I am in a bad mood ....make me laugh ....the more stupid the joke ..the more I will laugh
2006-09-17 00:23:15 · 11 answers · asked by pineforestkim 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Here's a couple that i love... hope it'll help you make your day ^^
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his
courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively.
"Um, Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,
"No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the
guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks
back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks
over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says,
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate
student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond
to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do
you mean $200?"
-------------------------------------------------------
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm...
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....
2006-09-17 02:42:13 · answer #1 · answered by miracleMB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-
No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.
if u want more then mail me i will send u :) np:) have fun
2006-09-17 07:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a good mood but totally exhausted after a hectic weekend so I'll give you an aging joke that I made up.
How do you know when you're gettin' old?
When you'd rather read about sex than do it!
Cheers!
2006-09-17 07:37:44 · answer #3 · answered by girl from oz 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for a while.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that for?'
Tarzan replied, 'Always check for squirrels.'
2006-09-17 07:42:53 · answer #4 · answered by Pd 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Blonde to redhead : " I finally tried this new LIP GLOSS that is suppose to help keep your lips puckered for longer and better kisses. I think it worked to well because my lips were still puckered up 2 days later. "
Redhead to blonde : " Really, do you happen to remember what it is called? "
Blonde to redhead : " I most certainly do. " PREPARATION H " If I'm correct it comes in a bright yellow and brown tube. "
2006-09-17 07:43:51 · answer #5 · answered by bopper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How Moses got the 10 Commandments....
God went to the Arabs and said, "I have
Commandments for you that will make your lives better.
The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shall not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
God went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor
thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not
interested."
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have
Commandments."
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said
"Thou shall not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
Then He went to the French and said, "I have
Commandments."
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said,
"Thou shall not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."
There, that ought to offend just about everybody.
2006-09-17 07:46:44 · answer #6 · answered by meandragon 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
i have the funniest joke on earth. here goes.
two muffins are in an oven. one muffin says to the other "is it hot in here or is it just me?" the other muffin then yells "AAHHHH A TLAKING MUFFIN!!!!!!!!"
hope that cheers you up :]
2006-09-17 15:38:43 · answer #7 · answered by milkshake74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read any of my jokes yet? Cheer up & have a nice day!!!:)
2006-09-17 07:35:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
i just read this:
A good lawyer knows the law
A great lawyer knows the judge
2006-09-17 09:37:27 · answer #9 · answered by (^_^) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he he he ha ha ha
What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!
2006-09-17 07:35:07 · answer #10 · answered by salima_guriya 1 · 3⤊ 2⤋