I met a great guy and things were wonderful until he blew me off for a date because his daughter wanted him to do something with her and her friends. We didn't even discuss it....he just made the decision and then ignored the fact that we were supposed to go out. I asked him if this was going to be an ongoing thing and he said yes, his daughter's needs came before anyone elses. I asked if he was ever going to view me as equally important to her and he said no. Should I expect to be viewed as at least equal in importance to a man's daughter from a previous relationship or am I idealistic? This man claimed that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me but I'm not sure if that's a good idea.
2006-09-16 09:31:30 · 12 answers · asked by sonador137 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A child is always going to come first no matter what. But if he is in a relationship he needs to put his priorities in place. He can't always put aside his plans that were already made with you for his daughter. That wouldn't be fair to you. He needs to make time for you. If you feel he is doing this all the time then I would forget him. I can understand his daughter will come first because I have a son and he always comes first to me. But I think that is a little out of hand when he cuts the date with you to take her wherever she wants to go. She sounds like a spoiled brat and wants her way too. It could be she may be doing this to him on purpose so he won't go out with you. Or at least he can include you to go with them. I wouldn't marry him just yet. See how it goes and if he keeps putting you off then tell him bye. You don"t want to be miserable in a marriage that he doesn't see the glass half full. I wish you luck!
2006-09-16 09:52:59 · answer #1 · answered by Humming Bird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His child will always be more important than you, as she should be. You aren't her mother. The only way you could ever possibly hope to be her equal would be if you were her mother. I know for a fact, if my husband and I ever divorced that my kids would come first, always. Right now their father IS their equal because he helped create them. Any other man, would be just that, a man, not my child, not the father of my child. If you cannot accept this, I suggest you find someone without children, because any GOOD parent will feel as he does.
2006-09-16 09:36:19 · answer #2 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You mean to tell me if your child said "mommy let's do this", then your boyfriend says "No, let's do this we were supposed to anyway" You would go with your boyfriend? You would miss out on your child's life for someone who you might wind up divorcing, or not being with anyway? I can't see how you can't understand, because if this man had not been involved in his child's life, you probably would call him a dead beat...am I right? I can tell you're not a parent, neither am I, but I still understand that having a kid is the greatest blessing on this earth. And for someone to try and intrude on this divine relationship makes them selfish and childlike. He probably does love you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but by you asking him if you would ever compare to his daughter probably put him on the defensive, now he's thinking "Oh my gosh, she'll be a wicked step mother!"
2006-09-16 09:47:38 · answer #3 · answered by Kendra B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you should kiss the ground that your bf walks on..You don't know what u have..This man loves his child and puts her first..Do u know how rare that is? If u want to be closer to him you need to get to know his child and be involed with both of them..When he said he had plans with his child u should of ask to go..If u act like your upset that he wants to spend time with his child u are going to become the enemy and lose him.Guys can love more then one.Just remember his child comes first becomes she needs him more then you do..Which is normal..It just doesn't happen alot with men.So I say u have a jewel and hang on to him.
2006-09-16 09:42:54 · answer #4 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A child should ALWAYS come first. Girlfriends and boyfriends come and go but your children will always be there and need you. If you feel you need to come before his child then you are selfish and inconsiderate. I told my husband when we hooked up that my 2 boys came first and when or if it ever came down to it that they come first. He was completely understanding of that and knows that he is second to them. Not that I don't love him as well but their needs come first because we may get divorced one day (hopefully not) but my kids will always be my kids no matter what. Don't be so self centered!
2006-09-16 09:36:26 · answer #5 · answered by stall_out 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a child always has to come first
yet a man is not a man if his word means nothing
if he will go 4 everything his daughter asks - u better take some1 else who will respect himself n you
2006-09-16 09:38:02 · answer #6 · answered by irena 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, for the LOVE of PETER!
You're asking If it comes down to a choice between his girl and you, then I say there is NO choice.
Blood is more important than a ho bag. ALWAYS.
End of story.
2006-09-16 09:33:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
a child automatically comes first but if he wants to be with you but blows you off for his child all the time, you need to talk about , where you stand in the relationship.
2006-09-16 09:36:17 · answer #8 · answered by jeh0387 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you had a child it might be easier for you to understand if he said he loves you i'm sure he does.he has to be there for his daughter so if you are understanding with him this should earn you the respect you deserve.
2006-09-16 12:11:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, when I was reading this I thought your boyfriend sounded like a jerk, but then I suggestion hit me. Maybe instead of him taking care of the kids by himself and you being mad, why don't you both hang out with her and her friends? Hope this helps!
2006-09-16 09:36:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋