How to get my 3 year old to stop peeing on her self!?

Question

My 3 year old just started pre-school and she sometimes wets her self! Not much while she is at school but more when she's home. If I punish her for something,tell her to do something,tell her no about something or just make her mad she will wet her pants and then look at me or who ever and say "Look what you made me do now" or other smart a** things like that! How can I make this stop!

She was the one who wanted to go to pre-school,last year she would cry every day when she couldn't get on the bus with her cousins. My husband and I have tried everything but we live next door to my parents and thay baby her all the time. If I get onto her for wetting her self around my parents thay get mad and tell her it's ok to have accidents and give her candy anyway. When we say something about how thay are with her thay get mad and say we raised you didn't we! I would also like help on how to get them to let me raise my kids on my own without them butting in!

Answer 1

This is not about wetting. It's a CONTROL issue. She is controlling you and getting attention by wetting herself. Instead of getting mad or punishing her, refuse to play her game. Instead, IGNORE the wetting. The next time she does it, hand her some clean clothes and calmly tell her she will need to change herself. Then go into another room and refuse to be involved in any crying, whining or anything else. If she doesn't change herself. Ignore her. Eventually, she will tire of wetting herself when she doesn't get the attention she is seeking. Be sure to give her lots of love, cuddling and praise when she is not wetting. If she goes a day or two without wetting, tell her you noticed and tell her you are PROUD of her! Give her positive attention for positive behavior.

Answer 2

Perhaps a visit to the Pediatrician to make sure there are no medical problems.

Perhaps you can play music while on the way to preschool to lower the anxiety level.

Perhaps she can tell you if she's upset about something.

You don't need the word punish in your book!
Discipline is different.
Perhaps she is nervous, and found out how to push your buttons, and perhaps you can calm down before telling her. Your calm voice is the best thing she can ever hear.

I believe it will pass, providing she has no medical problems.
Can you ask the preschool if others have this problem?
Perhaps they can tell you what works, other than trying to stay as calm as possible. Then she can't push your buttons.

Don't worry, after she stops this, she will find another button to push to try to control you.
She definitely wants your attention, and that's ok too!

She loves you, and I remember a story of when a brand new baby was put on the "Mom movie actress's stomach" for the first time.....the little baby tinkled all over her, and she glowed that the baby gave her all she had to give in the world".
Now that's a very, soft, loving thought!

Answer 3

I'm assuming she's potty trained? That means that she's trying to control the situation. You need to take the control back. Don't punish her more, because that is giving her attention and in a twisted way making you mad is winning for her. Ignore her. Believe me, she doesn't want to stand around in wet clothes all day. Tell her she better go change, but don't help her. And don't back down on whatever you were trying to get her to do in the first place. If you were trying to put her in time-out, let her sit in time-out for three minutes with wet pants. Then she'll know that she can't win that way and it's better to do what you tell her to do the first time.

Answer 4

First of all, how long has she been trained for? If she is just trained then the smart remarks may be from embarrassment and trying to blame it on someone else. (in this case I would say be patient and understanding) If she has been trained for a while and she is just looking for attention or being lazy. Have you tried making he wash her own clothes and putting her in a cool (not cold) bath or shower every time she wets her self to clean herself up. Scrubbing her own panties by hand in the sink with soap is not a fun job when they are filled with pee. After that is completed deal with the back talk. Firmly tell her that no one can make her pee her self and if she wishes to do so then she will have to clean up the mess.

Answer 5

My daughter is of the same age and I have the same problem with my mother in law. I had to leave my daughter to her care because I had to help my husband work, we had 4 kids and he wasn't earning enough. They live apart from us which makes matters worse because my daughter is growing apart from our family. She's been with us for almost 2 weeks now, and she pees everywhere she pleases on the first 2 days. She's quite bull headed because she's grown used with getting whatever she wanted and getting away with anything (grandmothers!). She wears diapers all the time when she's with her lola and she expexted she could do the same with us. She doesn't like being scolded and and she gives tantrums when she doesn't get her way. I ignored her "shows" and acted unaffected by them. When she does it again I tell her that she too old to do that and that she should be ashamed of it, she knows better. She will cry after this but my husband, her brothers and I ignored her(we already agreed on this). On the third day I talked to my only daughter as I did with her brothers, I explained to her the reasons why peeing on herself at her age is unacceptable. Children are very intelligent, we must realize that as parents, how we treat them and communicate with them greatly influence their perception and values. Being sensitive with other people's feelings is something that I try to inculcate in my children. She no longer pees on herself, she now goes to the CR when she needs to, she calls me or her yaya afterwards to help her wash herself.

Answer 6

Im having the same problem only difference is we are the grandparents raising her and her brother who is 12 months younger. I think she is angry at her mother. I finally said no more pullups but she has peed all over my new house...my new carpet, ive used so much cleaner that I told her today she has to wear pullups until she decides she wants to be a big girl. It's exhausting, emotionally and physically. She wont let us take her if she doesnt have to potty she fights us and wont sit on the potty. Then later pee in her panties. I figure she will get better when she is ready, I dont think she will start kindergarden in pullups. :)) And for the people that said you brought it on yourself....BULL, walk a mile in your shoes, or mine. Then tell us we brought this on ourselves. I raised two of my own and never had this problem.

Answer 7

She will out grow this in time its just she will be so happy in what she is doing she will forget to go to the toilet so you need to keep reminding her and asking every 10 mins or so does she need to go i have the same problem with my 3 yr old but from experience from my 2 older children 12 and 10 she will stop i know it can be frustrating for you because you want her dry but it will get better i promise good luck

Answer 8

A good idea I heard is to plan a "Potty Party" weekend. Take off the diaper and let it go! Give her lots to drink, and take her in the bathroom about every 15 minutes. Every time she goes, make a big deal about it... congratuate her! Have her call up Grandma and Grandpa and let them congratulate her! Give her a little prize! Blow a whistle or sing a song or clang on the pots and pans..."Yippee! ____ went pee-pee in the potty!" "Wow!" "Terrific" "Congratulations" "What a big girl you are!" Keep it up all weekend.

Of course you will need to stock up on a lot of little prizes and alert certain people that you will be calling and asking them to play along. But, I've been told this can be very successful.

Accent the success... but ignore the failures!

Answer 9

well your parents are not helping at all!!! they need to come to the reality of the problem. and a problem you have if she is in fact doing it for attention. You need to put your foot down with the grand parents. my child has accidents too. at first we tried to discipline her, but it made it worse. She needs to clean herself up, change her own clothes, put them in the laundry and let her know that it stinks, it not good for her, no one wants to be in wet pants even a child, she will eventually get tried of doing all the cleaning up and will realize that using the toilet is much easier. and when she does it talk to her, explain all the things that come with it, like the other kids will smell it, see it, and will not want to be around it. it helped alot with mine and we no longer pee pee.

Answer 10

you just need to limit the time that your child spends with them. If they cant sit back and let you raise your child the way that you want then they have no need to be around your child during this very important . If your child does not listen to you now, because of your parents then your child will never listen to you.