Listening Issues???

Question

I am startin to realize that I am a bad listener.... Any Suggestions on how to turn this around???

Answer 1

stop talking...lol seriously normally its that you talk more than you listen

Answer 2

Hi
Don't listen to those answers saying that your just wrapped up in yourself. There are issues of personality at work here. And just as some find it harder to ride a bike, so some find it harder to listen. But just as in riding a bike, we can all learn. Now, I'm going to outline some skills below, but don't try them all at once. Only one at a time and when you think you've mastered that one, go and add the next one. This will take time...

I find the first thing is to consciously and actively listen. Just as you need to put your brain into gear when driving, so you need to say to yourself 'I am now listening'. I know it sounds a little forced and it will be for quite a while. Try not to think of an answer to the point that people are making. For some of us, myself included, it's easy to try and solve other people's problems when that's not what they want from us. So listen to what they are saying and don't offer advice.

Try and keep your body language open. Don't sit there with your arms and legs crossed. If it doesn't look too wierd, try and mimick the other person's body language, unless they're all defensive with arms and legs crossed. It shows that you are identifying with them.

Next, try and reflect back to the person what they've said. DO NOT GIVE ADVICE. Instead say something like 'So you're telling me that you are upset by the way **** has been treating you and you want to go and *****. Am I hearing you right?' This helps you to check you've been listening right, gives the person the chance to correct any misunderstanding and also tells them that you've been listening, even if you have got bits wrong.

Next, advanced stuff...
Para-phrasing. Reflecting back the facts of what you've been told but deliberately leaving out the emotion of the other person. Helps them to think and express themselves more logically. Say, 'If I understand what you are thinking it is x,y and z. Is that right?'
Para-flecting. Reflecting back the feelings without the fact. Helps people with little emotional self-awareness to be clearer about their feelings. 'I'm picking up that you are feeling a,b & c about this situation. Is that how you are feeling?'

If you want to go any deeper than this, get yourself onto a counselling course. But take these in order. Seriously, the first thing to do is to stop problem-solving and to decide to actively listen.

Hope all this helps.

Chris.

Answer 3

Listening to who or what? Most people are bad listeners unless they actually care about the person that is talking to them. Other than that its just about focusing and paying attention and not spending time with a bunch of people that have nothing to say that you care to hear.

Answer 4

i have the same problem for some of us good listening doesn't come natural because we are so wrapped up in ouselves and our own problems. I guess if you stop feeling sorry for yourself and listen nine times out of ten you'll find that maybe some of your problems aren't so bad. also it's hard to keep friends when you are a bad listener.

Answer 5

just try to concentrate on what people are saying and get interested sorry if im making it seem easier than it is.

giving advice to my friends is sort of like a reputation i have and i really enjoy it!! lol i like solving problems and stuff so thats why i love helping people and listening usually isnt a problem for me well except for in school!!


and hey dont get yourself down about it i mean we all have issues no one is perfect

=)

Answer 6

When you are in conversation with someone, face that person and give them your undivided attention.

Always repeat what you think he/she said before responding to it, to give an opportunity to correct it since it is easy to get it wrong.

Good for you for identifying a weak point in your character and doing something to correct it! You will be formidable!!!

Answer 7

Seems like if you really cared at all about the person who is talking, you would keep quiet + listen.
Otherwise, I guess you are just into yourself.

Answer 8

you can get listening lessons, really, it works.