Read my situation and please give me some advice... please give respectful answers?

Question

she acts more like an adult then some adults I know, but yet she still has the same fears, and questions that a four year old child does. My husband and I have always talked to her as if she was an adult ever since she was a baby and I think this is one of the many reasons for her behavior. She mothers our nine month old son (tries to do everything for him watches out for him and says she sometimes wishes she was an adult) I just feel like this behavior isnt normal and that she is missing out on being a kid because of this. She doesnt really talk back but she lies sometimes, we can tell her every day five times not to do something punish her for it and she still does it I have never seen a more stubborn kid. We have tried every form of discipline to discourage her from lying and doing things repetitively that are unacceptable. I dont understand why she does this either because neither I or my husband lie to her or anyone else about things. Ive considered taking her to a psychologist.

this question is regaurding my four year old daughter who thinks she is to big for her britches, I worry about her and Im looking for some good advice on what to do or how to talk to her about being a kid instead of always wanting to be a grownup

Answer 1

you want her to be a kid and when she acts like one you want to get her head checked? Kids lie. Maybe they see it on tv or around other kids. Don't worry so much. Punish her and be done with it.

Answer 2

I'm curious. It sounds as if you aren't around other children very often. The reason I say this is because your daughter sounds pretty typical. I have a five year old who does the same things. She is a great girl but tells the occasional mistruth. I think you are right by disciplining her for telling a lie, however make sure the discipline is clear and consistent; that she understands what she did wrong and why it is wrong. As for acting too grown-up, what kid doesn't? Remember when you were a kid? You emulated the older kids or adults around you, or those you saw on tv. This is normal. Many children build whole story lines around being a different character...similar to playing dress-up. Creative play is not only normal, but healthy. However it is important that she has children close in age to play with. If she isn't in a preschool, consider making contacts at the local playground that she can see on a regular basis, or find a preschool. Even some public elementary schools offer free part-time preschools. This will not only help her to succeed academically but socially and give her confidence and get her accustomed to the schedule and environment of kindergarten. Again from the small description you provided, she seems like most other young children.

I don't think you are being overly concerned but I wouldn't act as if your child has a problem. You don't want her to feel different or believe she is not normal based upon your actions or something she overhears you say to someone else. I think one of the most important things you can give to her at this age is teaching her she is a great kid who is loved.

Best wishes!

Answer 3

most kids are like that. ALOT of kids always say they wish they were older. If they say that they are not mature at all. A mature kid would say that they want to enjoy being a kid because they know when they get older it will be more difficult. And they try to APPRIECIATE and live every moment. A new disipline thing by the way--is something that works EVERY time. When she does something bad, take away her most TREASURED and PRIZED possesion temporarily until she gets her act together. Like a doll or anything. Bring it with you to work to make sure she doesnt have it. And rethink your words--a FOUR YEAR OLD???? Four?? There is no way that she can be the brain you may think she is. Parents always look at there children as more intellectual then they really are. I was treated like an adult when i was young as well because i had an abusive father, the only thing that will REALLY make her grow is pain. It will make her stronger. Take away something she likes and you tell her to respect you and that she should understand everything she knows comes from you. Because you are her mother and you deserve more respect then what you are getting. It should not be diffuclt. You are the wiser one and will ALWAYS be stronger. Remember that, and let her know that.

Answer 4

I think that she is probably highly intelligent and that's part of the reason she seems more mature than usual. The lying would bother me if it is excessive at her age, but it may be her way of testing her limits with you and your husband. You don't want to break her will, but you must find a way to establish her compliance within the family hierarchy. Start off by getting a referral from your pediatrician for a child pyschologist. They can provide a series of age appropriate tests to determine whether she is within the boundaries of what most of us consider "normal" or if she falls somewhere outside those boundaries. You're the mother, and if you've got a "hunch" that something is not quite right, then you are doing the right thing to be concerned. If after she's been tested and everything comes back OK, then you'll know for certain that you just have a stubborn child.

Answer 5

I have similar concerns for my five year old daughter. I truly believe that our personalities are present at birth. Research shows that approximately 80 percent of who we are and how we react to stress is determined by our own genetics. I have four children and my five year old is by far the most responsible and the most grown up. I think the only way that I am successful at taking her out of her grown-up mind frame is when I treat her like a kid. Because she is the youngest, I feel that I let her take the reign a lot because I know she can do for herself. I spend less time with her because my sons require so much more attention from me. However, I feel more like her mom when I do things for her and not let her do it just to make things easier for me. She actually really loves when I hold her and snuggle her or when I color pictures with her. She will always be an adult in a kids body; she was made that way. I think I was the same way as a kid. Maybe your daughter and my daughter are wanting our attention more and the only way to get it is to try to be more like us. I don't know, I am just brainstorming here. I know that for me I don't spend the time with her that I should. I will try to do better.

Answer 6

You have a truly genuine daughter with a different soul then most kids her age. She is intelligent beyond her years and this could actually be a sign of major intelligence. Right now she is an intelligent yet stubborn 4 year old but as her age progresses, it seems that her wisdom will only grow.
I think you should take her to psychologist so she can speak to someone whose profession specializes in these types of cases. The psychologist will be able to give you a thorough description of what her behavior is reflecting and whether or not it is appropriate or if not, what you can do to help stop it.

Answer 7

You sound like a terrific parent and this situation doesn't sound awfully unusual to me. An adult woman (mom) has been her main role-model, so she naturally emulates the mothering behaviors she sees. I don't believe this type of behavior causes her to miss out on a being a kid. It may only last until she's a little older and develops more interest in her peer group.

Consistent discipline is important. Since you've had to try many things (some effective/some ineffective) maybe she is still willing to test situations to see what you will try next. My suggestion is: choose one consequence that she can depend on. Even if she has to experience it many times until she modifies her behavior...along the way she will learn you are fair and consistent.

Answer 8

Do you know what the meaning of the word hypochondriac is? That's like a person who pays so much attention to a normal ache in their body analizes it until they think it's a tumor or something worse. Your daughter is still only 4. Try not to pay to much attention to what you think you know about her and start correcting the situation now. Find her a play friend and keep her away from the baby. Treat her like a child and she'll probably end up appreciating you for it. Don't treat a child like an adult, they're not adults. You know it, and she knows it too. It's natural for a child to be interested in taking care of their baby sibling. That doesn't mean she's trying to be an adult. She's just being any normal child. They all do this. Just try to relax. Life is grand.

Answer 9

I don't see as much as a problem with the child acting "grown up" all of the time. I don't think you can change a child's personality, and this seems like a personaliy issue to me.
For the lying, maybe try really stressing that if she continues to lie, that you cannot trust anything that she says, even if she is telling the truth. If the lying starts to have negative implications in her life, she may reconsider her ways.

Answer 10

She sounds like a typical 4 year old to me. The lying is part of it. She is seeing what she can get away with. As for doing things repititively, I live with this all day, every day. My three year old is the same way and so is my 4 year old. My six year old is starting to grow out of it though. Hang in there! It will get better, I promise. This is a phase but you need to be consistent with the discipline and let her know she will not get by with things.

Answer 11

Ok my opinion is that maybe you need to spend a little quality time with just you and her. Take her to the park or to get an ice cream, go watch a movie with her. My little cousin went through the same thing, because she was constantly watching her mother play mommy all the time, she tried to do it to , so when she decided to spend some quality time with just her and Haley she went back to her normal 5 year old self want ing to play,m and color, try it. I hoped that I helped.