i am 17 my bro died last year i keep thinking that maybe if i would have payed attention to my heart.....?

Question

that maybe i would have been there when he took his last breath. he was terminally ill, and he was in such pain one night that they doped him up pretty well and the next morning i woke up really early and i thought he was just sleeping in. but something felt different. like i felt emptier. and a thought ran through my mind "hm he's so quiet maybe he DIED" and it just didn't feel right thinking that but about an hour later my dad screamed that he was dead. and the coroner said that he had died early morning. and i keep thinking that maybe if i had gone in there when things started feeling not right, that maybe i could have told him i loved him before he died.
and now i am living with this extreme guilt and i don't know what to do because i can't see a counselor or anything. please help if you can and tell me what i can do to make the guilt go away.

Answer 1

I am so sorry that you have lost your brother. I was 18 when I lost my dad who was terminally ill. I know how sad you are and how guilty you feel about not saying goodbye and telling him one last time that you love him. The night that my dad died, I had left the hospital to pick up my 11 year old brother who was returning from a little league trip. My brother asked me to take him to the hospital, but it was so late at night, my mom told me to take him home, feed him dinner, and put him to bed. I told my brother I would take him to the hospital to see our dad in the morning. Within and hour of us getting home and eating dinner, my mom walked through the front door to let us know that dad was gone. It has been over 9 years and I still feel sad & guilty. But, I also know that my dad knew we loved him, the same way your brother knew you loved him.

My mom and I were discussing this today actually, and I finally told her all these years later how guilty I felt about not bringing my brother to the hospital that night. My mom is convinced that there is a reason that God did not want us to be at the hospital that night. Watching someone take their last breath changes you. My mom said that was the hardest thing she ever had to go through. I can't imagine how my brother would have handled that at 11 years old. I know my mom is right, but I still feel that guilt. I'm sure that my dad would not have wanted us there for that.

I'm sure there are going to be alot of people telling you that he's gone to a better place and at least he's not suffering anymore. They're right, but that isn't going to make you feel better right now. You need to cry, be sad, feel guilty, and go through all of the other normal emotions that go along with losing someone you love. It is especially hard because he was young. You need to see a counselor, even if it is one at school.

The feelings never go away completely. But, it does get a little easier in time. Remembering the good happy times with your brother will help. Talking about him will help. Volunteering for any kind of charity related to the illness he was suffering from will also help you. Your brother would not want you to feel guilty or sad. He would want you to live a long happy life. I think that maybe we each have some kind of control over that moment when we take our last breath. Maybe if we do, your brother decided that he did not want any of you to have to be there for that so he went while you were sleeping. You can talk to your brother anytime you want to, he can hear you.

You will be ok, just let that guilt go away. Realize that you did nothing wrong. There was no way you could have known that was going to be the last day of his life. We can't wander through life worrying about saying goodbye to the people we love. Just remember your brother, thing of happy memories, and don't worry about that guilt. If you need to in order to feel better, apologize out loud to your brother, tell him you love him, and say goodbye. He will hear you.

Answer 2

Many people get sense that something isn't quiet right around the time that someone they love dies. I had the same feeling when my grandmother died 5 years ago. I misse being with her by 5 minutes. They also say that many people if they can choose will choose to be alone so as not to have their family have the memory of them actually dying that is why you hear so many stories of I had just stepped out of the room for just a minute.

I can sense you were very close to your brother and it must have been very hard for you to see him go through what he did I remember my mom when she was dying of cancer just this past year. It was so hard. there are so many what ifs and if Only's that go with it that are normal part of grief. the only thing I can tell you is if you were as close to your brother as it seems here he knew you loved him without your words at that moment in time.

you can't let the whatif's and if only's run the rest of your life because you can't rewind time. You have to know in your heart that your brother knew your true feelings and accept that.

If your still deeply bothered by it you may need to get some sort of help elsewhere, Good luck my heart goes out too you. it is so hard. I can't even imagine loosing my sister.

Answer 3

My deepest condolences on the loss of your brother at such a young age. Your grief and your guilt are normal stages of loss. Your guilt is unfounded, though. You did nothing wrong.

Your brother must have been in agony from his illness. He's free from all that now. But that's a cold comfort for you, isn't it? I don't think he would have wanted you to feel this extreme guilt you have now. I think he knew you loved him. Your pain will never be gone totally, but it will ease with time.

If you must let him know how you feel, write him a letter. If he has not been buried yet, place it in his coffin. If he has been buried, burn it and let the smoke carry it to him.

I wish I could make you feel better. Losing someone you love so much is one of the worst feelings in the world. Please accept my warmest regards and my hope that you feel some peace very soon.

Answer 4

Sorry kid, I lost my brother at the same age years ago, you have nothing to feel guilty about, you are not god and it wasnt in your hands, you may have felt better or worse had you gone in before your father. But you could not have changed the outcome, your brother knows you loved him, even when he was well and you were argueing, it was always there, he knew it and you knew it just because you didnt say it doesnt make it any less true. I blamed myself for a long time, I was supposed to pick my little brother up from a party, but got into trouble before hand someone else took him home from the party and he never made it, If I had picked him up we may both have lived or we may both have died, who can say, but you have no reason to feel guilt. MAKE SENSE?

Answer 5

First of all, I am so sorry about your brother's passing. I could say something stupid, like "he's in a better place"..but believe me, I know just how you're feeling, because I've been there.

But I can only beg you to seek out some real help. YAHOO ANSWERS is not the place to get help with such a profound and painful question. Please get some real help, okay? Peace and Blessings to you, sweetie.

Answer 6

I have lost 3 sisters so far. My younger sister and I were best friends so I can totally relate. I know I felt guilty too when she died as I had just spoken to her a few days before.

You are going through such a tough time right now. I wish I could hold you but I cant. Try to think of it like this: he was very sick. Everyone has a day to die and his day came. Now he isnt sick any more but very sad that you feel so bad. He knows you love him. Talk to him. Just like you talk to anyone. Let your feelings out. Dont keep them inside. Remember the good times you had. I talked to my sister every day for almost a year. I can still hear her voice to this day and she died over 10 years ago. She was only 15 when she died. But she was killed. Yeah, I felt guilty too. Its very natural to feel that way. To this day, I have her blanket on my bed and her favorite stuffed toy in my room. Find something of your brothers that was special to him. Hold it every day. Cry into it. But like I said, talk to him. He will listen and will answer you in your dreams. I promise you that. He is only gone in the physical sense but not in the spiritual. He is at peace now and happy and wants you happy as well. Im positive of that.

My condolences are with you. My prayers are with you. You will get through this in time. Give yourself that time to grieve. Talk to him and to God. Find a minister to talk to as well. God Bless.

Answer 7

Early Am also means one, two, three in the morning. Chances are humans are sensitive to their surroundings and sub-consciously you knew what had happened, but were afraid of the truth. It came to reality when your Father confirmed it, now you are left with "possibility's". My experience is that you know when you are in the room with a body. Humans sense " a absence of electricity" with death. Just as we know when someone is behind us. The guilt you carry is because in hind sight you only think things could have been different. However, the reality was he wanted to go peacefully "in sleep".

Answer 8

You'll be fine. My Grandma is really really sick and I feel so guilty because i never want to see her. Don't feel bad. He died in the early morning for all you know that could've been before you woke up. Don't feel bad sweetheart. Talk to your parents or a counselor. Don't let it consume your life. Losing loved ones is so difficult i know. Just talk about it. even on here it's ok. Just let it out.

Answer 9

My sister died 2 years ago, and I feel a LOT of guilt. I was not there for her when she needed me, and I did NOT get to say goodbye to her. There , sadly, is not much we can do...but DO try to believe he is in a good place now...and NOT in pain..........and if so... then he CAN hear you, he KNOWS how you feel. You can tell him all that you feel................ also, what helped me.......was I wrote a letter to her. I left it in a place that I knew she would have notice it RIGHT away when alive. Part of me believes she has seen that letter.

Answer 10

I'm sure your brother knew in his heart you loved him , you didn't know he was going to die at that exact time so you need to put ur guilt away , start thinking of the great times you had with your brother instead plz