In a relationship where one person is working and the other is not what do you think?

Question

Currently I am not working, though normally I work I lost my job in May due to budget cuts. My live in boyfriend and I decided I could take a little time off and relax since I had a really rough year last year, its been four months and for the past month I've been looking hard for a job which nothing has panned out yet even though I have an associate degree and good computer skills. I do bring in money to contribute and I do ALL the housework, cooking, errands, bill paying, everything. He works and that's it, I have always been kind of traditional and don't have a problem if I am home in doing most everything. My son lives here too and its like pulling teeth to get anyone to help out around here. My son is in sports and has school so during the week for both of them I understand but is it wrong for me to think I should get a day where I can rest without the house going to hell in a handbasket? They leave thier beer/soda cans all over, messes everywhere, laundry...I'm losing it!

My son is 15 he's the one drinking the soda, my b/f drinks the beer. My son's room is a pigstye and I'm tired of telling him to clean it. My b/f acts like cause I am home he shouldn't have to do anything. It takes a large part of my day just cleaning up after them and searching for a job whereever I can think of to look for one.

Answer 1

If I were you I would not continue to pick up after grown men - job or no job. You losing your job was not a choice. You sound like you are more than making up for it by cooking and cleaning and running errands. It is not too much to ask for them to pick up their soda/beer cans or pick up their socks and dirty underwear. You are not a maid nor a slave. Set some boundaries or they will keep having the expectation that you will keep taking care of everything.

See, if it were me I would put every beer can, soda can, piece of dirty laundry, papers, dirty dishes, empty food cartons, whatever trash they leave lying about into a garbage bag and keep it out of sight. Then I would wait until a Friday, arrange to stay over a girlfriend's house for the weekend, and while they weren't at home, I'd dump the entire contents of that garbage bag onto the floor right in front of the TV with a huge note: "HERE IS ALL OF YOUR S-H-I-T. I AM NO LONGER GOING TO PICK UP YOUR S-H-I-T! I am GONE for the WEEKEND to ENJOY MYSELF with FRIENDS. YOU CAN ADD MORE S-H-I-T TO THIS PILE IF YOU WANT TO, BUT I WON'T BE PICKING IT UP!"

Answer 2

My husband and I have gone through this scenario several times in our relationship: he works and I don't, I work and he doesn't. This way, someone was always at home, especially when we had small children. As long as the bills were paid and food was on the table, we had no problems.

You didn't mention how old your son is, but if he's old enough to open a soda can or a beer can, he's old enough to keep his room clean and help clean up around the house. Your boyfriend could pick up a dish and wash it.

Since you do most of the housework during the week, on Saturdays and Sundays, do absolutely nothing for them. If they want anything done, they have to do it themselves. They are not allowed to ask you for ANYTHING!!!! If they ask if you're sick, tell them, yes, you're sick of doing everything all the time, so you're taking a mini-vacation on the weekends. You are to take care of yourself on those days. You are ITMM (invisible 'til Monday morning).

Try that and see what happens. Let us know, good luck.

Answer 3

I am not sure how old your son is, but if he is in school and doing sports, then he is old enough to at MINIMUM keep his own stuff picked up and taken care of. My daughter is in school (straight A student), sports (both school and competitived USAG), marching band, spanish club, church youth group - but she is expected (and does) keep her own things taken care of and is also expected to help out around the house. If she doesn't get her chores done - she stays home until they are finished, if the event is extra-curricular.

My husband and I both work full time - he does essentially nothing when he is home except keep the couch from floating upward and make sure the t.v. works (if you know what I mean).

Before you go crazy (ier), sit down with the 2 of them and ask - no state (not demand) that they are expected to at least take care of their own messes. It isn't rocket science and by NOT taking care of their own things, they are disrespecting you to the max. You don't have to stand for it.

If worst comes to worst, keep a box and throw all their "junk" in it and put in on the appropriate bed - or side of the bed, as the case may be. Like the other suggester said, you should tell them that you are going to charge by the hour for all the extra work that they are creating for you by being lazy. I don't mind doing normal work, but I really resent having work created for me due to someone else's laziness.

Be consistant! It is sort of like house-training a puppy.

Answer 4

there is no excuse for anyone not picking up after themselves, whether you work or not. you drink a soda or a beer, you throw the bloody can away, for crying out loud.....laundry goes in the hamper, for crying out loud.... dishes go in the dishwasher, not on the counter or in the sink, or worse, all over the house! just those simple acts can keep a home uncluttered and would save you a lot of grief, as you are not their personal maid. in a calm manner explain that you would like to enlist their cooperation in the home by them just picking up after themselves- just themselves! good luck with your job hunt and in keeping it together, and not "losing it!"

Answer 5

Start telling them off. You are not hazel. True, they may work and go to school, but they live there also and need to take pride and initiave in cleaning up thier own messes. How else would they learn to be on thier own. Get your son doing this early. When he decides to move on his own, he will appreciate it

Answer 6

ask them to put their dishes in the sink and dirty clothes in the hamper please..Im unemployed 2 wks myself and the job mkt is horrible for uneducated ppl plus many jobs are too far away. I hope we find something before Halloween cuz it gets worse before Thanksgiving...good luck After 18 mos he should commit to you..Has it been that long??

Answer 7

By all means, have a family meeting with them before you blow your stack and say some things you will regret........Just tell them exactly how you feel and that you are not their maid.......If they want a maid they can pay you 12 dollars an hour to clean up after them.......Take care, dear..........

Answer 8

My Husband works and i dont.. i go to school and i still make him help me around the house.