I have been dating this guy for six months. We met last year and he seemed nice he just had a crazy girlfriend. They broke up and we started dating shortly after. The frist couple of months were great we were never fighting, happy, etc. Then when I started school which by the way I am only 21, he started to freak and asked me constantly did you flirt with any guys, did anyone ask you out, do you love me still?, Do you miss me today? I just cant take it cause I am not a clingy person, he is always in my face. If I turn my head he goes into my phone, etc. He is a great guy very sweet and I am mainly concerned with leaving him and regreting it because he is fun and awesome. He is a year younger than me and he is very serious about us and I want to hae a relationship I just don't know how to tell if he is for me or not. I want serious but not like how he is extremely clingy and obsessive. Help???
2006-09-17 01:46:30 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I also wanted to add that yes he is a cancer! And I started out a little paranoid and jealous too because of my last relationship but not like him! And I have talked to him numerous times and it does not help. Then he just apologizes for everything and that is all he always does. Apologize. He also never wants me to go any where with my friends but then he will. And if I do anyway he calls me 500 times and is like why did you not tell me you were doing that... He will cry too if I get really mad and tell him it might not work.
2006-09-17 02:06:12 · update #1
I dated a guy just like that..know what happened? we broke up. If he loves you then he trusts you. Have you ever done anything to lose his trust? If not then lose him..he''ll never change that aspect and it will only get worse. The guy I dated I remained friends with so we have know eachother for 13 yrs now and he wanted to get back together and i toyed with the idea because he has so many other good qualities, but then he called one night and i was out with a good friend of mine playingpool. he freaked out and started with the questions. We werent even dating I never said I would, just had thought about it. This is 13 yrs later..they will not change like i said it will only get worse. Wait til you are assigned a male partner for a school project and actualy have to meet outside school to complete the work..he'll want to go with you or he'll be calling all evening. as far as him going thru your phone thats is invasion of your privacy i'd be more than pissed at that one and i'd lock my phone. nothing to hide but thats not his business. Again if he loves you and i mean truely loves you he would completely trust you and your judgements.
2006-09-17 01:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide if he's right for you, but just consider this:
You said his previous girlfriend was crazy. Well, hearing what you've said about this guy, it's understandable that he probably made her that way (and he'll most likely do the same to you). With him out of her life, no doubt she's regaining her sanity.
This guy appears to be a control freak. Do you really want a relationship with someone who treats you more like a possession than a partner? And if it's this intense this early in your "relationship," imagine how much worse it can become.
Sure, he's probably "sweet" and "nice," etc. But look carefully at when and how he shows these traits. Is it only when he is trying to manipulate you and your feelings? It certainly looks that way from here.
My advice: get away and get away quickly. Move on, while the relationship is still early. If you don't, you stand a VERY good chance of being physically and verbally abused and emotionally scarred. He is capable of seriously harming you. Just be careful that he doesn't threaten you, when you tell him it's over.
Oh, and don't be taken in by his charm, if he promises to "fly right." That would only be another act of manipulation.
Good luck and be safe!
2006-09-17 02:03:00 · answer #2 · answered by alchemist0750 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be mean, but girl, run. I know firsthand. I got with my man five years ago and he was the same way. Only I thought it was just a phase and that he would soon get over it and we would be ok. Didn't happen. It only gets worse. I have been isolated from everyone but my family, and there are still issues with that. I have no friends, no social life, no job, and it sucks. Don't ask me why I am still in the relationship, because I really don't know. I am still hoping I can change him. If there is any chance that my life may help someone else's, I have to take it. Men like that are emotionally unstable and have alot of issues with themselves that they take out on others. It may lead to abuse or worse. Be as nice and supporting as you can when you break it off. Suggest he get some help and offer to be there, especially if you really care for him. Just be careful. Good Luck.
2006-09-17 01:56:14 · answer #3 · answered by lilqtpie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The main thing about these obsessive types is that they need lots and lots and lots of reassurance. That can be draining to any relationship so what you can do is to talk to him about it. Tell him that you love him and you really want to work at this relationship but this clinginess of his is killing you...don't stress on the fact that he's in your face, just tell him that you feel he doesn't trust you and that hurts when he does that. If you really want this relationship, you'll have to work hard at this and if he gets into the jealous/violent cycle...just walk away. His being a year younger than you also means that he's probably a lot less mature (boys usually are less mature than girls) so be sure he's not being only juvenile.
2006-09-17 01:52:07 · answer #4 · answered by DrSH 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being that insecure can ruin a relationship. When he's so busy wondering what you are doing when you're away that you both can't enjoy eachother because of all the questions you get bombarded with when you're together. Talk it out. See what makes him so insecure with you. If it's just because he's insecure then tell him to work on that or leave. Then again maybe his past girlfriend really drove him crazy from being crazy. So if he doesn't deal with it maybe he needs to be alone so he can get over that truly, because you did say it wasn't long before he broke up with his last girlfriend before he got with you.
2006-09-17 01:53:26 · answer #5 · answered by twinkle toes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to first of all be clear about what you want from this relationship...After being clear on where you think you want this relationship to go, you should be honest and tell him what you want....and if it is just to lighten up then let him know that. But be really specific...each thing that he has said or the things that he has done.
Let him also know all of the things that you appreciate about him...tell him that you want to work this out, because it seems that you do want it to, without his jealousy...ask him things that you can do to make him feel more secure about the two of you.
Make sure you tell him that trust is everything in a relationship.
2006-09-17 02:17:33 · answer #6 · answered by Patience 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has trust and self esteem issues. You need to sit down with the guy and explain to him that you love him, and that you want this relationship to work. But that a relationship not based on trust will never work. Tell him you trust him, and how much it is hurting you that he doesn't trust you. It could also be a self-esteem issue. He feels that he isn't good enough to keep you, so he worries every day that you'll find someone better. Tell him that he doesn't need to worry, that he is all you need. Tell him he is good enough, and that you chose him, not any of the men you see in school. Him.
2006-09-17 01:52:58 · answer #7 · answered by missesmoo236 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find yourself a different kind of guy, you have yourself one of the insecure, needy types. He may not be the truly obsessive type but if there's nothing that says that he might not be that as well. In any case, move on and find you a new man.
The sad fact is he can't change anymore than you can, you both just need to find others that are more compatible with you.
2006-09-17 01:52:04 · answer #8 · answered by live2ride 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As the relationship goes on this should start to change. 6 months isn't a really long time and your situation has changed with the addition of school. He's only afraid you'll meet someone else in your new circumstances.
Is he a Cancer by any chance?
2006-09-17 01:53:13 · answer #9 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't trust you and therefore the relationship cannot survive unless he can change and, unfortunately, he is the one who is going to have to change.
You need to tell him that you can't take all the questions and him being so clingy. Tell him he needs to back off and trust you or it isn't going to work.
Even if he is fun and awesome, this will slowly wear you down and the relationship will fall apart.
2006-09-17 01:50:53 · answer #10 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋