Divorced mothers: Does your ex stick with the visitation schedule?

Question

My ex husband acts like the visitation schedule we have is for him to adjust any way he wants to. He hardly ever comes to pick up my son anyways, he usually sends someone else. It is usually his mother. She has shown up an hour and a 1/2 early before and has also shown up an hour and a 1/2 late. My son has been dropped off late before. My ex has also gotten his weekends mixed up before, and when I don't give in to him, he starts yelling at me and throwing a fit. Do any other moms have to deal with this mess?

Oh, he also has a bad habit of dropping my son off early. He can keep him until 6:00 pm but he frequently drops him off hours early, even before noon sometimes. He doen't even bother to call to make sure I will be home.

Answer 1

Luckily I don't have to deal with this. The worthless bastard has nothing to do with his kids. So I don't have that headache. I tried for awhile to get him to see them, but he always had "other" plans or would come up with some lame *** excuse.

The breaking point was the day the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers came out on video. My boys REALLY wanted it, and good old "dad" said he'd buy it. He said to stop by after work and he'd give them $20 to go buy it. He was 45 minutes late getting there, had company already waiting for him other than his kids (some girl he met while out of town) and said he didn't have time to get to the bank so he didn't have any money. No sorry guys, I'll have to do it tomorrow, no sorry I made you wait, or hold on, I'll run to the ATM. Nothing. Just "I didn't make it to the bank, and I have company waiting so I have to go." He never even looked at the boys. They were so heartbroken and upset, they both decided then and there they didn't want to see "dad" anymore. I didn't have any extra cash for another week, but I went home, found some jewelry I didn't wear, sold it, and bought them their movie.

I've never badmouthed their father anywhere near them, and apparently I don't have to. They saw his true colors for themselves. They now have a wonderful father figure who is more than willing to step up to the plate and be Dad. So just because he can make babies, doesn't make him a father. Just makes him the sperm donor in my opinion. Man I HATE dead beat dads. Assholes.

Answer 2

I dealt with this for 12 years now my kids are almost out of the house. I would give him 15 minutes on each end and if he does not show up then take off with your son to do something else. I was told this by the judge in our proceedings. Make sure that you are not home or available when he drops off early or phone him and let him know you will not be home until 6 pm when he is to drop off your son. If this does not work then I suggest keeping a diary of all the events and go back to family court. Taping would not hurt either to show that he is dropping him off early or late. Please do not stress about this as your son gets older he will realize what his father is all about and the beauty part is that you do not have to say a word. Although when your son does decide that his father is a deadbeat it will be your fault but you will be able to sleep at night you are doing the best for your son. Stick to your guns it does get better I promise.
Good luck to you and your son.

Answer 3

Nope. My ex is supposed to pick up my daughter every other Saturday morning at 10am. For the last eight weeks (four visits) he has called at exactly 9am on Saturday to provide a variety of excuses. Typically he takes her about 1 out of every 4-5 times he's supposed to have her. When he does take her he often drops her off early so I can never go out for the day because she may come home early. Why doesn't he cancel ahead of time so we could possibly go away for the weekend or my daughter (who is a teenager now) could make other plans? I guess because he's an inconsiderate prick.

I told the judge it was a waste of time to award him visitation. This is a guy who left me when I was pregnant and lived several minutes away until she was 8 years old and never saw her NOT EVEN ONCE OR NEVER PAID A SINGLE DIME. Still, in California, all you have to do is donate some chromosomes and you are given second, third, fourth and fifty third chances to get it right. I knew he'd get tired of her when he finally got visitation and he sure did. Only 3.5 more years and I'm rid of him entirely, I'm counting the days.

Answer 4

A court order is what its called, any adjustments either way need to be dealt with in court, if they come early, tell them you'll see them in an hour, if they come late, dont authorise visitation, sooner or later they'll get the message that you also have a life and know how to be in control of it. They will treat you as you allow them too. My ex husband and I have a court agreement and at first was hard for him to stick to it, but when he realised that I was no longer his property to treat any way he wanted and his child was not a toy to be played with when he had time, he soon learnt to take advantage of the time given to him and started to abide by the agreement, takes time but it all starts somewhere.

Answer 5

As disappointing as it is, there is nothing that you can do to make your ex change his ways (believe me I have felt your same frustration)

My daughter is 7 years old and she has already made up her mind (about her father and his lack of visitation)...she's seen him once in the last 5 years because he's too busy with his new family. Now he wants to see her (of course he wants me to send her across the country to see him, not him come and see her) When asked if she wanted to visit with her father, my daughters response was a simple "no".

Take cues from your son and how he feels about the time he spends with his father. This is about what is in the best interests of your son, not his father...As your ex is not keeping up to the scheduled visitation, I would have his visitation changed to "at your discretion".

Answer 6

This sounds just like my ex. I finally got tired of being the nice one...it didn't get me anywhere. Tell him from now on you need to follow what the papers say to do. I told my ex that if he got here before 6 he could wait out in the car, if he was here late I would assume he wasn't coming... Just don't be home until you are supposed to be. It stinks to have to be that way but it stinks worse to have to plan around a butthead ex.

Answer 7

Very jealous, Renae B! My ex is abusive and violent - he doesn't physically hit me (he has once in the past) but he gets right up in my face and yells abuse at me.
He refuses to feed his son vegetables and healthy food, instead feeding him rubbish (not a problem for a once-a-fortnight dad, but he has our son half of every week).. he gives him jelly beans (the "good" ones from the chemist- the GLUCOSE ENHANCED ones designed to raise blood sugar levels in diabetics)...
He is completely negligent, drives dangerously with our son in the car, and is arrogant to the point of making sure that screwing me over comes before caring for his son.
He left me with all the debt, took all the assets, and tells everyone how hard done by he is because I left him. AFTER 8 years of verbal abuse, gaslighting, and put-downs and me never coming first. Oh, and not to mention disowning my daughter, who he raised from 9 months old to 8 1/2 years old, completely shattering her self-esteem and self-worth and making her feel unloved. But as he says, "your bastard daughter isn't my problem".. and people keep defending him. I have lost so many friends it's ridiculous

Answer 8

My ex husband has seen our son once in 5 years. But I can't build a relationship with his son FOR him. He has to do that. And yes, he WILL regret not seeing him more one day. I will do everything I can to ensure my son grows up to be a responsible, God fearing man. So when he's successful and happy, his dad will know he had NOTHING to do with that!

Answer 9

Get it all straight - write down each weekend he is to have him and give him a copy as well - stick it on the back of your calander so you have covered yourself, this isnt fair on children at all but if it carries on then its the children who will lose trust in the parent whos unreliable. Have you thought of getting legal advice? get it defined in a court of law as to when he has his son and the correct times for collecting and picking up - with exeptions for traffic etc but thats his probem - lhe should eave home earlier to collect.

Dont be bullied into him throwing tantrums either and stand up to him - also if your not happy with his mother coming who also seems unreliable with her time keeping - stand up to him and tell him if he wants a relationship with his child then he should make the effort to be the one who collects him. - and yes others do have these probs and it will drive you insane unless you stick to your guns now and the arrangments are stuck to for the sake of your son.

Good luck xx

Answer 10

ok, i'm going to be the "odd one out" w/ my answer here. my ex loves our son. our divorce was a split for us but not for their father/son relationship. sure, he's run late, switched days or whatever.i've done it too! now we're doing 1 week w/ each parent and i actually moved 4 blocks away from him and the new mrs. to make this work. it's tough but ultimately i've got to realize that he wants a "normal" life with OUR son too. he's switched his work hours to make this work and we talk things out as they come up. i'm just sorry that more people (moms) aren't as lucky as i am to have a wonderful loving (but thank god ex!) co-parent for their child!