I am 9 mths prego and in a serious relationship. Me and the father lives together but I believe that he is cheating on me. We are having probs and I am trying to stay strong for my unborn baby girl. I have an ex who I talk to everyonce and a while. He still likes me and even express that he's ready to settle down. Should I leave the man who I am with for my ex. I've been trying to stick around for the sake of my baby. But my bf knows this and basically taking me for granted. WWYD.
2006-09-17 09:21:37 · 17 answers · asked by jamie n 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Me and the father have been friends, bf and gf off and on since 97. I met my ex in 02 and we're still cool. I love my boyfriend alot. I broke up with my ex for my boyfriend I did not want to cheat on neither one. I chose my boyfriend over him. My ex knows my situation and explained to me that he's there. I have the upmost respect for him he is a man. Smart, educated, and sexy. He has everything that I will ever want in a man. But I made a very big mistake. Just dont know what to do. I love the both of them. Just confused.
2006-09-17 09:42:42 · update #1
Why did you and your ex split up? after how long? How did you meet the father, how long ago, and how has the relationship been before your pregnancy? (these questions have a bearing on how you view intimate relationships and help to set the context for your problem)
Pregnancy causes much turmoil and it can make a person feel paranoia when there is no reason for it - you are not actually paranoid but your hormones are out of whack. The turmoil can also make pregnant women want to break up, to hurt their spouse etc - each case is different. Each case is not a reflection on the woman but an example of the power of hormones to override behavioural controls.
You have to sit down with your current man and tell him how you feel, that you feel this way because of the hormones, but that you need reassurances from him that it is not so. Be sure to tell him also that the child you are bringing into the world will need two parents, and that if there is doubt or disinterest or cheating on his part it would be better that you end the relationship before the baby's birth.
PS
(I stand by the hormones-enhance-paranoia and other negative emotions bit - but read on)
You and your boyfriend have a longer and more complicated history than you and your ex.
Are you both mature enough to sit down and calmly discuss the problems and how to solve them? Going to your ex just because your current situation is not working is not a good idea at this time.
Moreover, it is far better to have your child in a stable situation - with either both parents or just you - than to have turmoil, especially in the very early stages when the baby is bonding.
You are going to have to do serious thinking - and fast, so that when your baby is born there is a peaceful, loving and happy environment.
Good luck.
2006-09-17 09:23:19 · answer #1 · answered by kerangoumar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll have to find out if your boyfriend is cheating rather then basing everything on your own assumptions. If he is not around often and is staying out to the wee hours of the night then he is most likely cheating and is also being very unsupportive seeing that you're about to give birth to your baby.
If after the birth your boyfriend still seems to be taking you for granted all you can do is breakup with him and move on. Don't stay together for your child, that will only hurt you and your child in the long run because she'll end up being the witness to your constant fights and arguments. Seems like your ex that is ready to settle down would be the best bet but first wait till your baby girl is born and then see how things go.
2006-09-17 09:25:11 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
confront your man quietly and ask him if he is messing about ,if he is then he has not grown up yet,no grown up enought to have a baby with you.Get some family support together..if not contact the local womens refuge who will be able to advise you..you may have to make some pretty fast desision here.It is not good eaither to get involved with your ex...you and your baby will be happier coping by yourself and with the support of friends than living with a man who is cruel and selfish enough to mess about..you and the baby are worth more than this and desrve all the love and support..he should be looking after you,treating you like a queen.
take care my love..there are lots of single mother out there hwo are happy and content and mange well.."ginger bread" is a single parent group.
good luck...think only of yourslf and the baby..maybe your ex can be a freind to you for now and help.
2006-09-17 09:30:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
for the sake of the baby could turn out worse for the baby in the long run with the baby growing up in a house that's not so full of love.
what's best for your baby is for you to be secure, happy and comfortable in your life otherwise the baby suffers right along with you both and angry households are never good for children
so do what's gonna keep you from having to scream, argue or letting the baby see you sad and depressed all the time
2006-09-17 09:24:30 · answer #4 · answered by princesstheruler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all are you sure he is cheating on you? I would find out first, it could just be your emotions running. Are you sure if you leave him you want to be with your ex.. Just some things you might want to think about. If he is cheating I wouldn't stay with him just for the sake of a child. There is plenty of men out there that will love you and your child.
Good luck
2006-09-17 09:29:33 · answer #5 · answered by starkiis 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you honestly staying with your babies father because your pregnant? Does it have anything to do with love? How about your ex, why is he your ex? If you don't love him, then that is not the way to look for security. Sounds likes you and your baby daughter need to find other arrangements, if you can't resolve your relationship problems with your babies father.
2006-09-17 09:32:42 · answer #6 · answered by MEDUSA 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's simply who would make a better father not who's the real father. If your ex knows you're pregnant with another and still wants to make a family then he sounds pretty good. He must really like you. Never ever stay with a cheating goose like the other one.
2006-09-17 09:24:45 · answer #7 · answered by Sonnenrad 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give the baby up for adoption. Sounds like there are way too many problems in your life already for the baby to even have a good life. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but if you really do love your baby, you will consider HER future. There are many mature, well financed and secure people out there who are longing for a child who can give her a chance in life.
2006-09-17 09:26:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont stay with anyone just because of a child. Stay with him because you love him and want to be with him. You have live life for yourself. Now that you have a child, yeah, things might get difficult, but the father of your child should step in and help out no matter who you're seeing.
2006-09-17 09:25:18 · answer #9 · answered by Gary 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i wouldnt leave him for the other guy unless i was sure that he is cheating ...if he is cheating get the heck out of there you wont be doing your unborn daughter one bit of good to have a dad like that, but are you sure you want to be with the other guy or are you just using him for an escape? i would not go with the other guy either do you have family to go to or some other place to go?
2006-09-17 09:24:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋