of them to hook on your line.

You and your husband might still have a chance, see a therapist together and get all of the issues out in the open and see what happens next. If you don't see any good future than pack up and move on, and don't look back.

P.S. Medication can help you do anything, I'm really pro-medication because it helped me so much. I used to lay in bed and cry everyday and was afraid of the world. Now I love to live and want to experience the good and bad aspects of life. See a doctor, even your primary care doctor/family doctor can help you.

Answer 3

To B honest, I too have these feelings. Mine are for different reasons but I understand exactly what you mean. Every thing is fine but you still feel an immense sadness and would not fight death if it was too come, right! Yeap, I know all about that. Let's be truthful, you know you have to let the other man go. You are married and you should work on that. If you husband no longer is the man that makes you feel wonderful than he should no about it. You should seriously sit down and talk to him about how his absence makes you feel. I don't blame you for not getting an abortion that is partly your choice. Obviously he does. I don't know what the circumstances were that made you husband want you to have an abortion but it seems that all your troubles stem from that. So I think you should start your conversation from there. Good luck, I hope it all works out and you regain your marriage, happiness and find your will/reason to want to live again.

Answer 4

As far as him being yours, you should own things and love people, not love things and own people. I see nothing morally wrong with what you did. In fast instead of leaving your husband, staying with him was probably better for your kids. You and your husband are not lovers but are friends.

You should try to be happy. But is happiness a matter of consequences or a state of being? Read this webpage which is all about you and your happiness. One women on YA has 4 kids and her 2 year old almost died from taking a medication for 6 days. If one of your kids died tomorrow how would you feel. It could happen.

Actually there is onlly one reason to live for. It is not kids. If you died they would grow up without you. The reason to live is to be happy. You will die someday. If you don't want to eat, then don't, since the food will poison you. Fasting will help you get to sleep. Also do not forget-- "Even in your darkest hour, I do not abandon you."

http://phifoundation.org/happiness.html

Answer 5

I can understand the pain you are going through, but the question I think you should ask yourself is if there was no other man in the picture besides your hubby, would you still want to leave him if it meant being single? If he is sleeping with another woman I would like to say he is not worth fighting for, but I know thats not what you want to hear. I think before you decide weather or not to fight for this man you need to make a decision about what to do about your husband, and if you decide to leave him then decide what you want to do about the other man. As for not eating and sleeping all day, I know that is what depression does to a person but I recently heard a phrase that I think is quite true, 'You are a Mother first and a woman second" your kids need you, try to pick yourself up for them. Good Luck, I hope this helped some.

Answer 6

Honey I agree that you are going through a major depression and need to get help asap! Just a hunch but I think that you are latching onto this other person thinking that a relationship with him will solve all your problems and make you happy but in the end it will just make matters much worse. Get therapy and medication..I have been dealing with depression for many years myself and once I got the right meds, everything turned around for me.
Your husband seems to have a major problem also and that needs to be addressed as well. If he would be open to it, you could consider marriage counseling. If it has gone too far and you feel you need a change, think long and hard first for the sake of the children before you do anything. You need to work on you and get yourself better not only for yourself but for your kids sake. Then you can proceed from there but you need to weigh all your options before you end your marriage.
The one thing I do know is do not pursue a relationship with this other fella. It will only lead to heartbreak and even more problems for you and you could end up loosing your kids over it. You are the only one who can truly make yourself feel better about you and no one else!

Answer 7

First of all, as a mother you have your kids to live for. If your marriage is going down the drain, f*ck it and stop worrieng about it so much. Get a marriage counselor if you want, this isn't uncommon. When the kids are grown and out of the house and the marriage still sucks, dump his *** and enjoy your life of being single. Do the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't because you were married or in a financial bind from kids. Get some goals in mind and work towards them, you have alot more to live for. You are not a slave to keep your husband happy or to always have an interesting relationship, there's so much more to life than that. Go out with your girlfriends more and interact with your children more, stop worrieng about that other crap.

Answer 8

This is an answer from a guys point of view, i dont think that the other man is worth it cause if he really loved you he'd know what he wanted, as for the part about you hubby not really sure what to say about it sometimes ppl fall apart, but life always gets better in the end so just dont give up.

Answer 9

Don't worry, I am not going to say anything "nasty" to you. I hope that I can help you. It seem to me Madam, that you need help. I am going to suggest to you that you should talk to someone that you can trust, like a friend or a family member. You can also call up the national hotline 1-800-SUICIDE or Help Finding a Therapist: at 1-800-THERAPIST (1-800-843-7274)so that you can talk to someone who is a professional.

Look! I totally agree with you that there is a lot for you to live for! You have three kids who really need and deserves a mother like you to take care of them. You need to be there to see them turn into teenagers and fight with you. You need to be there to see them fall in love and have their heart broken for the first time. You need to be there to see them get marry and you need to see your grandchildren. Don't forgert, children need their mother. PERIOD!

Look, in my own opinion, I really don't think that neighter men deserves you. You had three kids with your husband then he turned cold turkey on you!! Come on!! Then you waited for this other guy while he was in jail and you did not mind the fact that he went to jail! He should not have the right to choose if he wants to be with you. You are the one who should be choosing if you want to be with him or not!

I am not going to give you too much "advice" or "tell" you what to do because I am not a professional and I don't want to give you some false advise that might be bad for you. I hope that the two numbers that I just gave you could help you and that my answering to your problem is more of encouraging to you then "help" you. .

Wish you the best of luck..

Answer 10

You have responsibilites for your child, don't ever forget that, your life now belongs to your child.

I would recommend having a massive discussion with your boyfriend, he probably loves you but may not be attracted to you anymore... but beleive it or not this is very very common after people have had their first child. There may be many more issues here that I don't know about but one thing I DO know is that with humans, the less sex they have the less they want it (I am talking later in life, not teenage years.)

So sometimes you need to train yourself and your partner to get back into sex. And try to look at yourself from his point of view... are you attractive? If you still have fat from being pregnant, try to lose it. Even if he says he doesnt mind what you look like, that's lies becaus he dont wanna hurt you.

Talk to him. That's the best thing you can do. Communication is one of the three things that keeps relationships together.