I have a step-daughter who lives in a plush off-campus apartment(picture fireplace and garden tub)her 1st year in college with her boyfriend(whole other issue)and has her car, insurance, rent, food, cable, cell phone, and utilities as well as books and remaining tuition paid for by us and her mother 50/50. She works very part-time at a mall clothing store to pay for gas and other non-essentials. She is furious when we put a $50/month cap on our portion of groceries and wont reimburse her for candy. Her mother threatens law suits and daughter thinks we're awful and hates us. My husband and I make less than $60K combined a year with her 15 yr old brother living with us. We drive 10+yr old vehicles(hers is much newer and her 3rd by the way) and we live a very modest life. We both attend school full-time and work full-time to pay or mortgage and bills and provide her with this lifestyle which we only seem to think excessive. How can we convince her she is wanting more than our means?
2006-09-17 10:34:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Financial Aid
First off, set her down and talk to her. Tell her the situation. Tell her that you guys can't afford to give her this excessive live. That she has to grow up and start taking responsibilty for herself. Secondly, I wouldn't be completely paying for her rent, she could have very well lived in a dorm, I had too. If she wanted to have her own apt, then she should pay for that all by herself. Her car, yeah I can see paying a portion of and maybe paying for the car insurance. I like the idea on only paying a portion of her food, she doesn't need cable, so I would cut that off. If she wants cable maker her pay it herself, she doesn't need it, she should be studying and going to school, not watching tv. and cable is not a necessity, along with the cell phone. if she wants the cell phone she should pay it herself, its not a necessity either. And the utilities, its the same as the apt, she wanted to apt, she should be paying for it herself. She could have very well lived in a dorm. And I wouldn't fear the lawsuits, nothing they can do to you. You are still helping her, you are just now doing it within your means. Make her pay for it, she is grown up and in college, she has to learn responsibility. Are you going to want to conitune paying her rent and stuff when she graduates and gets married? I would get a handle on it now and quickly..
2006-09-17 10:50:32 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a spoiled rotton brat. You are giving her way too much.
Her mom can't sue you. Since your step-daughter is a freshmen in college I am assuming she 18 or 19 and therefore a adult. So you no longer need to pay child support.
You can still pay for her tuition and books, that is reasonable. But everything else sounds pretty excessive.
As for the rent of her apartment, first of all her boyfriend should be paying 1/2. Second of all she shouldn't even be in aparment if she is just a freshmen. Don't pay any more then a dorm would cost. Which I think is around $1000 a year,more maybe depending on the college.
And as for her insurance, you and your husband shouldn't be responsible for all of it, what about her mother?
And for her cell phone you could pay like just for her minutes and if she wants like internet, and texting and stuff then she can pay the extra.
And cable, let her and her boyfriend pay that.
As for food the $50 a month sounds reasonable, and of course she can pay for her own candy!
It sounds like you and your husband are working hard to make a good life for yourselves. She is being excessive and unrealistic and you need to put a stop to her fantasy. She needs to know what real life is like!
Well anyhow. Good luck with what ever you decide to do. I hope you consider some of the things I said because she really reminds me of many of the spoiled kids I was in highschool with 2 years ago. She really needs a reality check!
2006-09-17 17:53:07 · answer #2 · answered by stmmay87 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
stop paying for everything is a way. i wouldn't let my kid do that and if her mom wants to have a whole issue about it then she can pay for it by herself . this girl has got it made when i go to college if i haven't worked hard enough for a scholarship I'm going to have student loans like crazy and pay them back by myself even though my mother is paid well this girl is a brat she cant be acting like that if shes 18 or whatever that's how a 12 year old acts i say too bad if she thinks u hate her because u don't and if shes too stupid to see that then its her problem this is kind of blunt but I'm trying to get my point across there's really no other way because shes such an ingrate you should see how many college students work their a$$es off all through college because they're trying to get somewhere working 3 part time jobs and living in a small apartment with 4 roommates . I'm sorry but your step daughter needs a reality check because if she keeps getting catered to, that's how she'll be for the rest of her life and she wont be ready after college and it'll be y'alls fault for tolerating it
2006-09-17 17:47:49 · answer #3 · answered by Pineapple 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her 30 days, if she doesn't get more hours or a better job and a cheaper dwelling she will be back home going to a Community College living at home having no choice or just forget the College education all together. Then you have to live up to the threat. You have no choice or both of you will have to get part time jobs or prepare to file bankruptcy. You both didn't get where you are by giving away money to freeloaders why start now, she doesn't care about you or your life that obvious.
2006-09-17 17:55:37 · answer #4 · answered by Johnny 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
She is extremely spoiled, and if you continue to support her fantasy life style, you aren't doing her any favors. She needs to take responsibility for her own life, since she is an adult, and although it's great that you are helping her out, it shouldn't be an expectation on her part.
First, I think you should make copies of your question along with all of the suggestions you have gotten and present her with them. You and your husband ought to discuss this with his ex wife also. I've been and am in your shoes, having had my daughter graduate from college two months ago my son just starting. He is working and putting himself through school.
Another thing, if she is old enough to be playing house with a bf, she should be old enough to put herself through school and take out student loans. Have her apply for FAFSA loans.
Good luck.
2006-09-17 18:02:49 · answer #5 · answered by busy_kona_b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sit down and discuss with stepdaughter (you and husband), and discuss together what you will pay for. Tell her what her mother pays for is her business, but what are the things she needs to have (for that $50 grocery), and how much she would then think is reasonable (if she wants more, she has to budget it out....). Remind her the reason she is going to college for the education and to get that better paying and more satisfying job in the future. Until then, well, she will have to work more if she wants more. That's what y'all are having to do, isn't it?
2006-09-17 17:41:35 · answer #6 · answered by Jenny H 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If she is 18, it is time to cut her off. The mom can threaten suit all she wants. Once the girl is in college, she is emancipated into adulthood. She should be getting a taste of what real life is all about. If boyfriend is there, let them figure out for themselves. She willnever learn reality this way, and pretty soon she could start thinking "if everyone is taking care of me, why should I go to school? I have it good!"
Good luck Hon!
2006-09-17 17:44:27 · answer #7 · answered by Gothic Martha™ 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I have a politically correct answer-but that's not what I'm going to offer.
If your step-daughter hasn't learned financial responsibility by this time and she hates you, it's not going to be easy to turn and appreciate your beliefs, lifestyle, and opinions.
If it's gotten to the point where her mother has threatened you, I'm guessing that you've conveyed your thoughts to your step-daughter in whatever way...just my assumption.
....but don't mix financial responsibility and respect.
Most young adults don't have financial responsibility. There's a lot of people in their 30's and up that don't have financial responsibility either. That's why the US national savings rate has gone down in the recent years to less than 1 percent.
So let's deal with the respect issue for now.
For me, if she's not willing to respect you and live by the rules of the household, she wouldn't be living in that house.
So, try to sit down together, talk calmly about how you feel with her without causing any defensiveness and without accusations. If she still disrespects you, offer her the options (an ultimatum) that she has to live by certain rules or not live there at all.
Sometimes people have to live and learn the hard way and fall on their face before they get it. Just pray that she will learn fast enough.
2006-09-19 21:42:34 · answer #8 · answered by Charles Amith 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
by letting her sit with you while the bills are being done. Let her see how much money you have, it's amazing how kids still think money grows on trees and flutters out of an ATM machine like water down a creek at that age. Why don't you tell her she's an adult, so act like one.
2006-09-17 17:43:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
pay for her own car insurance - without it she can't drive
2006-09-17 17:43:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋