Tell us a joke? Thumbs up for everyone who answer!?

Question

everybody with the power give thumbs up just for answering whatever it's just laughing a minut

Answer 1

a fairy walks into a bar and sits down next to an Irishman. He turns to her and says "hey, can you grant me three wishes?"
"Sure, what'll it be?"
"I want a pint of beer that is never empty."
She waved her wand, and *poof* a pint of cold beer appeared on the bar. The man grabbed it, downed it in one gulp and by the time he had placed it back on the bar it was full.
"So what's your next wish?"
"I'll take two more of these


One day, there were three Englishmen in an English bar, and they saw an Irishman sitting down drinking, and they decided to play a trick on him and the first Englishman said to the Irishman, "Did you know St. Patrick was a sissy?" The Irishman said, "No, I didn't." The first Englishman went back and told his friends it didn't work. The second Englishman went up to the Irishman and said, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?" The Irishman said, "No, I didn't." The Englishman went back and told his friends it didn't work. The third Englishman went to the Irishman and said, "Did you know that St. Patrick was an Englishman? The Irishman said, "No, I didn't. But that's what your friends were trying to tell me

Answer 2

Irishmen,Englishman and Scotsman, decide to visit a brothel they all pays there way Englishman gets the most expensive he were loaded, Scotsman get next most expensive and the Irishman only has 5 pound, they all come out afterwards the Englishman said money well spent, the Scotsman agrees the Irish man looked confused, they asked what he thought he simply replied i don't know i went to give her a love bit and she blew out the window.

Answer 3

a blonde woman decides she wants to start a decorating business so she goes knocking on peoples doors asking if they want anything painted. A man answers the door and says that she could paint his porch and asks how much she would charge, she says £50. He goes inside to tell his wife and she says does she realise that the porch goes all around the house, he just smiles and says what a bargain it is. A couple of hours later the blonde knocks on the door to say that she has finished and because she had so much paint left she gave it two coats, then she says by the way its not a porshe its a Lexus.

Answer 4

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."

Sign at fast-food place: "PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!"

Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Sign from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

Sign in an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."

Sign in a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."

Sign in an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

Answer 5

A couple have been married for 45 years and have three children who have all left home. One night they were making love and the wife thinks why do we always have the lights out when making love we've been married 45 years I know him completley. She turns on the light and notices he is using a dildo, which is much much bigger than his real one. When she realises she has never made love to his real penis she screams at him "In all the years we have been making love your telling me you've been using this" as she throws the dildo across she room she screams "explain yourself"...He says OK i'll explin the dildo if you explain the kids.

Answer 6

Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.

Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously. "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" "No, don't be silly," she says, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered fellow. Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, "That's me before the operation."

Answer 7

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

Answer 8

Duties of a Wife

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given
their new wives duties.

The 1st man had married an Asian woman

and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple of days but on the 3rd day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.


The 2nd man had married a White woman.

He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the 1st day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the 3rd day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.


The 3rd man married a Black woman.

He boasted that he had told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the 1st day he didn't' see anything, the 2nd day he didn't see anything but by the 3rd day most of the swelling had gone down and he
could see a little out of his left eye; enough to fix himself a bite
to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper.

Answer 9

An atheist was hiking through the woods when he was attacked by a bear. He started to run, but the bear caught up to him. He fell and the bear raised his right paw to strike. The atheist yelled, "Oh, my God!" Time stopped and a bright light came down from the sky. A voice said, "You have denied me all these years and taught others to do the same. Am I to believe you are now faithful?" The atheists said it would be hypocritical of him to claim himself a true believer now, so he instead asked God to make the bear a Christian. The light went away and time began to move again. The bear brought both paws together and said, "Lord, I thank you for this food from thy plentiful bounty, in Christ's name. Amen."

Answer 10

Theres a herd of sheep and a cow is the sheperd. the cow says" Jump over that 2 ft hedge" So the sheep jump over it.

Then the cow says "Jump over that 4ft wall" The sheep jump over it easily. Then the cow says jump over this 12ft wall. The sheep confered and said " Baaalocks" Its supposed to sound like bollocks!