How do I find peace within myself after losing two children in a motorcycle accident?

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you. I have two sons and I really couldn't imagine the pain you must feel. I lost a fiance in 2000 and then my best friend to cancer in 2003. It was so hard to cope with losing my fiance' I surrounded myself with people who cared for me and would listen when I needed to talk. But it still hurts. There are berievment groups in most cities if you look in your telephone book you may find one there if not, call different churches and mental health places for a group. They really make a difference because everyone in the group has faced a loss they are having a hard time dealing with. Some people (friends) might think you should be over things in a time period that YOU can manage, also it's hard for friends to always try and help you cope with your pain. This might sound corny but I believe there is an aftelife we are energy. Have you ever stared at someone and they all of a sudden feel it for no reason well that's the energy I'm trying to explain. Our thoughts are so strong they can make a stranger look our way so how can that type of energy ever stop, it's not physical, it's emotional. I believe my fiance' and bestfriend are alive in a different way that we can't see. On the anniversary of my fiance's death every year something strange would happen with the electricity in my house would do something strange, once a lamp wouldn't work in my bedroom so I fiddled with it and put it away, well my son needed a lamp so he just grabbed it and it worked, we were all spooked at first but then we all just felt better. Every year he lets me know he is still around, ( he was an electrician) it's something we all look forward to now. That's why I believe we will be together again. But please find a berievment group and talk with your group, they say time heals all wounds, but I don't think that's the case it just doesn't hurt as much but it won't go away. You'll need to find ways to cope with your loss, please try this.

Answer 2

Finding peace... you have to be strong. I can never pretend to understand how you must be feeling - I can tell you that 2 weeks ago I lost the love of my life; my childrens dad (at only 34 yrs of age) and the hardest thing was seeing the kids in pain. Being a parent is loving, giving and putting someone before yourself. Remember that those "babies" believed in you - you were quite possibly their superhero and they would want you to remember and move past... to find some peace. The good memories fill your heart, make you smile and cry at the same time, give you a pain in your chest that feels like your dying - but even though it hurts, it feels incredible at the same time. I still believe he is here - watching and guiding. My heart goes out to you in ways I can not express. I wonder to myself if you have other children - and that in itself is reason for peace. My purpose on earth is to be a mother - and that will last my life long beyond anything that ever happens. You have been a gift - and always will continue to be. I want to know your whole story because I find myself trying to guess what situation you are in. I feel for you - and you know, talking really does help - the more you go over it - even though you may cry every single time, the "easier" (and no it doesn't make it easy - I do know that) but it will make it more tolerable. I just have so many questions! I will be thinking of you - I honestly will - I wish I could say more but please know, you are on someones mind. Take care of you and in time peace will come. Maybe not over night - it is so sureal, I can empathize - but as a parent I know you are strong. And remember, those children will be depending still on you to get thru all of this; I feel that they will be with you to guide you when you feel alone - and will want for you to really smile - with your eyes too - again.

Answer 3

Just reading your question made me cry. I'm so sorry this happened. Twenty-one years ago, my mother in-law's 17 year old and 5 year old daughters were in a car accident. The seventeen year old, Delana, lived 4 days in intensive care before she died. The five year old, Jaime, was paralized from the waist down. My mother in-law spent all of her time at the hospital with Jaime after Delana died. Friends and family were very supportive during this time. That seemed to help some, but she still couldn't find peace. She didn't touch Delana's room for years. I think what made her find the most peace was that she got really involved in her faith, which is Baptist. I think this made her feel closer to Delana.

Today, my mother in-law is a single mom, taking care of Jaime, who is still in a wheel chair. She has adopted 2 foster children. Those kids have nobody in the world except her. She is about to graduate college with a degree in elementary education. She has maintained excellent grades at college while working a full time job. She is still really involved in her faith and reads books on inspiration and self-help. Every once and awhile, she takes anti-depressants. She stays busy, seems happy, and at peace. The only time I see her cry about Delana is Delana's birthday and the anniversary of the wreck. She says that the reason for the wreck was that God wanted to take Delana probably because something worse would've happened to her if she lived.

I hope that my mother in-laws story helps you. She has become a very strong person. You will too. You will be one of the strongest people in the world.

Answer 4

I'm sorry for your loss.

You find it partly through forgiveness for anyone involved in their loss, and that would include yourself. Many people feel guilty because of a thousand reasons why things would have turned out differently "if only".

Professional grief therapy and support groups for people who have lost children are also of great help. Losing children is not something everyone can truly understand unless it happened to them, and it is a lot easier to get through this when you aren't dealing with people whose running thought is "Can you imagine? Thank God it didn't happen to me." No matter how well meaning they are, the fact is that they don't have the slightest clue what you are going through, so it is better to deal with people who actually do.

Answer 5

I am sorry for your pain, but you can't change the past. Grieve as you should, and then find your own way to learn to live with what has happened. Perhaps a grief support group would help you, I know it helped me when I lost two very close family members. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and understanding. Life will go on and you can find a way to go on with it. Don't get stuck in the mud and left behind! Hang in there - time and what you do with that time will be your salvation.

Answer 6

Losing our children is the hardest thing that I believe a parent ever goes through. I have lost a son to suicide that was 10 years ago, and I still miss he every day. What I have held onto is the smile on his face, and the silly things he would do. I have come to believe that he is in a better place then this earth.I also believe that our soul and spirit carry on to the next part of our journey.Just having the faith that there is something that is wonderful and beautiful awaiting us when it is time for our spirit to move on. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 7

I lost a niece in a motorcycle accident. Although she was not my child I still grieve very badly. There are grief counselors and support groups that can help. Also I lost my brother and one suggestion to me was to write him a letter as if he were still alive and tell him how much I love him. I did this and it helped me greatly. I then took the letter and buried it in his gravesite. Try finding a support group. Always helps to talk these things out with others who can relate. Hope you find peace and closure.

Answer 8

I am very sorry about your lost, I can not relate to a lost of a child, yet I have lost many people in my life, I found out for me, is time heals all things and morning the lost of the love one, allowing your self to feel and express your feeling. I also beleive those who died has started a new journey and one day our paths will cross in god kingdom. And continue to remember the cherishable moment I was honored to be apart of in their life.

Life is a gift and we all receive many gifts and all gifts are given to us. and not one gift should ever be taken for granted, I have learned how gifts of life can be taken in a blink of an eye.

I wish you the best, again I am very sorry of your lost, if I can offer any additional emotional support my yahoo id is soulstore if you just need some one to chat with.

Answer 9

Very sorry to pay attention approximately your lose. it rather is going to take time. enable the grieving technique to ensue. Crying is cathartic and might assist you to launch the dissimilar soreness yet a lose like this could take time and you never totally recover from it in step with say different than that the soreness does shrink with time. you would be waiting to circulate on collectively with your life yet carry them in you memory and heart. there is not any set time-physique for grief yet enable your buddies and relatives to love you and be there with you by using the approach. conversing approximately it additionally enables. You earnings peace in coming to words with god or your spirit that they are in a reliable place. you detect peace once you honor their life. God Bless.

Answer 10

hunny, you will never find the peace you need nor want...ever again. but i can tell you that you can learn to cope with the agganizing pain that lies in your heart when you think of your two beautiful children no longer with you in flesh...always think of the positve side of thing hun...like now you wonderful kids are where they belong. they are finally home. in my mind, i can only pray that they have been preparing for that day to come. when jesus called his own children home.
this could be a wake up call to you. maybe God is trying to explain something to you, are you blowing him off? talk to him. talk to him, because he cares. you will never be alone in this battle that you call a life. there is someone far more powerful that can ease your worries than any human can ever do.
if you take time to ask God for forgiveness, i can only imagine what kind of peace you would feel from this hard time you are going through.
i am not trying to preach to you, but only give you a solution to your major problem you have laying on your lap right now.
God doesnt dish out more than we can eat. he knows how much you can handle, and this only goes to show that you are a strong person inside and out. now if you take that strength and turn it into compassion and forgiveness, you will recieve much more blessings from this point on out in your life.
i can only pray that you would take time a read this and takie even more time to consider it...may God be with you.
if you ever want to talk, i have an im and an email...so feel free to share any burdens you carry with me.