When I was 17 my step dad did something very bad to me and I lost my family because I told a friend what happened and she told the school counselor. Then a domino effect of events happened. My mom didn't want to believe me so she told me she didn't ever want to see me again. I had a whole family. I had sisters, a brother and foster siblings that I loved so much. I got put into foster care and I pretty much haven't seen them since. I briefly saw them once but they were turned against me by my step dad so they never gave me a chance. However, I know deep down my mom knows that what I said was the truth. I could see it in her eyes. Years ago I used to call her to tell her that I loved her but she never said it back and she always held back from conversation. It hurt too much so I gave up. Luckily, I recently started to build some kind of relationship with my brother. It hurts to know that my mother is still with him after what he did to me. What can I do to have my family back? I
2006-09-16 17:02:41 · 9 answers · asked by I am a Muppet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I guess ‘murdering your step-dad’ is out of the question…
It is a shame sometimes that ‘murder’ is against the law.
But then again, what your step-dad did to you, was against the law as well…
(I am assuming that you are talking about ‘sexual assault’… Please correct me if I am wrong)
Two wrongs don’t make a right, so don’t go murdering your step-dad, OK !!!
I am going to continue to work on the assumption that your step-dad sexually assaulted you, and I will focus my response on that assumption.
You mentioned that your friend told the school counsellor what had happened to you.
What was the outcome of that?… Did the counsellor talk to you, and give you advice on what you should do, or where you could get help?
I’m just wondering if you have been to a crisis centre, or spoken to other counsellors, in order to help you deal with what happened to you.
It is really sad what has happened in your life !!!
Look, all I can really suggest is that you write a letter to your mum, similar to what I have written below. Leave out what isn’t appropriate.
I sincerely hope things start to work out for you !!!!
Hi, mum…
I’m sorry to have to be writing this letter to you, but I believe we really need to talk, and as you told me that you never wanted to see me again, writing this letter is the only option I have left.
I love you mum !!!
I always have… and I always will.
It just tears my heart apart that we have grown so far apart.
Mum, you know I would never do anything to deliberately hurt our family.
I love you and miss you all !!!
I can’t undo the past, mum.
I really wish I could.
I wish I could undo what my step-dad did to me…
Make it so it never happened.
But the fact is mum, that it did happen, and I have had to live with that for the past six years.
What is really sad though, is that you didn’t believe me…
That hurts more than anything else !!!
Mum, I am worried about my sisters.
I don’t want them to be hurt the way I was.
I’m worried that my step-dad may do to them what he did to me…
Perhaps he already has !
Please talk to them. Ask them if he has ever done anything to them?
They know what happened with me, so they might be too afraid to say anything to you about what is happening to them.
Please mum, believe me.
Believe how much I love you, and how much I love the rest of the family, with the exception of my step-dad.
I know he is your husband, but he had no right to do to me what he did.
I can never forgive him for what he did to me.
Mum, I was only seventeen years of age. How dare he do that to me.
He was supposed to be in love with you.
You trusted him to never do anything bad to us kids…
Yet you believed him instead of me.
Mum… I forgave you for not believing me. I did that a long time ago.
I have never wanted to hurt you, and I never want to see you get hurt either.
All I need you to do, is to love me.
Please love me, mum.
What my step-dad did to me was not my fault. I did not encourage him to do it.
So please do not blame me for what he did.
I love you and miss you, mum !!!
2006-09-16 17:04:43 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so sad. This happens so much. When you tell. That is why sometimes people don't tell and then they just can never have a positive life because they are holding in so much inner torment. I don't know what to say or how to help and I wouldn't want to because sometimes what seems like an easy answer isn't really. Just be patient and pray alot ask Jesus to give you the right answer and God will answer your prayer. Find a good church and become a member. They will become your family and love you and help you with your issue. They can be so caring that it will make you feel so loved. And once you are filled with all that love your family will see and feel it and they will then begin to feel love towards you because you will have an inner peace they will want to know. They will want to reach out to you and know you and understand that inner peace and joy and that will be the prayer being answered from God. They will know that all is forgiven and you are on a different plane and you will not accuse or remind because you have the love of God in your soul and they won't be judged. They will come. God's blessings to you.
2006-09-16 17:26:07 · answer #2 · answered by bonitabertrell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having your brother back into your life is a good first step. I wonder if your Step Dad bothered any of the rest of the kids? I wouldn't be too pushy with your brother, right now. Just enjoy having him back into your life. I guess your Mom is afraid to pursue the facts about her husband. Just take it a step at a time and I would bet that you will eventually get your family back. After all, you aren't a kid anymore, and you certainly weren't the bad guy.
2006-09-16 17:28:59 · answer #3 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not plan a family dinner at your home? I'm sure that your brother would try to come. You can try to reach out to the other family members. Perhaps you could write them a heart felt letter, explaining what happened, that you felt you had no choice because you were being abused. That did not mean you wanted them out of your life and you're trying to reach out to them. You could invite them to come over for this dinner, but say that you understand if they don't want to attend. Also, you could say that you hope it will okay if you continue to send cards at birthdays and holidays, etc.
2006-09-16 17:06:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive and forget. You will have a happier life.
With regards to your lost family, you could get in touch with the other members of your family through the brother you have got in touch with. I am sure he has their numbers.
Your step siblings may probably accept you if you contact them. You wouldn't know until you have tried! if they reject you, then you can forget about them, without feeling guilty.
As to your mom, tell her how sorry you are, for having exposed your step-dad's behaviour then. Ask her to forgive you as you have forgiven your step-dad. I am sure she will do so.
2006-09-16 17:15:15 · answer #5 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, we can not choose the family that we were born into. However, we can rebuild families for ourselves thru new healthy relationships. Your family is toxic and not a family that you should be involved in. I have that same problem. Seek therapy and work thru the issues you have had handed to you. You will learn to find joy without them in your life. I did it and my life is one of complete joy and healthy boundaries. Don't allow them to harm you anymore than they already have. You are far above that. God bless you!
2006-09-16 17:30:51 · answer #6 · answered by oneradnursey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I to lost my family because I told on my brother for raping me, and he went to jail. Now I have no family except my daughter who was the out come of the rape,my brother is my daughter's father.and I have 2 other sons, this is my only family, MY KIDS.If this is how they feel you are better off without them, now you can pick the people you want to be your family
2006-09-16 17:08:50 · answer #7 · answered by hawkesnest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I know that EVERYONE deserves to have a loving and caring family........Dear, it doesn't necessarily matter if they are biological or not........If I was abused and my mom turned her back on me, I honestly don't know how I could ever forgive her for it........Congrats on having the strength and the courage to try to mend your relationship.......If you are getting along with your brother, just keep up the good work.........Good things will come for you dear......I am just sorry that you had to go through all of this............Take care honey..........
2006-09-16 17:07:02 · answer #8 · answered by mizzzzthang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgive them
2006-09-16 17:05:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋