I know a phenominal girl. We've been friends for a really long time. Last night I made a move on her. Before you judge me, hear me out. She is married to a husband who abuses her. She cant afford a divorce but wants to leave him. I kissed her the other night and the guilt from making out with a married woman is killing me. If she stays with this so called 'husband' she is likely to try commit suicide again. What should I do?
2006-09-17 06:25:34 · 31 answers · asked by 1* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You should try helping her out of this situation, with her and her current husband.
If you actually do like her, you could try offering her a loan for the divorce money, if you have enough that is.
But if she is going to try to commit suicide because of her husband and there is nothing you personally can do about it, try going to someone who can help. It could be anyone, the girl's parents, a social worker, a counselor, anything.
Just try and help her out of this situation and let her know that you are here for her.
2006-09-17 06:28:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sort of depends on what this girl really wants to do. I mean did she kiss you back? Is she just using you to get out? Or is she all talk and no action? Those who really want to committ suicide will actually do it honey. They don't threaten it, they don't talk about it, they've already made up their minds and just do it. There is no "trying it again" for them. This may just be an attention getter for her. Something to gain your sympathy for her situation.
And,divorces aren't that expensive. She can print up the papers off of her state website for free and only pay the filing fee once she's filled them out which is only around $50. And if money is tight, a judge will waive those fees under certain circumstances.
Being an abused spouse myself, I've learned that there is ALWAYS a way out of every situation. You need to find out what is keeping her there. If she really wanted to leave honey, she would have by now. I doubt her husband is glued to her side 24/7. If he was, where would she be finding the time to kiss you?
If you want to do anything, build up her self esteem enough to give her enough courage to do what is right. Let go of your guilt for kissing her and just be there. If she truly wants out, and needs someone to help her, you have to be there no matter what.
2006-09-17 06:35:40 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I f you really care about this woman, you will allow her to end her relationship with her husband before you try to start one with her yourself. Be her friend, & support her emotionally through this tough period in her life. Encourage her to leave him if he continues to abuse her. The expence of a divorce is shared by the married couple not by just one spouse alone, & economic reasons are not valid enough in this day & age to remain in an abusive relationship, there are numerous resources available to her that she only needs to seek out.
It's not necessarily what you should do, as much as what you shouldn't do at this time. She needs to focus on what to do about her current relationship, & doesn't need you confusing the issue by starting an affair with her. She may be vulnerable to any advances from any man at this time, because she is starved for the kind of love, nurturing, & attention that she was supposed to get from her husband.
No long term relationship can spring from this until she is standing on solid ground herself.
Be Patient!
2006-09-17 06:41:01 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick up for her and confront the abusing husband, talk to him or even call the cops. Comfort her and tell her that everything is goiing to be okay. maybe help out with the divorce costs, but make sure your full attention is towards the wife so that she feels loved and not like a tool or a no good punching bag, best of luck to you both, hope it works out.
2006-09-17 06:36:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do whatever you can to help her leave. Do not let the husband know or he will go after you. Help her out with the money or something. don't kiss her anymore until she has left the marriage. Make sure she has protection while the divorce is going through. If you love her help her.
2006-09-17 06:28:08 · answer #5 · answered by Future Mrs. Beuerlein 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you're making out with the wife of a man prone to violence - this might not be a wise decision. As for her, she should contact the local SAFE organization or Victim's Advocate in her area and seek advise. By making out with her, you are only complicating an explosive situation and adding risk to her already tough position. If he finds out, do you think he will come after you or abuse her for the incident? Abusers don't ususally change, just look for another victim, she needs your assistance - not your romance. Get professionals involved so she can get out of this situation - call SAFE.
2006-09-17 06:32:50 · answer #6 · answered by jack w 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you love her give her the money to get a divorce. to get her out of that mess i know a woman that killed her self about four months ago because her husband abused her. no woman need a man that beats on her do all you can to get her out of the marriage before it is too late.
2006-09-17 06:40:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are a lot non profit organizations that can proved her with very little or no cost help. you are getting to close to see the clear picture and might not be good for both of you. she needs your supporting friendship of course but she also need to get legal help too. loaning her money can't be a long term or real help in her situation. and don't get physical with her again. it just make thing more complicated than it needs to. if her husband find out about this it will get very ugly for everybody.
2006-09-17 06:36:20 · answer #8 · answered by j y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a friend to her find a way to help her realize her self-worth. This will give her the courage to leave the bad relationship that she is in. But please don't try to complicate her life more with a relationship with you. She needs to figure out how to love herself before she can offer you anything more than her body. If you think she phenomenal respect and support her through this. Show her how much you think of her without trying to dig her out.
2006-09-17 06:34:13 · answer #9 · answered by B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly care for her and want to save her life, help her with a divorce. Take her in, have her take out a restraining order, and have her adress legally changed to yours. That way, if husband comes looking for trouble, you and she have the right to defend yourselves. Good luck.
2006-09-17 06:34:32 · answer #10 · answered by Special nobody 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋