What is a good way to begin "the talk" with my daughter?

Question

My mom never had it with me, her mom never had it with her and I want to break the cycle. It was always a taboo subject when I was growing up and I don't know a good way to begin it with my daughter with out making her embarrassed. Any suggestions would be so helpful! I want the relationship with my girls that i never had with my mom. I want them to be able to tell me anything and everything without being embarrassed! I just don't know how to go about it because I never was able to talk to my mom. I tried, but she always changed the subject!

Answer 1

You can sorta, plan a day with her whether its doing something fun arcade, cosmic bowling, or shopping at the mall. But start out with not trying to grill for info. simply be casual, smile, and let her do most of the talking youd be surprised, how they open up in their comfort zone lol . Try it , it worked for my sister. Im, really close with her 15 yr old daughter, my neice, but she doesnt have a kind word for her mom. My sister was lost, and didnt know where to start, and now they shop, laugh, crack jokes, and have a good relationship. Takes some work, and dont expect miracles. Just give it some time . good luck rosie

Answer 2

Make sure she knows that she can ask or tell you ANYTHING without judgement or reprocussions. That'll go a long way as to keeping lines of communication open.

Most states do pregnancy tests in the ER on girls over 9 years old. And at annual checkups, from about age 10 and up, doctors are required to have what we call the "sex, drugs, and rock and roll" talk. (I work for pediatricians.) If she's getting near puberty age, sit down with her in a neutral place, totally non-confrontational, and tell her that's she's going to go thru all kinds of changes (physical, emotional, etc.) and some of them can be scary, but if there's anything she wants to ask, she can always come to you for the truth. And I mean, THE TRUTH. Don't lie or even stretch the truth, because if she finds out otherwise, you lose ALL credibility! Meaning if she asks something like "how do you get pregnant?" Tell her in a way that's age appropriate. Don't tell her it happens by sitting on a toilet seat. That will just blow up in your face big time! But, also use this as a forum to express your views - for instance, if you do not believe in sex before marriage, let them know this. Tell them you won't disown them, but you don't approve.

The other thing is - you might want to do this one on one. Dad or other siblings or friends around would be SO embarassing.

Answer 3

First thing I would do is get her a copy of "Growing up: Its a girl thing" This book is primarily about menstruation, but thats the first stepping stone... after all we wouldnt menstruate if we werent going to have babies someday.
That book will start her out with explaining girls stages in puberty, handling the start of her period, and of course it will briefly go into how a baby is concieved (very clinically, nothing about actual sex). It will also tell her of her options for sanitary items (even some I hadnt known about until I was much older as sex and menstruation werent something we talked about in our house either as I was growing up).
When you give it to her tell her if she has ANY questions at all to ask you about them and you will give her the best answer you can and if you dont know the answer (youd be surprised how impressed your child will be that you arent all-knowing LOL) that the two of you can research it together (on the internet, at the library, etc). Tell her also that when she has finished reading the book (its not terribly long, but has great content put together tastefully) that you would like her to let you know because there are a few things that you would like to share with her from your own experiences... (generally that will spark her interest enough to actually come talk to you even if she is embarrassed). When she comes to you have your talk with her using your own personal life experiences to help her understand (I dont mean go into detail about how you have sex or when you started, just keep it real and honest. If YOU arent ashamed with her while talking frankly about sex, she will not feel there is anything wrong with it and she will be more willing to talk to you about it)

Answer 4

Just begin. It's better to always start being as open and communicate with your children when they are young so as they grow you will not be in the dark about their lives. Your daughter will get over being embarrassed talking with you, she is now because she is not used to talking to you about those things. But if not you then who and I am sure you don't want your daughter talking with someone else about something so important. Just be casual about it when you begin and keep talking, she will eventually open up to you and it creates such a bond between the two of you as well. So the best way to begin is to just begin!

Answer 5

it really depends how old she is.... The younger they are they less you really want to get into it, you just answer their questions and it ends there.
Ill assume shes a teen or close to. Take her out for a girls day, so shes doesn't feel like you are being intrusive. Start with the emotional stuff. Like the feelings she may start having towards boys, or vis versa.Let her know that boys will say things insincerely to fool around. Remind her that it is okay to have feelings for someone but not appropriate to act on them, even if she may want to. Let her know what sex is, Kill the curiosity that she has and start explaining the technical side. what her body parts are and so on. They have books she can read with pics so she knows each part of her body inside and out.Its sad that a lot of girls dont know where their clitoris is and so on. Be prepared for her to ask questions, but dont act uncomfortable about it. Let her know its natural and she needs to know as much as possible to protect herself. Usually young girls are more concerned about the emotional side, and may want to view the book in private and ask questions later

Answer 6

chances are your daughter has a curiosity already. ask her if there is anything about growing up that she wants to know. there are some good books out there, but many times kids aren't ready for "everything" all at once. remember the book are you there God it's me Margret by Judy bloom? that is a great book(In my opinion) about the menstral cycle and growing up and becoming a woman. I gave my son the boys version of it (can't think of the title right now). let her know that you and her can talk about anything. As you watch thing on TV that pertain to theese issues ask her if she understands. or try asking her if any of her friends havve started talking about sex or growing up type type issues. the more comfortable they feel with you the more likely you kids will be to come to you with thier questions.

good luck
mom of 4(ages 14,13,11 and 5)

Answer 7

Same story with me!

I got a couple age appropriate books for my kids. Depending on the age of your child. I got "What to Expect when Mommy's Having a Baby" for my 4 yr old and a Christian series on the subject to talk to my other child. Books are a good resource when additional questions come up. Sometimes it can be embarrasing for the parents! The books divert the attention to the subject, not the akwardness of the moment!

Also, in my house, we have always called body parts by their proper names, not nicknames. If it is dealt with as a fact of life, it's not embarrasing when the kid has a question and doesn't know how to ask.

Lastly, be sure to talk about when it is appropriate to talk about their new knowledge!

Good luck! I was SWEATING the first time I had to talk to my kids! Thank God for that book to grip onto!

Answer 8

ok this is what my mom did.. It a girl day.. we whent out shoping , whent for lunch to a privet place and she asked to be sitted way far away from everyone. then she and i ordered and she just said honey we need to talk it.The topic is a little difficult but we need to. and then she and i just got lost in it.. then she asked me if i had and quistions and said that now that i new this info she felt safer for me and i got new resposibiltys.. Then we whent out shoping some more.. And still to this day im 21 and we can talk about anything.. she put me in a atmistpher wher im comfuterbul.. the shoping part may not work but find the right atmishpior for your girl and go with it.. make her at easy.. it the best thing to do

Answer 9

So you mean sex? Or having a period for the first time? My mom never told me any of those and so when i had my period, i didn't even know what that was. I didn't even know what a virgin meant? So if you're gonna have the talk with her, start out by saying, "do you know where babies come from?" When a boy and girl likes each other, they go beyond a point where they start to touch each other more often, like kissing and hugging, and etc. Then it leads to taking their clothes off, and experimenting with one another. His penis goes in the vagina and thats how you make a baby......

Answer 10

Possibly bring a few points (or correct her) up if she mentions the"my friends say..." stuff. If she starts to ask questions, answer them in a way that won't overwhelm her with info, but will get her to see the point. Whenever she seems to be having a bad day, remind her that you're there for her and if she wants to talk about anything, you'll listen.