My dad committed suicide a little less then two yrs ago, and I'm still coping. I was 14 then and now basecally 2yrs later here, i am blaming myself, I don't pity or nonsense I truthful answers from people who have gone throught the losing a loved one to suicide.
2006-09-16 22:19:20 · 13 answers · asked by sllikylloh 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Last year, My Dad died of complications from Lung Cancer. He was so dehydrated, that he was puking blood. He went from 240# to 129# in 8 months. His doctor told him to quit smoking, but never told him to quit drinking. He followed instructions, and I was his bartender. Every night, I'd mix him several Manhattans or Martinis. I allowed my father (helped) to commit suicide, with the use of alcohol. I was there, every day. I should have noticed that it had been three days since Dad got up to go eat something. I should have noticed that it had been two days since he got out of his chair to use the bathroom. Instead, I noticed that when we finally got him out of his chair, I could've carried him all by myself, and I should've noticed how skinny he'd become. He went straight to the hospital, and never returned. I've forgiven myself, for my part in helping him commit suicide. I was trying to ease his pain, and didn't know enough to differentiate between helping him feel better, and helping him commit suicide. Lung Cancer was the least of his worries, actually.... He died of that, and it took him less than a year to make it happen. If he'd died of bone cancer, (his first prognosis, but it had spread from the lungs...) It would've taken upwards of 8 years to make that happen. I consider my Dad lucky, for that little bit of news... Our neighbor had to endure a nine-year death from Bone Cancer, and it wasn't pretty at all. His wife went through HELL.
There's only one person left alive, that can forgive YOU for your Dad's death (whatever the circumstances). Why not let them do it, and live a peaceful life, from now on?
2006-09-16 22:50:41 · answer #1 · answered by 42ITUS™ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I won't go into details here because it's too hard for me to discuss, but my situation is very similar to yours. My best friend commited suicide when I was 21, the day after we got into an argument. I blamed myself for many years. Then 3 years ago a close family member commited suicide.
Blame, anger, never being able to understand why are all parts of the grieving process. What you're going through is normal. I've been fortunate enough to work in a hospital and had counselor friends who helped me to understand, (with the family member), that suicide is a selfish act that you really can't stop. The person truly isn't thinking of you or your feelings at the time, only that they can't see a way out, or any bright future.
I sincerely wish you the best.
2006-09-17 05:30:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is natural to still be coping with the loss of your Father after the last 2 year's. But you must understand, unless you have actual proof that he committed suicide because of you, you are basically just torturing yourself. Suicide is a personal choice, and usually is not a choice made thinking about the consequences of ones actions, that they may cause. I swear I am not trying hurt your feelings but , suicide is a very selfish act, some people who commit suicide are looking for ways to inflict as much pain on the people who love them, to match the pain they are in. But it isn't always the case. Your Father might have had other motive's, but you can not spend the rest of your life, blaming yourself, for his choice to commit suicide, and bring his family this much pain.. Suicide prevention 800 number's may be able to help you deal with this concern better then Yahoo answers, look in your phone book. I wish you peace, and joy...
2006-09-17 05:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by kellywatchthestars1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, the person who answered first to this lady's question - get a life... what kind of person answers in that way. You are a very very very disturbing man/woman and I pity you for who you are.
Second of all, to the girl who's father committed suicide - I am really sorry for your loss. You are so NOT to blame, your Dad was in a world of his own and I believe he just could not carry on with life anymore. Even though I do not agree with Committing Suicide I believe that he is happier now where he is. Please stop blaming yourself - you are 16 years old with your whole life ahead of yourself and the last thing you need is to feel guilty about your Dad's actions. I hope you ignore Answerer 1's comment and seriously start realising that nothing anyone else does in their lives are your responsibility. Just so you know, my uncle committed suicide 6 weeks ago and left 3 kids, 4 grandchildren. They are all taking it very hard but know that he was not happy with his life - he had suffered depression all his life and both his brother and sister committed suicide too... it was in his family. My cousins are still trying to deal with it but they know that they had nothing to do with it.
Im really sorry for your loss.
2006-09-17 05:38:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mum committed suicide 2 years ago too! Im nearly 30 and still want my mum everyday. I know many friends who also have lost a parent from suicide and it is the worst way to loose a parent. I think if it were a car accident then at least you could say it was ment to be, but the whole suicide thing does haunt us I know. I too blame myself, more for not seeing signs or doing something. I can understand what your going through. I see a councillor and suggest you do it to. I know what is it like, to have the dreams of stopping them, reliving each conversation and blaming yourself for not doing something! I also hate people asking "what did your mum die from", I feel there is so much stigma around suicide! Dont listen to the other barstard who posted that other stupid immature response.
Please seek some help mate. It's not your fault, mental illness is something so many people suffer from. Please please know that it is NOT your fault. There are some awesome suicide websites too. xx
2006-09-17 05:36:23 · answer #5 · answered by janie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to seek therapy to deal with your loss. I've never had someone close to me to commit suicide, but I've been on the other end of it. I was the one who tried and came very close to commiting suicide a year and a half ago. I can tell you that you are NOT to blame, okay? Your father probably had very severe depression and there was nothing that you could've done to stop it. In my case, I was severely depressed with all kinds of problems and it wasn't anyone's fault. Please get some help, though to help you deal with the loss.
2006-09-17 05:30:49 · answer #6 · answered by First Lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is common for loved ones to wonder what they could have done better to prevent the suicide...and darling,...you didn't have anything to do with it...He left you high and dry...and couldn't cope with life...he probably actually thought in his poor mind that he was doing you and mom a favor...when people get depressed like that,..it is hard to reason and they are very vulnerable...But you must recognize...that first, if he had it to do over, he probably wouldn't have ..and second..he probably asked you to forgive him before he did it..and third...you did not have anything to do with his final decision...he was just overwhelmed, and could not cope any more, and in a moment of weakness...did the unthinkable...I am terribly sorry for your loss...Please, Pray to God and To Jesus,..to help you forgive him..and to bring you the peace you need...My dad was murdered..and it took me years to recover from it...so,.. give it to the Lord, it is the only thing that really got me through...and I hope the person who answered you on top ....isn't you...
2006-09-17 08:13:57 · answer #7 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No person is responsible for someone else committing suicide. Get some counseling. Talk with your mom or your school counselor.
2006-09-17 05:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by IAINTELLEN 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Respectfully...
Guilt does not change the past. Worry does not change the future. They are both wasted emotions.
Would your father want you to feel blame?
Or would he wish for you to live each day of your life more fully?
Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. He is inside you and will hear.
http://TaoBarbie.com
Peace
.
2006-09-17 05:31:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop blaming yourself. He had lots of problems that he just couldn't deal with anymore that are not your fault. It's sad that he died but constantly guilttripping yourself is not going to bring him back. If he really loved and cared about you he would not want you beating yourself over his death but remembering and enjoying his life.
2006-09-17 05:30:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋