tell me 15 jokes?

Question

i love jokes ,i want a bonus cop joke

please give meh some jokes

and i dont want pds qa ,or anyone elses qa that has jokes on it,i want all jokes posted on here

Answer 1

(1)
Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' Reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."

(2)
Lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After theyve had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wifes going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where the hell have you been?" "Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"

Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She wont believe you anyway.
At least your conscience is clear.





(Bonus cop joke)

There was this policeman who liked to stake out bars for an easy job by watching the drunks and then arresting them. After a while, a man came out and starting walking to his car. The man could not keep his balance and fell down several times. He finally found his car after wandering the carpark for a few minutes. The man tried to open his door but couldn't insert the key properly. The policeman was thinking to himself that this dude was clearly drunk. The man put the key in the ignition and sat there in his car. He blinked a few times and then did nothing. The policeman goes up to him and pulls him out of his car. The policeman orders the man to breathe into the breathalyser. It reads 0.0. The cop is puzzled and says:"I'm sorry, but I think that this piece of **** is broken." The man replies:"I doubt it, I'm the designated decoy."

Answer 2

Jokes

Here is a joke about the first three years of marriage.
• In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
• In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks and the man listens.
• In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Stay single and nobody cares.
Get a girl and every friend be like "'Ladki mili to bhai ko bhul gaya?"

Law of cigarette smoking:
.
.
.
Smoke always goes in the direction of non-smokers

Wife wanted to go to her maika.
Husband booked her tickets via Malaysian airlines
One time investment

She: Can we talk ?
Me : Can't talk, WhatsApp only.

Single male selfie: 12 Likes
Single female selfie : 300 likes
.
.
.
.
.
His couple post: 300 likes
Her couple post: 12 likes.

Everyday Sunny Leone creates new History....
Then we have to go to settings and clear that History......

Singham 2 is not a action movie like
Singham. It is based on the love
triangle between Ajay Devgn, Kareena &
Mahindra Scorpio.

Answer 3

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
3. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.stars
4. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
5. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
Randy - Defiance, OH
4.2 stars
6. I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
Holloway - Califonia
4.2 stars
7. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
8. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
9. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
10. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

Answer 4

The bartender asks him "What'll you have? ". The guy answers, "A scotch, please ". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars ", to which he replies "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this ". A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration ". The bartender's not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again ". The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the hell are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back! ". The guy says "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life ", to which the bartender replies "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double. "To which the guy replies "Thank you! Make it a scotch. "

Answer 5

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and you shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to you to bring a smile on your face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/Entertainment_and_Arts/Bollywood/

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps you in making you laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 6

Thnx lookin

Answer 7

Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.

You will have to look for my picture to read them.

Answer 8

What do you think about this jokes:
http://www.bancuri-fun.ro/en.html

Answer 9

what do get when you cross a farm animal with a zoo animal?

Answer 10

go browse in Pd's *Q/A...he got ton's of 'em..hopefully you'll find one or two...good luck!
hgday..:)