I have an 18yr old who is out of control, he refuses to get help he uses drugs and alcohol.?

Question

I believe he is bi-polar and is self medicating, with what ever. Last week a lady came knocking on my door at 5 a.m. and she thought he hit my son with her car. My son was laying out in the middle of the road, and he had been dranking. I thought he was dead when I seen him laying there.Thank God she did not hit him, but this is how I been living my life and Iam struggeling. He has been in and out of counseling and has see a shrink on serveral occasions, who perscribes more medication for him xanax and effexor and he mixes his medication with whatever. My hands are tied because he is 18yrs old. This is so hard to watch as being a mother of only one son. I feel like I am going to lose him at any point, because he is so impulsive. My husband says I should kick him out so he can hit rock bottom and maybe he will come to his senses, but I can not kick him out on the street, all I see is him laying in the road. Does any body have any advice for me, I need it.

Answer 1

I sympathize. Save your money. Save your energy. Relax. Its a long life ahead.

Answer 2

I am truely sorry for the position that you are in. I don't think there is anything harder than watching your child spiral out of control while you can do nothing. I went through very similar circumstances about 10 years ago now, only it was my parents trying to figure out what to do with me. The truth is, there is not much you can do. Until your son recognizes that he has a problem, and admits that he needs help, it won't get any better. Counceling only helps if you are willing to talk openly about what is wrong, and that isn't going to happen if he is still denying that he has a problem. With the drinking, the meds that the doctor is giving him are probably making him worse. When you mix alcohol and anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, it will normally increase the depression and/or the anxiety.

As hard as it sounds, the best thing you can do is to continually let your son know that you love him. Be there to help him when you can and make sure that he knows that he can come to you when and if he needs to. The constant show of support that I recieved from my parents is one of the only things that got me through that time in my life, and I know many others who say the same.

If you can't bear to watch him self destruct anymore, than it may be time for you to suggest he start looking for an apartment, the resposibility involved in that can help to force him to see that he needs help. Again, just make sure that he knows that if he can't handle it or just needs to talk, you will be there.

Good luck with your son.

Answer 3

As a parent myself, this is really hard to say, but your husband is right. Your son will have to hit rock bottom on his own before he decides that he will accept help. You cannot have someone like that living in your home - bi-polar people can be extremely dangerous, especially if they are drinking and drugging.

You can put him in rehab, you can "force" him to get counseling, but none of it will do any good if he does not want to be helped.

You can try contacting your local social services department and perhaps mental health. I would STRONGLY recommend that you go to Al-Anon meetings so you can learn how to deal with him and how to STOP enabling him, which you are doing, even though you really have the best intentions.

Answer 4

If he is on your insurance tell him he has to get more counselling until this is completely solved...get rid of all the booze and tell him he will live in the least desirable part of the house if he continues drinking with those meds...Likfe a basement or attic where theres no tv or phone..Those things can be denied when he acts like a child.. Make him do chores and he should be working too and paying room and board..Husband should back you up with those rules so you can have help from a strong male who can knock sense into him or you may need boot camp to shape him up....I wish you luck and pray too.

Answer 5

I have a similar problem and my son is now 23. Our son still lives at home and shares a bedroom with his 17 year old brother. He has brought pot into the house and taken perscription drugs from my medicine cabinet or those of his friends parents. He says he can't sleep at night unless he is wasted (pot or booze). Of course not because he stays up most nights and sleeps until 2:00. He does have a job (with no benefits) and has been told he has to move out. Until he finds a place he is paying rent at home but he will be getting a 30 day notice soon.

Answer 6

I don't know what state you live in but you may want to call your local department of mental health, county sheriff or city police department, or your local Emergency Room and try an initiate an involuntary court committment. In some states it can be for seventy-two hours. In Missouri it can be up to ninty-six hours. (And from the information you have described I feel a judge would sign such an order). During that time he will be evaluated and a proper course of action taken. Again, in Missouri that will lead to one of the following.

He might be let out upon the conclusion of the ninty-six.

Additional treatment may be offered and accetpted.

Treatment may be offered but rejected. If it is rejected the facility may petition to keep him from up to twenty-one or thirty days and beyond that perhpas even ninty days.

Answer 7

Go to court with proof of his behavior,get a court order to make medical decisions for him (deem him incompetent) Take him to the best inpatient facility you can afford and get him help,quickly. Look,the harsh reality is this,if your son is bi-polar,then let me tell you people with disorder are prooven to have high suicide rates and also addiction rates. Once your son is a little older and begins to accept his disorder(if that is what it is)then things will calm down tremendously. As of right now you can't give up on him,he needs all the support he can get.

Answer 8

I myself had drug problems and took medication. I also had some friends who are bi polor. I also saw a counsler. And it took me some time but I got out of the problems I was in. I stopped doing drugs. And I changed my life around. Its up to him when he wants to stop and be a better person. Theres no pill that can change that. For me anyways medication didnt help. Especially because I was still doing drugs. One of my friends even smashed up his bi polor medication and put it on top of weed and smoked it. I don't know if your son would try that but drugs make you do stupid things. I had some extra help with my girlfriend who really opened up my eyes. I couldnt have done it with out her. You should check your sons room for drugs. You might feel likes its an invasion of privacy but if hes in your home you have the right. Its for his own good. Try to do whatever you can to make sure he doesnt hang out with those who are into drugs. That will only provoke him to keep on doing drugs. Do you check up on him in the middle of the night? He might be sneeking out. Thats what I used to do. Thats the best advice I can give. Good Luck.

Also If you are thinking about sending him to a rehab I would only recommend this if he's interested in going himself. Only if he agrees to. Dont force him I also had a friend who went to rehab when she was forced and it made her worse than what she was already. I know longer talk to any of these friends.

Answer 9

He sounds like he needs serious help. U need to take him to see sosmeone who can help with this kind of thing, because what he's doing is gonna lead him to an early grave.

Also he may need whats called tough love and that means u have to do what u and u hubby need to do to help ur son, it seems unfair and even mean but it's what u have to do to get someone the help they need u may have to take him by force or even if it may mean call the police on him to let him know that u are serious about getting him help.

As long as he know ur gonna give in to himhe's gonna keep doing the things he do, u need to take charge and stand strong until he comes around

Answer 10

Since he is 18, legally, he is no longer your responsibility. Move him out of your house and into a shelter or a halfway house, or somewhere where he can be dealt with. When I say move him, I mean literally MOVE HIM AND HIS THINGS OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!! It will hurt you more than it will hurt him, but as long as he is on drugs and drinking, and out of control, he is not allowed in your house.

This is where tough love comes in. There is no reason for him to come over, since all of his stuff is wherever he is. If you come home and he's there, he is trespassing, and can be arrested. I know this is harsh, but this is something he needs now.

Put your feelings in your pocket, and put him out, as soon as possible. Good luck.

Answer 11

first of all, maybe something is wrong. maybe its a personal matter or something really heart breaking has happened to him lately.

also, if you ever cry infront of him and pour your heart out about how this is making you struggle it could really help. my aunt had the same problem and she was struggling so bad it made me cry each time i saw her.

never ever ever kick out your son. instead, talk to him. TRY TO TALK TO HIM no matter what it takes. try to find out what has happened ; why it happened ;

alos, since when did he start to do this ? was it recently ? because if he did this out of no where there has got to be a definte problem. do not throw him out or turn your back on him. a mother should NEVER ever kick out their son especailly in this situation. god knows what he`ll do. show him that you care even if it hurts.