Grieving the loss of my brother...can you help?

Question

Three months ago I lost my brother to complications from type 1 diabetes. He was 44. I am still in so much pain and don't think I will ever really get over the fact that he is gone. I keep thinking that something I said or did------ or didn't say------ and didn't do, might have made a difference in the outcome and that he would still be here with us (my family). I miss my brother and have never experienced a greater heartbreak than this. If anyone here has lost a close loved one, how did you deal with your pain?

His death was sudden and unexpected. My parents and I found him in his bed. He'd been an insulin-dependent diabetic since he was 6 years old and had a pitiful life.

Answer 1

i have just recently lost my father to lung cancer .. and my father wanted us to remember him with a smile .. and to carry on loving life , which i try to do

now my husband also has type 1 diabetes ... and nothing you did or didnt do could have made a difference to the outcome sweetheart
the last thing a diabetic wants .. is anyone to be in control of their lives .. the diabetes does that for them
i know of many who are like this .. stubborn , independant wonderful people ( who we could kick sometimes lol )
have a read on the pschological affects of type 1 and you will no doubt notice some patterns to your brother and others
you brother now .. is diabetes free .. pain free .. and most likley smiling down on you and just want to give you a big hug and say .... im OK now
i am so sorry you are in such pain
love to you xxx

Answer 2

Yes, I lost my babysister in February, the first of us to die after the lost of my mother and father. Her husband asked me why did I come back alive after I was prenounced dead two years before and she was at my side. I'm a type 1 diabetic, since age 7, now I'm a britter diabetic. I had 3 close calls. The night she died I rised up from a sound sleep and felt as though I had been gutted. I rised her, until she was 14 years of age. I'm the oldest of 8 children and everyone thinks I should have been by her side. Well, I'm also a quad, and it was impossible for me to be. I know she is better off where she is now than where she was. I know she no longer has to deal with pain. There was nothing you could have done that would have made a difference, We all only have so many breaths and when it is over, we must continue, far there is others that need our help. Give thanks that you can help someone else with a kind word or a lesson on diabetes. You are left behind to do work, so find out what it is and do it. You have no time to waste.

Silver Birch

Answer 3

I lost my son the day he was born, and I keep thinking that there was something I could have done. He had a fatal birth defect called anencephaly.
So, I know what you are going through.
However, I am also type 1 diabetic, and trust me...if he died from complications from that, like you said...it was his doing that led to his death.
I have been diabetic for over 15 years now, and I have no symptoms of it. My eyes while going bad, are not affected by my diabetes. My kidneys failed once, but it was due to over 24 hours straight of throwing up caused from a serious bout of a bad flu that hit back in '95. Other than that my kidneys are fine.
I have had 3 other perfectly healthy children and was actually healthier than I ever was during my pregnancies.
I've gone through all of those situations that are not good for a diabetic and have come out just fine...because I take my insulin every day and try to stay away from too much sugar.
So...if he died from complications of diabetes, then it was because he couldn't or just didn't take care of himself.
You had nothing to do with that...unless you were offering him sugar and then hiding his insulin. I doubt that is the case, so DO NOT blame yourself...please!!

Answer 4

I've experienced 5 sudden, unexpected deaths in my immediate family - 4 of them on the same night. My baby brother was the fifth loss, 13 years later. His death had the effect on me that your brother's loss seems to be having on you. The only thing to be done is just finding a way to get through (I just kept busy with my children, and forced it out of my mind as best I could) until time begins to 'take the edge off' of the pain. I'm sorry if my experience is an upsetting answer to you, but I do believe there is no 'solution'. All my sympathies to you, and I hope you have good people helping you.

Answer 5

I'm sorry that you are sad about losing your brother.44 is pretty young. I'm pretty sure that there was nothing that you could have done to save your him from his health condition.Would he have listened to you anyway about avoiding sugar ,carbs,exercising and taking his medicine?It's weird, but as I am typing I keep picturing a cute Puerto Rican guy , with dark curly hair. Did he look like that?Diabetes is a high maintenence health condition.I'm sure you're brother did the best that he was able to.The best way to deal with the pain is to make it your lifes mission to educate people about getting tested for diabetes.Tell them your brothers story and talk to as many people in your community as you can. You never know who's life you're going to save because you took the time to make a difference.Keeping a journal of your feelings and writing your brother a letter will really help.Tell him all the things that you wished you would have said including the fact that you feel responsible for not trying hard enough to help him.If you wouldn't feel too weird you even talk outloud to him.I believe our deceased loved ones can see & hear and feel our good intentions.Don't be surprised if you dream about him sometimes.He might try to reach you to let you that he's ok.The best way to honor him is to take really good care of yourself and your health.he would want that for you.Check the newspaper for listings at hospitals, churches or funeral homes for grief support groups.These are people who understand what it's like to lose a loved one and how much it helps to talk about it.The pain gets a little better each day that I can tell you.It's how YOU choose to spend the remainder of your time here that counts.Live well and when you're feeling a little better laugh often. He would have wanted that for you.

Answer 6

I lost a brother 28 years ago and my father 27 years ago and a great friend/brother 31 years ago. Let me tell you my friend there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of them. I miss them and like you there are things that would of been nice for me to say, but my brother and friend it happened to fast, my father had lung cancer for a year before he died and we never made amends about our relationship. I had to put that aside because the pain was to great. Do your self a favor, did your brother know that you loved him? Then keep that in your mind and in your heart and the pain will be there many years from now but now as bad as it is today. You will never forget him and just keep on remembering.

Answer 7

I had been spared the pain of loosing loved ones for many years, (I never knew any of my Grandparents). But three years ago I lost my Mother and my Father had a fatal heart attack 11 months later. It must be particularly painful when a family member dies at such a young age and my heart goes out to you.

My wife also lost her Father about the same time and so we consoled each other. We both turned to God through Jesus and found comfort and healing. God knows the pain we go through and will lighten our burden if we seek him.

God Bless you and your family.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear of your loss of your brother, and your deep pain.

I have so much faith in the resurrection that I believe I am going to see all my dead relatives that are in the memorial tombs soon; as long as I am faithful also, John 5:28 and 29.

Luke 20:38 He is a God, not of the dead but of the living, for they are all living to him.

To a dead person, when they wake up from the grave, it is like waking up from sleep, like only a second of time went by.

Apparently you are the one in pain from suffering a deep emotional loss. Prayer to God about the matter will greatly relieve the pain and give you hope.

John 6:33 For the bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.

John 15:16b ..in order that no matter what you ask the Father in my name, he might give it to you.

Answer 9

Im 17 and at the beginning of this year i lost my mother. She had an accident on the highway when she was riding her moped and got hit by a car and died. i know its hard but instead of focusing on the negatives focus on the positive side of things. i had the same issue because i moved out of home 2 weeks before she died and missed the last 2 weeks of her life and then blamed myself because if i had of told her to spend another night at my house it wouldnt have happened.

Seriously, just remember all the good memories of your childhood and life together that is making him smile right now up above, and all the people such as your grandparents his reuited with. hes up above in no pain, hes watching you so smile for your brother please ;-)

Answer 10

Although nothing can fully take away the pain of losing a loved one, we can be comforted that all people on earth will be resurrected again because Jesus Christ overcame death when he rose from the grave. In addition to this, we can know that in the night before his crucifiction, Jesus Christ knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane and took upon himself all of the sins of the world and suffered all of the pain. For this reason, Christ knows the exact pain that we are going through because he has felt it as well. This means that we can confide in him completely through prayer to make it through such troubling times.