My significant other is a serious alcoholic. Can I explain?

Question

He stopped drinking for about 3 years because he nearly died from pancreatitis. He was in shock and he was going thru alcohol withdrawl and they sedated him heavily with ativan and morphine for about a month. He started drinking again early last winter when his daughter and son in law moved in with their kids and drank in his house every nite. I think he wanted to be "one of the boys" not understanding he has a serious problem. Now it is out of control. It is profoundly affecting our relationship. Drunk about 3 months ago. he took an excessive amount of fast acting insulin thinking it was the slow acting kind and nearly killed himself. His drunk relatives could not see him sweating profusely, all grey colored and literally dying. If I had not walked into his house , he would have died. He had to go to the hospital and get a glucose infusion. He took 60 units of humalog in error.
I cannot take this. Its tearing me up. How do I just walk away?
I dont feel like I can take this.

Answer 1

walk away

Answer 2

You cannot control anyone Else's life any more than you can control the man on the moon! You cannot "control" anyone ever. If you go to Alcoholics Anonymous you will find many people in the same boat but at least trying to make a recovery. Many religion's of the East know this also. Why do you let yourself get sucked into this? Your letting the drama take control of you when you should just get on with your life. God didn't put you on this earth to be someone else's "Gate Keeper" so why do it? You might love someone very much but still you cannot control their lives. You will have to come to the realization somehow that it is inevitable he will die whether you are their to help or not. Its the way he wants to die or he wouldn't be doing it in the first place. Everyone has the right to die the way they choose to die without outside interference. This is a classic case. I'm not trying to be cruel just in case you thought that is what I'm portraying. Ive been in your shoes and had the support of Alanon thank god and came to my senses and you need to also.

Answer 3

Not easy at all.

Eventually you may have to walk away ... but until then maybe offer to go with him to AA? Join him in counseling?

Maybe even video tape him when he's drunk and let him see himself.

I can almost promise he hates it but sees no way out. Or it's a solution to something else, like depression or an inner pain.

I wish you the best of luck, be brave and be strong -- you'll get through this.

Answer 4

I went through this two years ago with my husband. It all depends on your ties. If you think he needs to hit rock bottom then I would suggest just telling him that you love him but you need some time to think. If he cares enough about himself and you he will realize what he is doing to his life and the people who care about him. Explain to him that you need to see that he understands what he is doing to himself. If he loves you, he will realize that the situation he is in is just bringing on mysery. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change him. He has to change himself. It's not up to you, do not take the burden, it's all up to him. I didn't walk away and I am so glad I didn't but all situations are different. I am Italian and have a glass or two of wine before and one with dinner every night but it does not bother my husband. I think he really cares about himself and his family too much to burden us with that responsibility. You have to do what your gutt tells you to do but my suggestion would be to give him the benefit of the doubt and just tell him that you need a break to think. This may ring a bell in his head. If not then do not subject yourself and if you have children, subject your children to this ongoing thing. I wish you the best.

Answer 5

he needs rehab and he eneds it fast....somewhere away from them drunks....they dont care about him...all they want to do is get drunk....what for? your partner may die the next time he drinks...where does that leave you? they didnt even notice he was dying, what a bunch of morons, they were too drunk...and i dread to think that he could have if you had not have come in at that time, you saved his life....he does not know what he is doing, he almost killed himself taking the wrong meds...so he needs to go into a hospital where no one else can get near him, he has to save his own life....but walking away may make him worse....you seem stuck in a mess here honey....you can either walk out and forget all about him, or stick by him and keep the creeps away from him, but it's him who has to help himself.....you dont need this....so you have to make a choice....stay or go...it's up to you

Answer 6

If he is still doing it, and I know that you probably love him to death, but he cannot put this burden on you. You've done all you can do, and it's up to him to make the right decision and help himself. If he really loves you, he'll choose YOU over alcohol. Because if he continues, I highly suggest you leave. No one who loves you would put that incredible burden and sorrow on you, and you need to find someone who will make you happy and take your advice.
I'm saying this for your mental (and possibly physical) help, dear, and I'm worried. Please either make a statement and put him in a facility, and if he refuses, get out. You dont want to live your life trying to fix his, do you?
It's all up to you, dear, I wish you the best of luck and don't ever give up!

Answer 7

Well, you can stay with him a watch him kill himself or you can save yourself a lot of pain in the future by giving him the option of getting sober again (to save himself)-not for you. You may still need to leave him. Some drunks need to hit "the wall" to get sober--staying that way is an ongoing battle, more difficult for some than others. Save yourself--you can't save him-he has to do it himself.

Answer 8

its not your fault if he cannot help himself, is he aware of his problem and still drinks?
if he cannot save himself from self sestruction, how can you save your relationship? as long as you've tried to help this person as much as you can, you are doing nothing wrong. your happiness is as important as his. options i can suggest for you is an:
1) intervention - try and get people who can help him. use this to state your case. have the people around you be there for support.
2) take this person to a rehab centre - if he cannot help himself, maybe they can or it can aleast put your conciounce at ease knowing you tried and helped him
3) maybe just walk away - write a letter bearing all your thoughts and feelings. leave it somewhere where he will find it. pack your bags and go.as long as you where there for as much as you can and you feel happy you done your best - let him go. start living your life with a person who makes you happy and dont look back. whatever happens...

-i hope any of this can help
- dave

Answer 9

I was with someone who was an drug addict and enough became enough and I walked out. Of course it was hard, my heart had been ripped out. I thought I could change him and I thought he wanted to change. But all that changed was my decision to waste another day. You cant change him, you can only work on you. He has to clean up his act and in the mean time you should be livin not worrying about something that he obviously isnt worried about.

Answer 10

i understand the misery you have to put up with BUT you MUST get him back into the NO alcohol routine. & tell him unless he stays sober you WILL leave & NEVER return. because by drinking he is showing NO consideration to you at all. & you cant live like that. SO get tough. or run for the hills.

Answer 11

If you want a life,then walk away, because he will not change,get out find someone and have a real life.