8yr old step-daughter from other culture challenges me constantly. Husband works 60hrs.so I have to cope. How?

Question

2 night is one of MANY POSSIBLE EXAMPLES: She wants 2 wash her hair 4 the second time 2day. Looked at her scalp it’s clean & the hair is starting 2 look dry. She wants 2 put shampoo on her dry hair then eat a snack & watch TV while it’s “working”! I say “You think shampoo is conditioner. You can’t let shampoo sit on your dry hair like this it’s bad.” Her “No it’s not! I’m going 2 do it”. This is a very physically vain family & I as an American woman am already being scrutinized as a parent. Do I allow her 2 do this & damage her hair because I don’t have the energy 2 continue going back & fourth with her or stand firm out of fear of what my husband/in-laws will think of me? Do I get physical w/her? Do I watch her all night? Her father is at work & has told me “not 2 bother” him with anything she does. BTW, if you are one of those "step parents have no rights but all of the responsibility of a parent" people, pls don't answer. How do I "pick my battles in this mess"? Or do I just walk?

Answer 1

Walk, look for a fellow w/out kids. this will always be a issue for you. Thank God your asking now before you made kids with this man.

Answer 2

Well, I'm an old white woman and I sometimes shampoo my hair 3 times a day if I'm working outside and get hot an sweaty and I've already shampooed in the morning and then I want to be clean before I climb into my bed. I still have all my hair and it's in pretty good shape. Try to make friends with this girl. Suggest to her that you and she should read the directions on the shampoo bottle. Get her some conditioner and let her sit with that on her head. Otherwise, just let her go and perhaps she'll tire of it. If the in-laws don't like it, what are they going to do about it, say that she can't shampoo her hair, well then maybe she won't be so obsessive about shampooing. Maybe you should buy her baby shampoo or something that's extra gentle. Good luck. Try to get on the good side of her by doing a few things with her that she really likes. If she wants to do things and they aren't dangerous, just let her do it. The more you protest the more she'll fight you.

Answer 3

As far as the shampoo goes let her wash her hair but only after her snack and show, tell her you will compromise on this one and she can wash her hair but can't leave the shampoo on. Another thing to do is tell her you know a trick that will get her hair clean and shiny put an egg, mayo and water mix it up and use it to coat the hair great conditioner if hair is getting dry. Step-kid or not she is being normal my own 8 year old pushes me to the point somedays. I have found when "choosing my battles" I ask my self is it going to hurt her, is it going to hurt me and is it going to leave a mess for me to deal with and go from there if it isn't going to hurt her give a little more and the rest do some compromising. Explain to your husband and in-laws that you are the one having to be primary care giver to the child and you are doing what you feel is in HER best interest and that while they have had her entire life to get to know and understand her you haven't you are doing the same as them and learning. Remember patience, compromise and love.

Answer 4

properly, while my daughter grew to become into youthful she have been given right into some female fights some situations and that i assume it extremely is in simple terms area of growing to be up. in spite of if, the different little ladies have been around my daughters age and the 'fights' often have been no greater suitable than a sprint shove or push, grabbing each others toys, etc. You variety of anticipate this from 3, 4 or 5 365 days old youngsters...on no account from a 11 365 days old slapping an 8 365 days old. you have each good to be mad and in contact. Your son is a handsome youthful dude and there'll be female crushes on him. And youthful ladies can get embarrassed easily. yet there is not any excuse for embarrassment having actual violence as a effect. i in my view do no longer understand what to point to you if the female's mom isn't returning your call. What i might do is strongly inspire (if no longer rigidity) the female's mothers and fathers to have her visit three variety of anger administration counseling with a professional. EDIT: The 11 365 days old female who slapped your daughter for sure knew good in a while what she did grew to become into incorrect. She in all probability could have made issues much less complicated if she quickly apologized for her greater healthful of anger. fairly, she tried to conceal it up. regrettably, this may well be a mirrored image on her mothers and fathers and how she has been raised to this point. if so, the two the mummy or the two mothers and fathers will attempt to play the full element down fairly of accepting household initiatives. If this occurs your in user-friendly terms recourse may well be to record it to newborn Welfare.

Answer 5

This eight year-old is out of control whether she is with her father or her mother. You might explain to her that you are not trying to take her Mom's place. You are simply trying to be a good Step-mom and since you are the adult, you will expect her to behave and do as told, or there will be repercussions. You don't have to get physical, but you can certainly refuse to take her places, refuse to let her use the phone, refuse to allow her to watch television or listen to music. Life as she knows it will change if she doesn't get with the program. I would warn her in advance of the punishments in store so that she can make an informed choice between what's coming or behaving.

Don't worry about the in-laws, they aren't handling the problem child, you are.

Answer 6

sit down and have a talk with ur husband and ur step daughter and if he dont do nothing then hide the shampoo and tell her if she wants to wash her hair 2 a day then she has to take a bath 2 a day and let the shampoo sit in and "work" while she is washing her body or playing with toys

Answer 7

keep your hands to your self...

i am a blk male with 2 kids, married to a white women with 2 kids. altogether there are 4 kids.

you and your husband need a plan and it should start with him putting the 8 y/o in her place. don't under estimate the power of do what i say, when i say or your grounded, standing in the corner for 2 or 3 hrs. , no TV, no computer, and, or all day in her room looking at the 4 walls until she learn to do what i say when i say. is not fun, she'll learn quick.

befor you disciplin her tell her why.

you and that child have a hump to get over. (meaning) all of the things that you do when your husband is not around, do them when he is. if she makes you raise your voice at her when he is not there do the same when he is there. this will show her that you demand the same discipline and respect weather he is there or not.

PS. do not reward bad children

Answer 8

You already said it, "pick your battles". Why let this issue cause a problem. She wants to sit and further damage her hair. What does it matter to you? Does it really hurt you or harm anyone if she sits with shampoo on her head? You've already explained that it damages her hair. Have you told her that her hair already looks damaged? Is she doesn't care then I'd say let her do it.

I'd let her do it. Then I'd find a hair dresser and offer to take her out to get her hair done. Take her to lunch whatever. Then take her to get her hair done and let the professional tell her how terribly damaged her hair is and let him/her tell her that she shouldn't let her hair sit with shampoo. This way you get your point across but you don't look like the bad guy.

Answer 9

well, i'd say choose your battles. if she wants to do this shampoo thing, it's not hurting anyone else. as long as you're in charge of her, you do have the right to discipline her. don't spank her, though. i have step kids and have been in your situation, and i spanked them. doesn't work, just makes you look bad. however, she is your husband's child, not yours, and so she is ONLY your responsibility the extent to which you allow. if you cannot deal with her, and he is not helping, tell him that unless your needs are being met, honestly, he's gonna have to find something else to do with her. because your not her mom, which does limit your rights. but also your responsibility. just like if he took her to a daycare, and they said she couldn't come any more because she was biting other children, you take on responsibilities when you care for her, but if her behavior extends beyond what you can deal with, it is his and his baby's mama's problem.

Answer 10

YOU are the adult and have let it go too far. YOU are worried about what your Husband and in-laws are going to say. YOU have allowed something to go on that is hurting this child. An 8 yr. old has no power in her life but what she can apply to an adult that allows it. YOU have allowed it. YOU have to talk to the Father and get this straight. Forget his saying ---not to bother him! He sired this child. His responsibility. IS that why he married you? To take care of his child? Hate to say this...but if all else fails talk to your Mom-in-law. She's a mother and may understand.

Good Luck!

Answer 11

Ok, I'm not a parent. But I have 2 Step-parents. With the hair thing, let her be if she ruins her hair she has no one to blame but herself and she's only doing it to challenge you. However, if you were to step in and forbid it, she would blame you for her dry hair, go behind your back and do it, or go tell her dad and he would probably let her do it. In other cases, act like her parent. Trust me, my step-mom ruined our relationship because she acted like a step-parent. Act like she'd your own kid, but don't get phsycal, you do that and you're likely to have a fight with the man you love, her father. In my opinion, unless her dad doesn't let her do it or it could be harmful (and im not talking about damaging her hair) or it involves her blowing off something important, leave her alone. Try to get closer to her but also let her know that you're not trying to take her mother's place. I don't know how serious you're going to take me because I'm only 16 and I'm not a parent. But I do have step-parents and I know how they should deal with it because that's what most kids look for in a step-parent. knowing they CAN'T get away with everything but also knowing that you're NOT going to take her mother's place.