SILENCE
Sing to me sweet Silence
I am listening right here.
My ears are open to your message.
Of Truth I have no fear.
Darkest night does not fill me,
With fear or silly dread.
I will live this life with trust.
Until the day that I am dead.
I am at home with silence.
Darkness is as bright as day.
I fear nothing in this life.
I shall embrace it all the way.
Silence be my guide.
Darkness can be my light.
Sweet may be the sunrise.
But sweeter find I the night.
Only in silence does Wisdom speak.
His voice is loud and clear.
I shall harken to His message.
And share it down here.
2006-09-16 11:02:09 · 18 answers · asked by Debra M. Wishing Peace To All 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Yes it is mine.
2006-09-16 11:06:01 · update #1
It has enough rhythm it might make a good song. Also, I would break it up into stanzas, make it more readable and give more pattern to the rhyme and rhythm.
The message is a good one.
2006-09-16 11:06:56 · answer #1 · answered by auntb93again 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Debra, it's a heartfelt poem, and could encourage a lot of people to seek God, a noble goal.
But may I offer some small technical suggestions?
Here's how I would rewrite the first few lines, so too many words don't get in the way of your GREAT message.
SILENCE
Sing to me sweet Silence; (great as is, nice alliteration)
My still heart rests to hear; (more s allit. no awk. "right here")
My ears, open to your message. (Remove are for better rhythm)
Truth emboldens me, (Reword to avoid singsongy rhyme.)
Darkest night not filling, (Avoid I or me when already understood)
With foolish fear or dread. (more f allit.)
Keep on writing for the Lord!
2006-09-16 18:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by miraclewhip 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
to debra, its excellant. remain true to the words. to the rest of you, do not try to make her change it, take it for what it is. the greatest words i ever heard are " mostly i just want to be inspired". hey deb, hows this ? a kindly heart cannot hide. its tale is told in laughing eyes. know this laughter in yourself. give to others of its wealth. all i ask is friend in hand. be she woman or a man, if not feelings deep as love. just knowing you is enough of. you got the gift. keep it up and lets hear more!
2006-09-17 01:48:28 · answer #3 · answered by tom terrific 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is quite beautiful and adheres to the rhyme and meter scheme rather well. I put in context of getting away from all distractions including all sight and sound to hear His still, small voice. Thanks for sharing. You have a wonderful poem, IMHO.
2006-09-16 18:09:27 · answer #4 · answered by Nick â? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sweet Dreams, as if you hear Gods message in your sleep and you will pass it on to those who will listen? That's what I interpreted from your poem.
2006-09-16 18:07:54 · answer #5 · answered by CROC DADDY 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is the second poem of yours I have read and I think you are very talented.
2006-09-16 18:04:22 · answer #6 · answered by goodbye 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is a beautiful poem. If you wrote it, you are very talented.
2006-09-16 18:05:12 · answer #7 · answered by catarina 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think you have a lot of talent and love for God. Good luck...~! I assumed when you said His you were referring to God.
2006-09-16 18:04:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
the most boring poem
2006-09-16 18:18:02 · answer #9 · answered by lilyoungin979 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think that it is pretty good it could use a little work but i like it
2006-09-16 18:05:50 · answer #10 · answered by mister 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋