How long until I this goes away?

Question

5 years ago a friend of mine was killed. He was burried partially alive, and i searched for him for a month and a half. We found him after rainy season was over. I remember his body, the detail of everything. It's been 5 years, and I still cry in the middle of the night, and I wake up out of breath and with tears. I think about this a lot. I have good days, but it's been a long time since I've been happy. I have a lot of guilt. He asked to come over the night he died, i said no, i was busy. Part of me wants to explode with pain and anger, hurt everyone. Part of me wants to curl up and dissappear. How long until this goes away?

Answer 1

I'm so so sorry that happened to him and to you as well. You are obviously in a lot of pain and broken because of this. I doubt the pain will ever go away, and unfortunately, noone can take it away from you. However, your family, friends, local support groups, school counselor, therapist, religious leader, etc. can listen to you and provide the compassion you need to begin the long road to recovery and healing.

I'm so so sorry for you sweety. Please find the help that you need to come to terms and accept your pain.

Answer 2

This is something that can last a long time. But this makes you who you are and you can not say you have had a boring life. Learn to use it like by writing about it.

Buy the Evanescence album. Amy Lee's (singer) 2 year old sister died when Amy was 6. She got into music to heal it. She became state champion piano player. Her song about her sister, My Immortal, is the saddest song but it is so beautiful. Her sister's death has made her wealthy and famous and can help you feel better. What do you like? Maybe you should write out the story in detail telling about all the sadness you felt.

Read this webpage. It is all about you and your relationship with others and happiness. Go see the movie Titanic with Jack and Rose. It made a billion dollars. Is the ending sad or nice? Note the end of the movie is not real. It is all about Rose dreaming a nice dream. You can't remember them but you have nice dreams about your friend. They are different than the physical world but not less real.

You will also die someday. Your friend understands that you could not visit him and does not hold it against you. He wants you to forgive yoursellf and he was glad to have you as a friend and will always be your friend. He wants you to be happy and enjoy things for you and him since he can't enjoy them. When you go and enjoy yourself maybe a part of him is with yoo enjoying it also.

http://phifoundation.org/happiness.html

Answer 3

OMG! U poor thing..very tragic and soooo sad! I don't think this will ever go away, but u need to stop blaming urself...have u thought of writing him a letter - xpress ur anger, guilt, sorrow, etc and bring it to his grave... would it help u if he knew & understood why u weren't there for him that night? u need to start thinking about today for YOU and yes, do think of him. But i'm sure he would want you to remember him as a human being and as a friend. Maybe at night place a pic of him when he was smiling - start remembering the fun times and good qualities about him instead of what he looked like when u found him. Try therapy, or even talking to someone who's been through this. Keeping it bottled inside of u is going to poison you...do u sleep alone? live alone? get a cat/dog or cuddly thing to hold onto at night to help you get through the night...There is a reason why u didn't go that night - u could have very well been the one to end up buried along with him. I say go for it - explode with pain and anger - talk to someone who will help you do this safely and release it!!! Use some alcohol or other means of inebbriation LOL!!! Good luck...i will be thinking of you!!! I hope you can start moving forward with your life...but think of what he would want for you to do and do it! if it means you need to move on, say goodbye, say sorry and say u regret whatever you need to...i'm sure ur family and friends would like to have u back!!! think of them because they are still alive and are still there for you!!

Answer 4

When you lose someone you love, it never goes all the way away, and I can imagine it is so much harder for you with the tragic and horrible way he died. You should first off forgive yourself for not letting him come over because you were not the one that killed him. And find someone you can talk to on a regular basis about this--- a therapist, psychiatrist, greif counsellor, preist, whatever. You have a lot of different emotions you need to work through, and you need someone to help you do that.

Answer 5

You seem to have some guilt within you about your friends demise. Keep in mind that all of us live with a lot of " what if's". Although most of ours are not near as painful as yours. You cannot live your life blaming yourself for what happened to him. Although I do miss the people once close to me that are gone I try to keep in mind wether they would approve of the way I handled the feelings I had. (because after all it does involve them) That seems to give me the strength to be strong and put it all behind me. Ask yourself the question, "would (your friend) want me to feel miserable over this or would they want me to be happy ?" No friend would want anything painful to happen to you. Also keep in mind that your friend is in a much better place now without pain, guilt, or sadness and they are waiting to see you. You shoud never rush your "time" but realize that we have no choice when it comes and make the most of the time we have on this earth. I had my best friend pass when I was only 15 and I still think about him from time to time. I don't ponder on it or beat myself up over it but I also know one day that I will see him and we can "catch up on things" although he is probably aware of everything. This happened over 20 years ago and I don't want his memory to go away. I also know that he would want me to live my life, and so I do. I'm sure your friend would want the same. I like to think that my friend is watching over me every day. Some of the things I have survived reassure me. Always know that your friend is over your shoulder wether you feel it or not and keep in mind how they would want you to feel. Laugh about the jokes and good times you had. And remember why you were friends. I'm sure they would want to see you smile.

Answer 6

Three of us are sitting here pondering how to answer this.
How difficult it must be for you to live with this image.

Have you sought professional help in relieving the anguish and guilt that you feel? These sorts of matters are best left to those who know to guide and direct the recovery from a great tragedy such as this.

Good luck, mama.

Answer 7

dont blame yourself...no matter what. It is not your fault for not knowing what will happen or who knows, god has a plan for everyone. I suggest you get some professional advice for the dreams though. They can haunt you and what you need is to not forget but to remember the good things about ur friend. be happy for the life that he did have and the times that you had with him. good luck with everything and i will send prayers your way! god bless

Answer 8

It may never go away but the more you talk about it the better it will get on you and I know that hard to believe but it will. I am sorry this happen to you and if you need a friend I am here for you. Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 9

My Sympathy. Please see a professional before you lose it. A psychologist can help you go through the pain and sort the guilt. When you break your arm, you don't think twice before seeing a doctor. You suffered a traumatic loss: see a doctor who can help you talk about it in confidence and help you sift through your feelings. the doc will not make the pain go away (only time does that!) but he/she will help you deal with it. GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

wow, thats real deep, i am more sorry for u then him, becuz are the one left to mourn .. I wish i could tell ya sumthing to make ya feel betta, but the truth is , it may fade a lil, but it may neva go away.. Turn to the lord for guidance to get u thru dis...I feel n4 ya, i really do and my heart goes out 2 u