My cousin and I, who are close good friends and keep in touch often, came to my wedding (originally she was going to be one of my bridesmaids too, that's how close we are) but when we opened gifts I was very surprised not to have opened a gift from her. I guess she just didn't get us anything. I would think at the very least if she couldn't afford much she would have just gotten a little inexpensive gift of some sort just to show the thought. This was a while ago and it has hurt my feelings. We are still close good friends and keep in touch. Should I say something to her about this? Or perhaps ask her if she had gotten me something and it had gotten lost in the gift shuffling? Or should I just let it go and try not to feel hurt?
2006-09-17 03:17:32 · 14 answers · asked by Angelwings 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Whoa!! Reread my question and I guess I didn't make it too clear that I'm not even concerned about the gift itself, just the fact that she didn't get me one. (In other words, because we're so close, the fact that she didn't think of me on our wedding day (not even a card) sort of undermines, or devalues, our relationship, and it's that that I'm talking about). As far as the bridesmaid point, it was because she had too many things going on and we had already worked that out early on. :) Just to clarify. :)
2006-09-17 07:37:41 · update #1
no way it would be totally insensitive to say anything maybe she thought it would be more insulting to get you something cheap and tacky than to get you nothing at all
2006-09-17 03:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by sleepwalker69 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why didn't you let her be a bridesmaid-maybe she is a little hurt about that? huh? I would not waist my time fussing over a gift friendship is more important than material things...you should be thankful that she was there was there for you. Maybe there is some reason. I know I was tight on money during one of my good friends wedding showers and baby shower and had to get a less expensive gift and wasn't able to even get a gift for the baby...i felt really bad. But they didn't know my circumbstance and I was too embarrassed to tell them. Other friend told me to come to her baby shower she knew my circumbstance and not to buy her anything she said that my presence there was all she wanted. That is the way a true friend should be. I would say drop it it is not worth losing a friend over...maybe she didn't have the money at the time and is going to get you something later.
2006-09-17 10:34:57 · answer #2 · answered by ♫piano_player♫ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a very good possibility that she did give a gift, and it was misplaced or, even worse, stolen? The last thing you want to do is to offend her by not thanking her if she did in fact send a gift. You won't know until you ask.
The best way to bring this up would be to casually mention to her that not all gifts were accounted for after the wedding. Tell her that her gift is one of the ones affected, and you felt it important to notify her right away.
This way, her reaction will tell you whether she actually gave a gift or not.
2006-09-17 10:31:16 · answer #3 · answered by oscarschic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to try to give a different perspective on this whole gift dilemma - Perhaps she gave you a gift, and you just didn't realize it. When I was getting married - I had showers and some of the cards got thrown away accidentally - it was a nightmare trying to figure out who gave me what. Anyway - perhaps that is what happened.
I can't think of a polite way to bring this up to her. You could say something like - "Whew, getting all those thank-you cards out was such an ordeal - did you receive yours yet?" Then watch to see how she answers, if she hesitates - you will know.
Or - when she gets married, you could ask her if she wants the same thing that you got from her?
2006-09-17 18:18:13 · answer #4 · answered by Karla R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I offer a different perspective to you. From your description of your relationship with your cousin, it would appear highly unlikely that she didn't give a wedding gift to you and your husband.
I believe it is more likely that it went astray in some way. Either the card became separated from the gift, or it was misplaced, or perhaps she had the store send it to you, and it was their mix-up!
If any of these are possible, your cousin is no doubt wondering where your thank you note is! She will think you are a slacker!
Surely you can introduce the topic in a beat-around-the bush way with her?
Best Wishes
2006-09-18 14:33:55 · answer #5 · answered by catherine02116 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let it go. She may be to embarrassed to tell you the reason why. Give her a break, I'm sure she has done plenty for you in the past. It could be that she is hurt more by not being able to give you a gift, than you are by not receiving one.
2006-09-17 11:41:54 · answer #6 · answered by noname 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Surely the gift is not important - and her helping u out during ur wedding is more impt. Pls look beyond materialism
2006-09-17 10:41:42 · answer #7 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And exactly why did you get married? For the gifts? That is very shallow and petty of you, let it go....especially if you two are as close as you say
2006-09-17 10:25:08 · answer #8 · answered by ndmagicman 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe her parents have taken care of the gift, so she feels she doesn't need to give anymore.
2006-09-18 05:51:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What more important... an inexpensive gift or the friendship? Get over it and buy something for yourself that you want.
2006-09-17 10:22:10 · answer #10 · answered by Helen 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋