Military Wives, am I over reacting?

Question

My husband came home from deployment on friday. He brought home a friend *on the first day*. The next day, he had duty, but he says "come on down, we'll spend the day together, I'll show the girls around the ship". After an hour and a half drive (bad traffic), half an hour searching for a parking spot, and half an hour of waiting for him to come to the gate to sign us in, he tells me "Well, you can't come on, the guys want to hang out in the shop and they've got gastro, but you can go run these errends, not for me but for the guys, then you can go home" (I am paraphrasing, of course). They left again today for a "family day cruise" which we couldn't go on because the girls aren't 8 yet. But I have to prepare a large meal because he's bringing a bunch of people over this evening.

I'm upset. Am I overreacting?

These are all people he has been deployed with.

Actually, It was a girl, no, I'm not leaving him, Yes, I plan on saying something if we ever get a moment alone.

99 days (I know for many that doesn't seem long)

he asked about the friend over e-mail before they pulled in. I told him then that I wanted the first few days to be family time.

Now he says she's coming tomorrow, too... will we *ever* get time alone? I tried to talk to him to tell him how I feel and it feel's like talking to a brick wall...

Answer 1

NOOO I definitely don't think u are overreacting.. I dunno how long the deployment was, but my husband just came home from a year long deployment about a month and a half ago.. Ur hubby should want 2 spend all his time wit u and ur girls right about now, seeing how ya'll have seen him in a while. U definitely need 2 sit him down and tell him how it is making u feel. Let him kno that he's not a single soldier/marine or whatever he is and that he has a family! He needs 2 start thinkin about ya'll instead of all his buddies! GOOD luck girl!

Answer 2

FU!K no you're not overreacting. What you should have done about the first thing was take the money and then go home and say "i forgot about the errends, oops."
Second thing, is he can easily choose not to go to the cruise, or helped you find someone to take care of your kids.
Just because he's in the military and you are not does not make him better than you. It is also difficult being a military wife. You have to deal with him being gone a lot, waiting a lot, playing the role of mom, dad, accountant, cook, maid, butler, babysitter. You constantly move around. He needs to understand that He's your HUSBAND and you're his WIFE, not he's a man with a live in nanny and such. It is just as hard to be a mil wife as it is to be in the mil. You have needs too. Go to the church on post and talk to the pastors. The information you tell them is confidential and will not find it's way into his military record.

Answer 3

My man is in the Navy we have been together for 3 years we have a 2 month old son together & we might get married. If he did that to me I would be pissed off. I would do the dinner thing and after I would tell him look I am pissed. Tell him why & how you feel taken for granited. I would also say that he needs to spend more time with you and your children and it seems like his "guys" are more important then you & the children, and no one should come before his children and you are his family. You should come first before his buddies. One good thing to make a man understand is say " how would you feel if you drove so many hours then had to do earns for a bunch of guys and were taken for grantid" you get what I mean just ask him how he would feel if he were you doing all this and not getting to spend anytime with you. I always tell my b/f look 360 meaning look at the situation from everyone view. I hope everything works out.

Answer 4

I dont think they have duty the next day normally they get a 3 day pass when they home from deployment, sound like he has been with single guys too long. If he was any kind of man he would spend this time with his wife and kids. I am sorry but that would really upset me if my husband did that to me. I would have a long talk with him. How long was he gone?

Answer 5

Well he's either A still in military/deployment mode and it's slipped his mind. So i'd just kindly say something like uuuh honey have you forgotten our family time together? Wait for his response to see what he says. and then with out attitude tell him what his actions made you feel like, and then let it go. I'd be upset to so you have a right to be ticked off. You would think these men have seen enough of each other after deploying with them for a year or more, then they come home and want to spend all their time with their guy friends as if they've never seen them before. So yeah .....i'd just say hey dear have you forgotten about us. I'd like to have you and just you with the kids and I.

Answer 6

It sounds to me that he is still being Single. He is just using you and as a cover. I bet he is more than on a friendly term with the friend....and if he gets caught, then it could be his Career. Why didn't you try to find a sitter for the kids and YOU go with your DH on this Family Day Cruise? Or didn't he want you for that either? If not, then there def IS something going on.
My DH is Military and we have been thru Deployments...he wants to be with ME and nobody else when he comes home from them or from Training.....

Answer 7

Oh girl, sounds like you have a husband who is used to being alone. He is not thinking about you or his children he is thinking selfishly about himself. I understand there might be some sort of confusion when he first comes back. But effectively, the two of you are going to have to learn how to live with one another all over again. Be prepared for a bumpy road, I'm not saying there will be a bumpy road, I'm just saying toughen up because it might get worse.

If he is going to invite you and the kids out, he needs to be clear about the details and not leaving it up to you to "figure it out". That's rude inconsiderate selfish and well just plain uncivilized.

Sounds like he is asking you to be the ***** so he will have something to complain about and not feel guilty for becoming a differnt person.

Answer 8

They act a little strange when they first get home. It is hard
for them to let go of the security their fellow soldiers have given them. Give him a few days of playing the big man with his guys & then lay down the law that you are not a maid. You do not "run" errands or cook meals unless asked ahead of time. They should be your friends too or he needs a night out to see them once a week. Good luck - pray for patience! Then explain rules!

Answer 9

I knew a guy like that back when. In his case it boiled down to not knowing how to reconnect with the family so he "relied" on his shippies instead. That is until we got sick of him "relying" on us and told him to carry his happy butt home. What you are going through is not all that uncommon and I commend you. Navy wives are the salt of the earth!!!!! The guys in his shop just spent an entire deployment staring at his ugly mug and aren't going to want to see it all the time now, and will make this clear to him in time. I hope this helps some. Fair winds and bon chance

Answer 10

My father is active right now too, but he doesn't do this to my stepmom. I don't think you're overreacting. Maybe you need to talk to your husband, otherwise you need to put your foot down! It all depends on if he listens to what you think. Pray about it, God always has the best advice! If it was a girl he brought home, I think someone needs to back off your husband!