me and my bf (now) were suppose to get married next april, but recently we've had problems, it's like everything we do we cannot get along. well i'm in the point of my life and so is he that we are still trying to figure out what we want in life. so we decided to take a break from each and just live life for ourselves for a little. I thought that was a great idea to split for a moment. but last night we had a moment in which we've never experienced, we talked for hours and cried together, (he's not the crying type) and I felt that connection that I've havn't been able to feel for 4 years now. I moved back home 3 1/2 hrs away and now I feel like we've made a big mistake separating. Did I do the right thing, will we end up together again. Cuz right now, i just miss him so bad and cant seem to focus on anything else. I just need a little support.
2006-09-17 08:12:34 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I realized from reading this that you really love him and to have a great realationship you will have your good times and bad times and you have to be willing to get through those bad times whether it hurts you or not. I know he really loves you to, he will call you and talk to you but he needs to realize that on his own.
2006-09-17 08:17:08 · answer #1 · answered by Someone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've just began to rebuild your relationship. However, only you and your BF can figure out if the relationship is really heading in the right direction. No one can really say whether or not you two belong together.
If you're ever at a point where you want to reflect on your relationship, it may help to figure out and write down what you want/need out of your BF and what you don't like or can't stand about him and ask him to do the same about you. Talk about how the things on your lists make you feel and try not to point fingers and attach adjectives. (I know that if I was to tell my girlfriend was to tell me that I was driving like a friggen maniac, I'd flip out ... but if she said she felt unsafe because of the speed I was driving, I'd be more inclined to do something to make her feel better.)
On a side note, I personally am not a big believer in big breaks. It's understandable that a couple can keep playing the blame game until the oil boils over the pot and into the fire but leaving the mess behind to be forgotten about just doesn't work.
I don't know how bad your arguments get, but I know that whenever I feel like I'm going to say something I regret, I bite my tongue and ask for space. I am not good with rhetoric and when I feel like I'm losing an argument, I do get into a heated anger. Usually a few minutes (to a few hours depending) will let me cool off and clear up how I actually feel about something and when I return to the situation, I can be calm and I'm open to apologizing.
I always make it a point to resolve an issue though. I would never walk away from a problem and forget about it because then I wouldn't learn anything and make the same mistake.
Arguments really shouldn't be about how the other person is wrong .. they should be about how to avoid such conflicts in the future. Understand the feelings that happened, and put a mechanism in place to try something different. If you or your significant other can't make those kinds of sacrifices, then it probably isn't meant to be.
I hope for the best for you two and I hope the distance doesn't make things too difficult. Hang in there, u'll come out on top!
Have you ever watched "The Story Of Us" by any chance? Great movie for couples who get into arguments.
2006-09-17 08:48:50 · answer #2 · answered by cdub 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation right now except I moved in with my fiance and my family lives more than 3 and a half hours away. We're trying to figure things out because we've been arguing a lot more than usual but the advice that I can give you is that if you feel like it's meant to be then you should try and work it out. If this time apart is helping the two of you to realize what needed to be mended in your relationship, maybe you shouldn't rush back into being together full time. You'd be wise to make sure that getting back together is the right thing for you.
Maybe the two of you should get some counseling together. Just a thought....it might help you to see what the other wants out of the relationship.
2006-09-17 08:18:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing. If you have had problems for four years one conversation is not going to change a lot. It is a good start. Maybe now that you've opened up the lines of communication you can get to a point where your relationship is strong. You may even want to look into premarital counseling either with your church, pastoral counselor, or an independent counselor. You sound very young and it is very common for young couples to grow in different directions. It is better to learn this now than after your married and maybe with children. Maybe you are meant to be together but any lasting relationship needs work. If it is worth it you will both be committed to working on it. Good luck to you both.
2006-09-17 08:18:56 · answer #4 · answered by Stacy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys did the right thing. Look what happened, he opened up, you guys did something that you guys had not done in a while. Made you guys closer in ways you can't image. Have you talked to him about the break being over? Maybe holding off the wedding, but you guys can get back together? You didn't make a mistake about seperating, all you two have to do is realize that maybe its time to get back together and the seperation was the best and your relationship is stronger. All you can do is ask him and tell him how you feel about things now.
2006-09-17 08:17:16 · answer #5 · answered by ConfusedK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did do the right thing by taking a break but now you know what you want and that is him. You guys seem to have a strong relationship. Before you rush into anything, i would sit down and have a long talk and figure out why you guys do not get along and fix that. Seeing a councelor might help to. I wish the best of luck to you. I know things can be hard. I went through it and realized i needed to be with my boyfriend. I hope it all works out the way you want it to.
2006-09-17 08:17:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. You weren't sure, so you took time to figure it out. It sounds like you've decided you want to be with him, so you have to see if he feels the same way. Still, don't rush into it if he does get back together with you. The feelings you're having now might be partly due to loneliness, and the problems you had before you took a break, may not have gone away. You'll still have to figure out a way to deal with them if they return.
2006-09-17 08:18:17 · answer #7 · answered by answersBeta2.1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My and husband and I just got married this summer but when we were dating we went through a similar situation. We ended up taking a break for about a month. It was really hard but I feel it let us rethink our priorities and relationship.
We still talked but I limited the conversation because it was a break.
Give yourself a little time! You just started the break from each other and in order to really figure out what will make you happy you need some time to think.
It was hard for me and I missed him but it was definately worth some time to figure out what we needed.
2006-09-17 08:20:30 · answer #8 · answered by Jenny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If partners think identical life gets very boring too soon.Differences are good to some extent. Both should be mature enough to not make mountain of a mole hill. Gradually you learn to adjust.That is wisdom.Cool off a little and talk to him.Does he also feel the same way? Then decide your course of action.
2006-09-17 08:19:09 · answer #9 · answered by openpsychy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No girl you did the right thing. You all never set a time that you would get back together. so who else could have done it? Nobody but GOD got you two back together. If things get rough and tough stick it out because GOD put you two together for a reason. A person is put into your life for a reason...a season...or a life time... and he's your life time.
2006-09-17 08:18:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are apart and end up coming back together, then you will know it's right for sure. Sometimes when you are apart, it can seem so nice when you are together again, but you have to figure out if the same problems will keep coming up again.
2006-09-17 08:15:00 · answer #11 · answered by Lola76 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋