Parents I need to find out other peoples opinions of this.?

Question

The other day I had to give my 19 yr.old a choice:Either stop stripping (which I just found out she is doing)and get a real job or move out. She graduated in June and was suppose to start college this fall but it hasnt happened and the deal was and has been as long as she is in school she gets free room and board but if she isnt in school then she has to pay rent. Before I spoke with my daughter I had a long conversation with my aunt about what my daughter was doing and what I was going to do and my aunt agreed with me that I was doing the right thing in teaching my daughter a valuble lesson.Well after I spoke with my daughter she chose to move out which is fine with me .She thinks shes grown enough to go then she is grown enough to take care of herself let her learn the hard way. Well my aunt offered to let her move in with her without saying anything to me. I feel that my aunt back stabbed me and now my daughter isnt learning from this. Am I wrong to feel that way towards my Aunt???

I did not want my daughter on the streets and I did give her a coice I didnt just kick her out. She couls have had a roof over her head with me she just had to get stop the stripping and get a reular job. She chose to leave after my Aunt gave her a place to stay.My deal is if she chose to leave I wanted her to have to take care of her not another family member doing it for her.She will never learn how to care for herself if others do it for her. And I would rather she had to worry about where she is going to go and have reality smack her in the head now then it be 5 or 10 years down the road and she never learned these lessons. Also I wanted her to learn before she makes too many mistakes and makes it too hard for her to get back on track(have a kid,hooked on drugs,etc..)Now she has no kids isnt hooked on drugs so going to school and just taking care of herself is an easier way to learn then if you have to do it with all that extra baggage added on.

Answer 1

No. I would be extremely angry. Your aunt is probably telling your daughter that stripping is okay and she doesn't need to be responsible for herself. What I would do (even though it would be really hard) is just let your daughter keep making mistakes. she thinks she is adult enough to move out and make her own
decisions, then let her. soon your aunt will get fed up, just like you did, and your daughter won't have anyone to help her anymore. then maybe she will see the error of her ways.

Answer 2

Hello??? Yea your Aunt may be backstabbing but is that really the problem? Your daughter is stripping!!! Your daughter is choosing an easy answer and forgoing the very important opportunity to go to college. Making decisions like this is gonna set her on the road to a very difficult life.

I have known a few strippers and they all had very messy lives. They all wanted out as well, so it can't be that great of a job.

I don't care if your daughter is 19 you are still her parent and if you really love her you will try to set her on the right path. We can't just cash in our chips when our children turn 18. I am 39 and still wish I could call my mom for advice etc.

Maybe your mistake was in thinking she would make the right decision if you gave her a chance. Perhaps you should have been more forceful.

She is laying the foundation for the rest of her life and on the wrong path. You need to talk to your aunt and figure out a way to get this kid back in school.

If you want I can tell you all about what kind of life a person will have when their parents don't give them guidance. My mother moved out on me when I was 16 and I have made one mistake after another because I did not have a clue what I was doing and no one to advise me. My life has sucked, help your daughter, she still needs you.

Answer 3

I hear you and can sympthize with you. My 2 oldest children (whom are now married 19 & 22 respectively) had the same deal with me as your daughter had with you. My son chose to stay in school and work several jobs and is now a physics teacher at a H.S. My daughter quit school after the first semester and got married to a guy in the Navy.

I think you did the right thing and made a reasonable deal with your daughter. If she doesn't keep it or accept it is NOT your fault. Making money and working a job as a stripper may be exciting enough for her to distract her from college. Although I have read many women work their way through school in this manner. She is over 18. But will she or does she plan on ever going to school? Or is this her career avocation?

Your Aunt did stab you in the back ( although not as badly as you may think). She should have communicated her plans to you and seeked your permission/blessing. But the upside is this: she is with family, an older female role model, and someone you know and trust is keeping an eye out on her. Stripping can be a very rough and tough world for young women. This is better than her living with strangers from that world. So you know where she is and can be found. Now you should work with your Aunt and try steering her towards classes at school. Even if it is only part time. Perhaps you guys can help her figure out how to bank some of her money and not blow it all.

Put your hurt feelings behind you for the benefit of your daughter and family relations.

Answer 4

I would be way angry with the aunt. However, don't waste your time on it. Obviously you misjudged your aunt and she has probably been jealous or in competition with you and you didn't know it. Anyway, you still did what you said you would do with your daughter. I know you wanted to teach her a lesson in making her own way, but I think the aunt and your daughter will both learn a lesson from this. It won't work out the way they want and you did the right thing as a parent. Be polite to the aunt but I'd never confide in her again or trust her.

Answer 5

That's oxymoronic for me. Yeah, your aunt is a kindav'e back stabbing you. She assured you that what you have decided was right and then she actually "adopted" your daughter. How will she learn the lesson of her decision if she is being cuddled by someone who is close to her? That happened to my sister when she ran away from our house and had a big argument with our mom. She went to our grandmothers house and stayed there for several months.Did not learned a lesson and came back more conceited.
Just dont confront yet with your aunt, she might be talking to your daughter and giving her advices. Maybe she thought that she would rather provide shelter to your daughter and teaching her a lesson than being away somewhere without some one to guide her. Pray about it, it works.

Answer 6

Your aunt sounds like a real treasure. You still did the right thing. Expect it to get worse. Your aunt is probably going to tell her everything you've said about your daughter, but don't fret. Remember, parenting is a job. Try to distance yourself from whats going on and look at it objectively. Making the right decision doesn't mean everything is going to be peachy keen. Sometimes my son obeys right off with the greatest attitude, sometimes he argues with me. When he argues, I tend to want to get emotional, angry, telling him how he should react. But the bottom line is, and I know we both know this, parenting isn't a popularity contest. As your daughter matures, her eyes will open and she'll remember that anything you did for her was always with her best interest at heart. You would rather her move out and be angry with you, knowing that getting an education is more important than winning a popularity contest. Sure your aunt loves your daughter, but how quickly would she throw herself in front of a bus for her?

Answer 7

Your aunt shouldn't have taking her in. You said that it was either go to school and get free room and board or get a job. She is 19yrs old and if stripping is going to pay her room and board then so be it. She is old enough to make her own decisions. You gave her a choice and she took it . As a mother all you can do is pray that she realizes she is making a mistake and when she falls you should be there to pick her back up. good luck

Answer 8

I wouldnt be mad at 'the aunt'. I would not want my daughter to live on the street. Im sure the living arrangements wont work out for long and your daughter will be left with the same delima she started out with. So its all a part of learning that parents are always right. Your daughter will see.

Answer 9

i would probably feel the same but on the other hand you know where she is and that she is safe. not only that but if she had moved in with someone u dont know u would worry all the time, she might not even tell u where she was staying. your aunt should have stuck by u thought especially as she agreed with u. now your daughter probably wont learn from this

Answer 10

No, but one thing to consider if your aunt has been in some secret competition with you over your daughter, there should have been other signs all along. Maybe you should talk to your aunt and see why she did this. The important thing is that you stuck to what you said you would do.