How do I help my daughter to defend herself?

Question

my daughter is 8 years old and she has been having alot problems with some of the neighborhood kids and they keep on trying to jump on her. there is one certain little girl that calls her fat bitches and ugly. It hurts me so badly to see her go through this, because I also went through the same thing when I was her age. I know how she feels when she comes home crying so hard that she vomits and can't catch her breath. I want to put her self defense classes but I don't if that is such a good idea. I purposely put her summercamp to avoid this. Now that summer is over, and the kids are back in school, I thought that it would be over but its not. Someone please help me.

Answer 1

talk to the mother of the kids for 1....you can find something that she can do away from the kids..... or.....get her involved in an activity that the others are interested in as well and possibly get them to all do it together(have a tie dye party outside and invite them all supervised of course!).... have her kill the other girls with KINDNESS....compliment them(i am sure behind gritted teeth!)...it is hard for somone to attack once a compliment is given....reassure your daughter too that this is just 1 phase of life, although a tough one, these kids are NOT her whole world (tho it may seem so now!)...if it persists..and the mother does not try to intervene..i would get video proof of the cruelty...i DID see a judge judy of a similar and the tormented kid won.....the other kids were humiliated by judy..WAS GREAT!...but that is LAST resort....along with therapy!....JUST PRAISE your child DAILY!!....i too was tormented and did not turn out so bad!!...;o)
kids are mean!

Answer 2

I'm a guy who went through the same thing. I got picked on constantly, school was like jail to me were the bigger kids get away with anything they want, and the smaller quiter kids who followed the rules got treated like crap, beat up, stomped, etc. I hated fighting. I didn't like getting angry, or getting hurt. But eventually the only defense I had left was to learn how to fight and be hardcore. No advice parents/ adults gave me work. Like, "just run away, or ignore them". That doesn't do anything, or at least it rarely works, and usually works only for certain people. And that whole, "tell the teachers" routine doesn't work at all if they don't care, which is the case many times.

After I learning how to fight, and winning, and basically walking around looking like an angry jerk, no one messed with me. Anyone who tried, I pounded quick, then went back to school work. I could hardly concentrate on school work until I did this.

And it's funny how people always say, "two wrongs don't make a right". This country is full of empty, unrealistic, statements like that, that only confuses people into thinking it's true universally, when in reality, you have to use other solutions. As scarey as that truth is.

And I know the people who will give me thumbs down are those who are afraid of that truth. It really deosn't matter to me because I'm speaking from actual experience. This isn't some story I pulled out of my armpit. One of the things that irritate me the most is when people disagree with you for explaining an actual circumstance that happened to you. Too bad.

BTW, talking with the childs parents about it only works if they're civilized. Most cases, they aren't, and you'll only be making the problem worse.

Answer 3

Question? Is your daughter carrying "puppy fat". All kids want to be the same as the other kids. Anything that makes them stand apart will leave them open to bully's.Maybe this is your fault for the way you feed her. Self defense course doesn't sound too bad if she likes the idea. Possibly try to get her into something she likes and will do fairly well in - that will give her confidence a boost

Answer 4

Unfortunately self defense of the physical kind isn't going to help in this case.

The best thing you can do for your daughter is teach her to have good self esteem. Help her to be as clean and dress the best she possibly can afford so that she doesn't have to worry about those things. Tell her that she is beautiful and let her know that there are always going to be some horrible people out there who will want to make her feel badly about herself because for some reason they feel threatened by her.

After that, the only other thing you can do is go to the school and let the staff know that this is happening and let them deal with it there. Then go to the parents of the children that are doing this and finally if all of this does not work, you will have to report them to the police. This is bullying and harrassement and assault if they are jumping on her.

I feel so sorry for her and for you, all children have the right to be happy and safe, they shouldn't have to worry about these things at the age of 8 or any other age for that matter.

Give her a hug and a kiss for me and let her know that there are people who care.

Take Care and God Bless you both.

Answer 5

You can't control every negative situation your child encounters.
Build her confidence, put her in classes that will make her feel good about herself, if you think self-defense is right then do that, but maybe your daughter will thrive in a gym class or indoor rock climbing (where you learn how important you are to other people), or swimming (lessons, or competitive).
Take her mind off the frustration of her tormenters and fill up her childhood with positive experiences. Also, you or a neighbour could drive her to school until she feels more confident or a way to deal with the other children is dealt with.

Answer 6

Hi, I share with you the same problem. There are two various ways to solve. One way is to send her to the self defense classes as you said, but this way seems to be offensive especially she is still young. But, you have to do so, if the second way fails. The second way is to made a party at home and ask neighborhood kids to come home to become your daughter friends. By this way 90% of the children will stop bothering her. Good luck.

Answer 7

IMO, putting her in a self defense class is only going to teach her that fighting is the answer. She needs to talk to the guidance counselor if this is happening at school and the parents of the kids need to be talked too. But truthfully kids are going to make fun of kids no matter what, so you need to teach your daughter self esteem and how to just ignore it.
Good luck!

Answer 8

Go to the school and ask what their bully policy is. If they don't have one, INSIST they get one and keep checking until they do. Many districts are taking this issue seriously these days due to the increasing negative consequences of bullying. The reactions are getting more severe (up to and including murder and suicide) so schools must take it seriously.

"Yummy Mummy" (on the Discovery channel) aired an episode on this and had an expert on the subject on the show. In fact, the hostess of the show shared that she experienced bullying as a child. They offered lots of useful advice on how to handle it and there are books for parents of bullied kids.

Visit their website, find the show, and check on the subject for book titles, or check with the library or book store. If you want more anonymity, check Amazon for books on the subject. But get involved.

Answer 9

Well I know how she feels to. It is terrible as a child to go through it. The first thing you need to do is help her feel better about her self. If she is overweight then bring health food into the house and get her into a sport where she can exercise. Secondly take her and get her a new outfit and a new hair dew. THis will help her feel better. Then take care of those kids. I would talk to their parents. I would fiel a complaint. If it is that bad take her out and home school hewr or change schools. This will scar her as I am sure you know for the rest of her life. The only thing that will help is change...good luck

Answer 10

I am so sorry that you have to watch your daughter go through this. I think it's important for you, and I know this isn't always possible, to get out of the town you live in and get a fresh start for you and her. If this isn't a possibility, I believe you can contact the police about the problem because, believe it or not, what they are doing to her is harrassment and it will affect her for the rest of her life, especially if you don't get a handle on it now. Good luck...I give you a lot of credit for trying to take hold of the situation instead of just labeling it "kid problems" and ignoring it... ;)