coming from a broken home...how to cope?

Question

Hey everyone, I'm 23 years and just moved back to my hometown where my parents are. Recently my parents have been arguing back and forth and it's affecting their business together. The thing is is that my parents have tendency to bad mouth each other to the kids. My sister also lives in the same town and my brother still lives at home. My father hasnt been home for 3 days and I'm really worried for the both of them. I can't handle them fighting anymore and I cant stand when my mother/father says bad things about each other. I've tried to explain that I can't handle them fighting and bad mouthing each but it just seems like I'm suppose to choose sides. It's affecting the children so much..I just dont know how to cope with this anymore..any advice on what to do to insure that my brother and sister are ok..as well as myself.

i do have my own place but my sibs will call crying and upset because my parents are arguing, how do you cope if your sibs are crying to you. feels like I have to be a seregated parent now...is that fair.

Answer 1

The children are in an ‘emotionally abusive’ relationship, and need to be protected !!!

The parents should be strongly advised to seek counselling, and should they fail to do so, there are two options:
The children move in with family or friends who can look after them (perhaps yourself or your sister); or
the matter be referred to the Police for investigation of child abuse.

I appreciate that you wouldn’t want your parents to get into trouble, but the fact remains that they are harming the children; and the priority should be the protection of the children who are not in a position to be able to defend themselves from the emotional abuse being thrown at them.

I’m sorry if those suggestions were not what you were hoping for !!!

Answer 2

Sorry but you are their child, you are not a party to any problem that they may have, unless you caused it. So stay out of it, and get over not being able to "handle" it anymore. There are children much much younger then you that are less equipped to handle such a situation and they are not complaining about it. They know that there is nothing that they can do to change what is or isn't going to happen, and they also know that it isn't their place to try and change it. You no longer live at home, so you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to. If they try to "bad mouth" the other to you, then just politely say that you don't want to hear it, that the person that they are bad mouthing is your mother/father and you love them, and you don't want to be put in the middle of any arguement/problem that they may be having. tell you sister this also, and as for your brother who still lives at home, tell him to move out if he is old enough, or if he isn't, then he should use the say thing that you are using to prevent himself from being put in the middle of their problems. If they persist in speaking bad about each other, then you tell them that you will not remain around them while they are talking bad about the other.
And yes I know of what I speak, my parents seperated/divorced when I was young, and I was treated to the usual hostile treatment of one by the other. As I got old enough, I would remove myself from the problem, and then when I was on my own, I made it clear I was not to be used as a pawn, or made to pick sides, otherwise they would not see me. After a time of me refusing to see them, they got the idea I meant what I said, and my problem went away.

Answer 3

You cannot control what's going on with your parents, however you can control your reaction to this situation. For instance do not react to your parents fighting. Remmember to focus on being proactive rather than reactive. Do not take it personally , it's not about you It's about them. This will help create some space in which you can focus on the positive opportunities being presented to you. AS for the anger see if you can let that go. It might suprise you to learn that people come toghether in marriage for the purpose of bringing a certain soul into the world. Once this is achieved, they often split up and move onto new partners who can help them in their own spiritual growth. Thus, in Kabbalah divorce also can be a blessing! Also any marriage that ends up in divorce is never considered a marriage that was wasted.

Answer 4

Your age is of no relevance, it is always diturbing to hear your parents battle one another and it is unfair for either of them to want you or your siblings to "take sides". Doing so -either way- is a no win situation. I suggest that first you and your siblings meet together (w/o parents) and discuss the personal impact the behavior of your parents has had on each of you. Record, in writing your feelings, you may have to help one another 'label' the emotions experienced. Each of you should complete these sentences (or something similar)
Mom and Dad, when you fight and belittle each other it makes me feel _____ (describe the physical, mental and emotional effects e.g. "sick at my stomach", "head pounding", "depressed/confused/ angry/").
Your bickering/ wanting me to take sides has impacted me ___(describe effects e.g. "made me want to run away", "made it hard for me to concentrate at school", "made me believe there is something wrong with me" etc. When everyone is sure of what they want to express have a sit down with parents, each child reads there 'list'. Then one of the older children should pose the questions: "Is this your intent?" (Any half decent parent would say no). Then ask, "what can we do to help you stop? or What do you intend to do to stop harming us? As a family have a clearly defined plan (in writing).
Mom will do a., b., c. Dad will do e.,f.,g., If they fail to ...the consequence will be... (have thes ready to present also. Good luck and god Bless

Answer 5

Damn girl everyone else has been from a broken home forever. What took you all so long. Let your parents carry on like turkeys. As I told my nieces and nephews "grown ups are just stupid sometimes."
You're 23 get a place of your own and let the little ones come over for a break sometime.

Answer 6

come on now, you are older then most kids to deal with parents divorce, when you are younger you feel like it's your fault, when you are older it's hard to deal with. but you are at the age where you can get out of the environment and let your parents sort out their own mess. which is what i think you should do.
my parents divorced after 30 years of marriage when i was 20. i was hurt, annoyed frustrated, but divorce is something that happens to people, listen to each parent hear them out and get your own place and have your siblings visit so they have somewhere to go to get rid of some of the stress they have as well.

Answer 7

can the kids move in with you for a short time.? it's really sad that they have to fight in front of them. have you got a video cam set it up and them show them just what ***'s they really are if all three of you got together and told just what they are doing to the family maybe they would listen tell them all of you will move out either stop or i'm calling the cops it's called child abuse mentel this isn't helping much cause it makes me mad that they are to self centered to see they are wrong

Answer 8

it is always hard to come home and face the family i know i have several times ,well my mother was a user and my dad was gay. so you think there was peace in the house.life goes on and so well you and you brother and sister. good luck.

Answer 9

Just tell them you want nothing to do with there fight and hang up the phone or shut the door.

Answer 10

Praise Tammy