I gave my 19 yr.old a choice: stop stripping and get a real job or move out. The deal was if she was in school she would get free room and board (she graduated in June and was suppose to go to a community college starting this month)Well she never did go back to school and started dancing and supporting her dead beat boyfriend. Well she chose to leave which I hoped after a few days of being homeless and spending all her money on hotels that she would come home and get a regular job and get her act together. I spoke with my Aunt about this in length for over an hour and explained to her why I was doing this and what lesson I was trying to teach my child before I even spoke with my daughter. My Aunt agreed with me and said I was doing the right thing. Well a couple of hours after I told my daughter about her choices I find out my Aunt offered to let her move in with her. I believe this to be a serious betrayl and feel that my Aunt stabbed me in the back .Am I wrong to feel this way?
2006-09-16 16:02:10 · 15 answers · asked by queeniez71 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I feel at the very least my Aunt should have asked me before she offered to let my daughter stay with her. She says she doesnt want my daughter living on the streets which I dont either but My daughter cusses at me and does nothing but party and use my house as a flop house. She does not contribute in any way and sets a bad example for my 16 and 13 yr.old boys. I just want to try and teach her that life aint as easy as she thinks and I felt that making her do it on her own would show her she is not prepared for life at there yet and that she is better off at home and getting an education and I feel my Aunt has interfared in something that wasnt her affair to get in.
2006-09-16 16:07:06 · update #1
I know that my daughter is an adult and responsible for her own actions thats what I was trying to teach her. I wont bail her out because I am so tired of her know it all ways .I am always hearing her say how grown she is thats why I made her choose so she can see for herself how not grown she is.
2006-09-16 16:26:35 · update #2
Wow, I can't believe your Aunt! I would feel totally betrayed. Do you know whether your daughter asked her or did your Aunt just offer? Either way, it was not a good decision on her part. What can your daughter possibly learn from this? She will learn that there will be someone to "bail" her out of situations. Not the lesson you wanted her to learn, I am sure. I am sorry for your situation, but I think that you handled it very well. It was your Aunt that screwed up.
2006-09-16 16:11:59 · answer #1 · answered by kkneisler 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion your Aunt will end up kicking your daughter out eventually. It is definitely good that your daughter isn't living with you any more. She disrespects you and your house. You can't put up with that. You did the right thing.
Your Aunt did stab you in the back but I wouldn't make a big deal about it. You want to keep a good relationship with your Aunt so you can keep tabs on your daughter and what is happening in her life. Just kid around with your Aunt and say, Hey, she's your problem now, have fun.
If she used your house as a party house and disrespected you she will end up doing the same thing to your Aunt. She just wont do it right away. Once she gets comfortable living there, then she will start up her old habits and your Aunt isn't going to be to happy about it. I would feel sorry for her. What ever you do, Don't allow your daughter to move back in with you. You can let her know that when she decides to act like an adult and is ready to go back to school and make something of herself, then she can come back home.
You did the right thing.
2006-09-16 16:17:07 · answer #2 · answered by Tired-Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No definitely not the Aunt is undermining your authority. She should not of let her move in. On the other hand you know where she is and you dont have to worry about your daughter as much. I know you have her best interests at heart and are doing the right thing. Your daughter is young and even though you can see she is making some wrong choices you have to let her go and make her own decisions. Of course later on she will realize her mistakes and will come back to you saying you were right all along. Good luck and try not to stress so much.
2006-09-16 16:08:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right to do as you did. At 19, she needs to know the real world and the consequences of her actions. Your aunt was dead wrong in going behind your back. First of all, you need to get face to face with your aunt and tell her that it is not her business to interfere with the lessons you are trying to teach your children. But if she won't listen, I guarantee that she [your aunt] will soon find out why you did what you did. By allowing your daughter to live with her, she is giving your daughter the idea that what she is doing with her life is fine. Your daughter will continue her destructive behavior while living with your aunt. See how your aunt likes it then.
As far as what you do.. there isn't much you can do beyond confronting your aunt. Your daughter is an adult and responsible for herself. If she gets into real trouble, she will have to deal with that as well. My son would not listen to me when it came to simple matters of managing his money in such a way as to keep a roof over his head.. the result? He was homeless and jobless and didn't know what to do. I told him that I love him more than my life, but I am not going to bail him out. He is old enough to know better.. I raised him better than that, so he is going to have to learn his lesson from his own actions. He has, as far as I can see now.. so good luck to you. Just remember that you can only do so much for your daughter, then she has to be on her own and accept the consequences of what she does. You now have two young sons to teach good lessons. I wish you the best.
2006-09-16 16:17:09 · answer #4 · answered by Nancy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are entitled to feel this way...Your aunt is also entitled to do what she pleases although I agree with what you have done I would have done the same thing in your situation. Don't let your daughter come between you and your aunt...if your aunt wants to support your daughter and be taken advantage of let her. She will eventually kick her out too or maybe she will be able to help your daughter. Sometimes we take advice from anyone but our parents even if it is the same advice
2006-09-16 16:07:49 · answer #5 · answered by rye252000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was wrong of your Aunt to betray you like that, she knew your stand on it and had agreed with you. She may of felt that she would rather have your daughter somewhere that she knew she would be safe and not homeless. As for your daughter someday she'll learn from all of this, it make take some time as right now she is thinking there is good money in that job, but it will take time.
2006-09-16 16:16:03 · answer #6 · answered by Katie Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
alot of times the kids will rebel if offered an ultimatum. shes going to do what she wants, reguardless of what you want, or whats best for her. most that support deadbeats are on meth. i see it all the time. a betrayl yes, but i would have a problem with some of my family living on the street. someday they will change, and if some of my family got pissed because i took them in, well its too damn bad. i understand why you feel the way you do, in your situation i would feel the same, but nothing will be accomplished by hard feelings.try letting it ride for a while and see what happens. you and your aunt are trying to do the same thing, just going about it differently. watch for the drugs tho, that is probably the key to everything. good luck.
2006-09-16 16:39:32 · answer #7 · answered by chris l 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that u were right to set those options for her. I think that your aunt was wrong in going behind your back. I understand that u or your aunt do not wish to see her homeless.The only thing that i can say is that she will probably run over your aunt. And the end result will be that your aunt will throw her out.
2006-09-17 07:08:40 · answer #8 · answered by omarion's mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with you, and your aunt is dead wrong.
The path your daughter is heading down is going to be a tough road and as long as she has people that are willing to allow her to manipulate them she will never stop. Your aunt needs to learn tough love.
Good luck to you, and I hope that your family can find its way back together.
2006-09-16 16:15:09 · answer #9 · answered by jmlmmlmll 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right...Your Aunt is out of line!!
Regarding your daughter...
Its tough but stand by what you said and don't give in...just be there for her when things fall apart (and they will)
Make sure she knows she's loved no matter what and that when push comes to shove you can be counted on to do whats in her best interest.
Its hard to be a good parent... good luck.
2006-09-16 16:06:41 · answer #10 · answered by American Girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋