now i feel guilty that i dont always have money for extras that my kids may need...they have food clothes all the necessities but dont always have the money for the things they want....anyone else in that situation.....whats more important?
2006-09-17 15:43:26 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
They would much rather have time with you. Trust me, when they are adults they will not look back and say they wish they had nicer things. They will say they wish they had more time with their mom. You're doing the right thing. Good luck.
2006-09-17 15:46:22 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I started working when my son turned 10 months and I felt horrible. Even though I was going to work to help pay off bills. Even though that didn't work out how I had planned it. It seemed like I was racking up more money on my cc to pay then really providing an additional income. Now that I quit and stay home with my son again. I feel good b/c I am here for him always, for his needs and to help him through life. But then again I feel stressed sometimes also. So it really depends on you. If your kids have all the necessities that they need, and if it is just frivolous things they want I wouldn't feel guilty about it. They have you there with them and that is more important then some toy. They will appreciate it in the long run. I know my mother worked while I was growing up and i hated having babysitters and I hated how I didn't have enough time to spend with my mom. And she didn't have a lot of time to sit down and talk to me on some days. I always wished she would have quit her job and just stayed home with me.
2006-09-17 18:37:38 · answer #2 · answered by sleepyincarolina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yep, I've been there, and am still there. I worked until my oldest was 1 and then had another baby. Then when my youngest was 2 I went back to work for about 4 months. I felt that I needed to bring in some money to be able to buy them more stuff. Well, I'm not working anymore for a reason. It is so not worth it. Yes, I had more $$, but even though I put my children in the best daycare in town, they were unhappy. Especially my youngest. He was stuck in a room with 12 other toddlers and he just wasn't used to the hecticness. And, at night when we were home, he acted up a lot b/c he wasn't getting enough of my attention b/c when I got home there was dinner, cleaning, etc. Being able to raise my own children, getting to go on my 4 yr old's school field trips, being able to hear every cute, or annoying remark, and having time to read books and sing songs is so worth not having the $. They don't care about the stuff. They care about their time with mommy! You can buy stuff later, but your kids are only little once.
2006-09-17 16:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by #3ontheway! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i understand your situation...and at times the kids will not understand why they can not have the things there other friends do...it is a hard decision..i think the kids are better having you with them more...maybe a part time job where you can get the kids something they want besides what they have to have...i wander if your kids are old enough to talk to them about this..it really is a tough decision...i felt guilty not being able to get them what they wanted too... and now i see my son working all the time just to get the things his kids wants and of course has all they need...so which was the best choice..i wander now....but he spends all his time working and then all his spare time is with and for his children...i think we would get along better now if i had of worked and got what they wanted in there growing up years....who knows the right way these days..kids are all different too...so good luck and hope you can find a way not to feel guilty either way you go...
2006-09-17 15:58:18 · answer #4 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what is important is how you feel about it all. As long as your children have everything they need to live a comfortable and healthy life you should not feel guilty.I am sure you will know what is the best to do. Maybe there is some kind of compromise like working part time. That way you would have a little extra money but would still be able to spend quality time with your children. Hope that helps :)
2006-09-17 15:57:22 · answer #5 · answered by natasha v 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey Don't sweat the small stuff. I am doing the same thing. My wife is going to college now, and I am staying at home baby sitting (a Mr. Mom) like you. we don't get a lot of the nice things either, but the baby is not being farmed out to a stranger who could abuse or neglect her. I get to see all the daily changes in our daughter and be one of her first best friends. The down side is I also have to be the one that says "No." As a result I have to do 3 or 4 neat things to keep her actively entertained every day, and forget about the "no's". Kids are only young once and you have the special ability to mold their future development patterns now. Do not give it up for anything.
Cheers
Zah
2006-09-17 15:57:10 · answer #6 · answered by zahbudar 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Being with your kids is the most important thing in the world. As long as they have a home, food, water & clothes all those "extras" are not important. Whatever extras they want can be Christmas or b-day gifts. Playing with them, making up games, taking them to a park or something like that doesn't cost anything.
2006-09-17 15:52:02 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Think about your own childhood. What do you remember with the most fondness? Is it the closeness of family events, or a prized posession? The best thing you can do for your children is to 'BE THERE' for them. The next best thing is to teach them to set goals and 'work for' the extra things they want. It may bring some pouty lips now - but it will prepare them for life in the real world. If your children are in school - think about getting a part time job that will allow you to be there when they get home. You'll be able to spend quality time with them AND earn money for those 'extras'.
2006-09-17 16:01:03 · answer #8 · answered by needtoknow 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for your situation, as I too have struggled with this. When my husband and I had difficulties having children we decided to try foster care with the hope to adopt. When my oldest daughter came to us she was 2 1/2, and at that time I had to continue to work. Believe it or not, money seems to be a big priority when adoption agencies screen you. I did not know how long she would be with us and felt like I could not risk losing my job. Not long after she was adopted, we tried again and I had my second daughter. It was a tough choice, but I went back to work. At that time we could not make it on one income. My daughter did great in daycare- she was always happy there, but even happier to see me when I picked her up. My 3rd daughter was a suprise. With the expense of daycare, I decided to stay at home. I babysat a friends daughter and saw a couple clients in the evening to help make ends meet. It was a great year and a half, but now I have had to go back to work. I am lucky enough that I can work 9-2, so daycare hours are limited and my older 2 are in school. I still struggle to pay the bills, but at least want to be here for my girls before and after school. I now have 1 in Karate and 1 in dance, and the bills are racking up. I want to give my girls all the opportunities I had growing up, and often wonder how my parents managed. I have come up with some ways to help with the extras- I put my neighbors kids on the bus in the morning (gives me extra cash and my girls have playmates); I have asked family to consider savings bonds for college, certificates for 1 month of lessons, or money towards zoo or children's musuem memberships (for birthdays/holidays); I have looked for items on e-bay (i.e.- daughter got a gameboy for birthday and the games are a lot less on e-bay, she doesn't care that they are used; buy dance shoes 2nd hand (they have them right at the studio).
There are always ways to come up with the extras, but there is no way to replace the time with your kids. Do what you think is best for you and your family. Good luck.
2006-09-17 16:23:12 · answer #9 · answered by teacher/mother 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Material things aren't important....sure, that's what's always said, but in reality, kids are going to grow and they are going to need and want more expensive items. Now is the time to start saving for those things...a single homecoming dance can cost a couple hundred bucks per kid....a family night at the school skating party for elementary aged kids can cost 40 or 50, but time with the kids is important. I suggest finding a part time at home job, perhaps something you can do at night after they go to bed?
2006-09-17 15:55:05 · answer #10 · answered by Madre 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i believe that having a mother there to actually "raise" them and spend time with them and teach them stuff and play with them, and actually get to know them, and grow with them as a parent and child is waaaayyyyyyyy more valuable than all the many toys and candys and extras that a child will see and want. what they really need is YOU....a whole lot more than they do all those extra things that only money can buy.....YOU are priceless to them though....and any child would be lucky to have a mom that would give up her job and stay at home and be there to actually give them that time and energy. so dont feel guilty about this, feel priveledged you have your children and they have you...and you can play with them every day and watch them grow....they will only be children once...they need mommy to help them learn how to grow up to be good adults....otherwise they will end up like all the rest of the kids you see today with no manners, or guidance, or love from home that end up in gangs and or worse dead from drug abuse or whatever.....BECAUSE THESE ARE THE CHILDREN THAT DID NOT GET ENOUGH ATTENTION AS A KID. its a sad truth.
good luck!!
2006-09-17 15:52:17 · answer #11 · answered by succubus_angel_666_777 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋