Need A Good Laugh !!!!!?

Question

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the
words
Back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are
the testimonials of
a
Few people who did....

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo
and a ********?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went
back. My husband didn't
say a word... He knew better.

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of
golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help
me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the
display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to
laugh hysterically, the
boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my
Sister has never let me forget.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able
to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
other patrons. I
Told her that if she did not start behaving "right
now" she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and

said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't
let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's
pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up
the last of my
dignity
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I
heard when the door closed behind me were screams of
laughter.

Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
training and I was
on him
constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a
quick lunch in between
errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my
taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I
realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him
if he needed to go.
He said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child
has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny,
are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW
that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have
an accident?" This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over
and spread his
cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly
choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly
pulled up his pants
and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the
best laugh they'd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the
future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict
snow but don't get
any....a true story... We had a female news anchor
who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to
the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised
me last night?" Not
Only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew
did too they were
laughing so hard!

Answer 1

That's a good one!

Thanks,

Beverly Smith

Answer 2

ha ha ha!... those were indeed so funny!!!

here's a joke 4 u to make u feel better::


24 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator... 
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, damn motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.

People Really Said These Things In Court

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Answer 3

ha

Answer 4

ha ha

Answer 5

haha i've heard them all before but they're still funny to read ♥

Answer 6

LOL. Mortifying!! LOL. Good ones.

Answer 7

roflmao...ireally need jokes right now!thanks!!!

Answer 8

FUNNY!!!

Answer 9

Those were great! Thanks ^_^