my son is 16 and in trouble with the law!! he is at the moment in a detention centre, he goes to court tomorrow he is addicted to drugs and alcohol and has bad friends!! i have tried everything to help him but he blames me for his problems !! he is from a loving family but were at our wits ends!!he has a 9y.o sisiter who just adores him, i know he has does the crime u do the time but how do i stay strong for all of us!! i,ve had 4yrs of ploice drugs him thieving i don,t know how to help anymore or do i just walk away and leave my heart some good needed pls
2006-09-16 20:34:32 · 18 answers · asked by jookie70 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dont lose hope. I think I know the reason why your son does that. He was influenced by his bad friends. people nowadays are like that, they easily get influenced. do everything to help your son. right now his mind is all messed up, he doesnt know what to do, so he does those bad things instead. dont lose hope and keep helping him.
Remember: follow your heart.
I hope this helped! peace and all good to your family!
2006-09-16 20:39:21 · answer #1 · answered by Lonez 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My suggtion to you is get as many people to help you. Counslers and other parents or family members. Doing it all by yourself is hard and sometimes does not work.
Remember to a 16 year we the parents are the enemy. That will change in time and as he grows older.
Detention or a drug rehab place will be the best thing for him. It will help him get off drugs and start seeing things in a different way.
when he gets out get him away from his friends that are bad for him. ANY WAY YOU CAN. If it comes down to moving away do that. If you cant maybe a relive in another state can take him in. Make sure he knows it is not cause you hate him it is because you afraid for him.
Good luck.
2006-09-17 04:01:30 · answer #2 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to your situation for I went through the same experience. My son did go to juvy hall when he was 16 for stealing a weapon. I was'nt told about it till a week later because the incident happened while my son was visiting ex. I got blamed for being a bad mother which I'am not - people always look at somebody to blame because they cant accept the responsibility. To make a long story short, my son served his time with family support, but he had to realize that he was the one who did the crime and had no one to blame but himself. I'am proud to say he's 24 years old, in the army airborne division and is getting married this December. Never give up! Always be there no matter what and most of all have faith in the power above. Good Luck.
2006-09-17 03:55:08 · answer #3 · answered by happy to be me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully the time your son spends in the detention center will clean him up. I have no idea what your financial situation is, but I would suggest that the time you have while he is in the detention center is used to move yourself, your son and your daughter as far away from his "friends" as you can get! Don't think twice, don't even look back Realize the only objective you will have is to save your son! Once the move is made you will have given him "clean" surroundings, and a new beginning. Get him into a drug rehabilitation program. He needs hardcore counseling...he is on the verge of becoming a man. He needs to understand that he has a responsibility to himself and to his family to stay clean, sober and upstanding! He needs to realize that his life is a precious gift and that it will be wasted and worth...zero...nothing...if he continues on the path of self destruction. But worse than that, he will also be responsible for destroying the lives of the very people who love him the most! May God Bless You and Your Family...Best to you!
2006-09-17 03:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by Linda S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two factors come to mind. If the fact your asking this on Yahoo! questions, and not a lawyer or shrink, and your grammar- as a representation of your intellect and thinking skills- are sign of your personal abilities, then I'd question what you think to be true.
Why does he blame you? There must be a reason which you are not willing to admit to yourself. The fact that you say he is in a loving family is your perception, often clouded with your good intentions.
Given that I don't have an answer to those things, your immediate answer would be to move him to a place that doesn't give him readily available access to drugs (friends, etc.). Some place not with friends, family, and all that. An unfamiliar place.
Good luck.
2006-09-17 03:42:51 · answer #5 · answered by neofascistpriest 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, know that bad things happen to good people. Also, know that he has made some poor choices due to his friends. He is more of a follower than a leader, and he blames everyone but himself, which is common among the immature. He needs to enter a rehabilitation program, and he needs psychological help in the form of therapy. He will resist, and he'll say, "I ain't crazy" and a host of other things. Psychological counseling may help him realize his role in the choices he's made, and may also help guide him away from those choices and those that would encourage that kind of behavior. He needs to be separated from his so-called friends now while he is still a minor and before he commits any SERIOUS crimes.
Etention centers are scarey, and kids go in there trying to prove they are not "punks." They demonstrate bravado and soon find themselves learning things from ohter, more hardened criminals. The time spent in there may "dry" him out but what can happen is no joke. It is a breeding ground for criminal and deviant behavior.
Psychological therapy and rehabilitation is useless if he can continue to hang out with his friends who will re-introduce him to drugs and alcohol and counter whatever psychological advances he may make.
First understand the mind of someone on drugs. There is something that compels the person to WANT to be out of normal state; sometimes it's a genetic pre-disposition and other times it's a psychological issue. Love and understand are lost without psychological therapy and the rehabilitation he desperately needs. Don't blame yourself; you did not give him the drugs or encourage him to use them. His so-called friends did.
Have you considered the Job Corps as a viable alternative for him to get away from his friends and the lure of drugs and alcohol? He needs to learn a trade now so that he can fend for himself when he turns 18, and to give him a sense of accomplishment and pride. Speak with his attorney and propose this option; in most cases, the courts will agree in an effort not to ruin his records and to keep him from a more formal "drug education" with other more hardened juvenile criminals.
YOU need to seek counseling, too. You must learn how to cope with his problems and you must also learn how to defend yourself when he accuses you of HIS faults and HIS problems. You must learn how to deal with him effectively! You need this for YOUR own well-being. You have another child, do it for her, too.
Check the folowing sites and read, make calls and ask questions. Educate yourself so that you can make informed decisions.
- http://www.drugstrategies.org/teens/programs.html
- http://www.soberrecovery.com/links/adolescenttreatment.html
- http://www.drugrehabtreatment.com/
Act now while you still have legal rights over him and can compel him to attend therapy and rehabilitation. You won't be able to do much once he turns 18. This may be your last chance to help him. You can't give up, as a parent, but you can still make a difference. Good luck and best wishes.
2006-09-17 04:24:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Between 8/10 children know right from wrong! The rest of their time
at home is like a finishing school in a sense!
They have their own grey matter (brain). They will pretty much do what they wish and for the most part as far as they are concern, YOUR WRONG!
Some children are bad from birth and some turn bad! Unfortunately there is little you can do about it!
Yes, it hurts, super, super bad! He has to blaim some one and your it and your spouse! He can't blaim himself as he might have to change!
Put you on a guilt trip and then he can get what ever he wants from you.
I'm truly sorry about your pain, but there is little you can do.
2006-09-17 04:18:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of people may not agree when I say this, but I do believe things happen for a reason. There was a time when I was on the street, homeless, and hungry. I even spent my 19th birthday in my car, but in the end years later. It taught me a lesson about life and made me stronger. It's your place to love your son with no question, but it was his decision to do what he has done and he will either learn from it one day...or not. Good luck dearie.
2006-09-17 03:40:18 · answer #8 · answered by Captain Codpiece 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a former alcoholic and adict and councelor myself. But bailing him out you are not helping him and it really is your fault, by letting him put you in that position. Take back your authority. Tell the judge he needs long term treatment. If he gets clean, and he has to want to, he will be a different person than the one you see now. If you love him make him get help or stay in jail. good luck.
2006-09-17 03:40:02 · answer #9 · answered by marilee w 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a wealth of knowledge in all the above answers, they all seem valid, informed, well thought out and extremely helpful.
By the way, you say he has bad friends, I have a feeling that their parents say that about your son.
Just be there in support as he goes through the process...
2006-09-17 04:04:11 · answer #10 · answered by mark2zephyr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋