I'm 19 and have been with my bf james for 4 years. Recently it has been pretty hard - we go to different unis bout 3 1/2 hours apart and our timetables mean we rarely get to see each other. The problem is that i've started to get feelings for my best friend at uni (chris) and have acted on them (we live together and spend most of our time together). We've never had sex but have done pretty much everything else and it's always when we are drunk (an excuse for my conscious i suppose!). I want to stop this (james is a great guy and he deserves a lot better) but I don't know how because I don't want to loose chris as a friend (but I also know if I carry on i'll probably loose him anyway as he'll realise what a slag i've been). Just not sure what to say to him..??!! I'm not being the kind of person I want to be right now and this is going to be the first step to sorting my mess out.
2006-09-16 22:23:27 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can't take the help of common friends (as in our friends at uni) as none of them know!!
2006-09-16 22:31:26 · update #1
Well I'm sorry but there's no way you can even begin to sort it out without dealing with one major issue at hand. Why'd you do it anyway. Being drunk does not allow you to take leave of you mind totally, it just helps you defy your inhibition.
But other than thinking that Jame's is a great guy who you've been out with for four years and deserve better, is it possible that you are just not cut out for a long distance relationship or if you should be ending it with Chris or James.
After you decide, then you need to tell the both. Please don't tell James, it happened because you were drunk. The best way to go about that is to explain to him what happened, tell him you were wrong and you feel really bad about it and you want to work it out then give him time...don't try to offer an excuse for your actions, it usually just pisses the person off more (trust me I know).
Then you need to explain to Chris... tell him that you are having a hard time with your feelings for him and you would prefer if he'd play a role in ensuring that nothing happens between you. I think he is who you should offer an excuse to. Tell him you were really confused and you'd hate to lose him as a friend.... etc, etc, etc the give him some time.
Then spend some time with yourself, and outline ways in which you can get to being the person you want to be and how some current actions are keeping you back.
I hope I was at least some help.
Gd Luck.
2006-09-16 22:48:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you are not ready yet for any serious committed relationship at this moment, dear. Because you are ready to start another one while "attached", it would be fair to explain to your b/f that you should hold on and not be committed yet, till both your studies are over.
This way you could still stay as friends and not feel guilty with your current arrangements.
2006-09-16 22:50:20 · answer #2 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be honest,, and tell the truth, to your boyfriend that you have been with for 3 and halfs years,and see what happens
2006-09-16 22:32:16 · answer #3 · answered by dmncprkr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should talk to yourself first about who you care about first and then decide who and how to break it to them, and maybe some details should be left out, but start with who means more
2006-09-16 22:27:54 · answer #4 · answered by tayler_07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take help of common friends.
2006-09-16 22:26:34 · answer #5 · answered by hsarora47 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't
2006-09-16 22:32:44 · answer #6 · answered by bobby h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋