what to do?

Question

Well I have a three year old and we got her a hamster a year ago and it died last night. Do I tell her that it died or go out and get a new one so she does not know that it died? I am not sure if it is to soon to tell her about death. No a round her has died or anything like this, or is this a good way to teacher her about death. Serous answers only.

Answer 1

I am a firm believer in telling the truth... We as parents do not want our children to lie to us as they start to grow up, and this is an oppurtunity to start to explain death to her on a level appropriate for her... And let her know that sometimes this happens and he or she, the hampster would not want her to be sad... He would want her to remember him with happy thoughts... Keep it light and quickly divert her attention to something cute he did... And let her know that once she is ready, you and her will go to pick out a new pet for her... Kittens are wonderful and full of energy and my baby girls love to push theirs around in their baby strollers... And also let her know it will not be a replacement, but a new little friend for her... Kittens are easily trained with a little care and are pretty independant as they grow... Mine are well trained and even have their litter box in the garage... So no messy smell of poo in the home. And we have three... Keep this in mind and if you ever decide to, I would be happy to tell you how to train them to go potty in the garage... It will be OK, you will see.... ♥ Trust your heart, to post this you already knew it was best to tell the truth... My girls have lost their Great Gramma and I feel it was best to be honest... They understand it well, and have had a couple pets pass, and having been honest about their Great Gramma, was a reverse of what you may face, but with love, all things are possible and what you instill in her is what sets her reaction.... Best wishes `

Answer 2

I don't think you should replace it. That is straight up dishonesty, and in order to "protect" your child from the natural order of life!

I think this is the perfect opportunity to have a age appropriate discussion about the difference between "alive and dead". Also to bring up faith on the matter if you have a belief.

Take care to mention that sometimes small animals die unexpectedly, but that very rarely happens to people. Usually once the topic is brought up children wonder about their loved ones.

"Will you die?"
"Will I die?"
"will Grandma die?"

If you miss this chance to talk about death in a natural setting, she won't have any experience when a bigger death comes along. Also this is a good time because you are calm, and she can see that as an example.

Talk to your daughter about the hamptster passing. And help put her fears aside, then have a small "funeral" for the hampster. Tell her the funeral is to help honor the memory of their beloved hampster, and it sometimes makes people feel better.

Maybe put it in a shoe box on table. If you have a picture of her holding it from a while ago, put that out next to the box. Maybe even a couple flowers from the yard in a bud vase.

Sit a couple dinning chairs into "rows" and say a few words about the hampster. Then take the box into the backyard to burry it in a place you have prepared. Then maybe mark the spot with a special stone.

This "play" funeral is the same type of activity that helps children model normal healthy behavior when the real time comes. Try to keep things simple and quick so it can stay as possitive as possible.

Be prepared to cry a lot yourself too, Tell her it is okay to be sad, but that death is a normal part of the cycle of life.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Don't lie to her or hide it. It's a good life lesson to learn now before she suffers the loss of someone bigger. I would start off by saying that "I have some very sad news.”

Empathize with her about her loss. "I know it is really hard for you. I can tell that you're very sad about this. You must miss your hamster so much." Let her grieve. You can even bury the pet and have her make a tombstone.

There are several good children's books that talk about death. Lifetimes-Bryan Melanie, I Miss You-Pat Thomas, I’ll Always Love You-Hans Wilhelm are some of my favorites. They are great books that help young children understand about loss and grieving. You can find them on Amazon or your local book store or library. Hope this helps!

Answer 4

Every child is different, so you need to adjust how you handle it according to your child. However, I do not recommend lying to her. Rather, adjust how much information you give her and in what form. My oldest daughter was 3 when my grandfather died. I was very close to him and she could tell something was wrong. It would have been easier in some ways to ignore the situation (she had met him on several occassions, but he lived a few hours away so she had not seen him much- note: she came to us in foster care at 2 1/2). I explained to her that I was sad because my grandpa died. Further explained that everyone and everything has a start in life, grows, and someday dies. In his case, I told her his heart was tired and could not work anymore. I read her a simple children's book on death and based on her reaction I chose to let her go to the wake and funeral. She was able to look at my grandpa and see that it looked like he was sleeping, but understand that he could not wake up anymore. I told her that he would always be with us in our hearts (because of the love we shared) and in our heads (because of the memories we shared). For several months, she would occassionally mention that great grandpa died and we would share a memory about him. Now she mentions him about once or twice a year if something reminds her of him. I have a number of children's books I have used over the years in my profession to help children understand and cope with death. Two simple ones that may help you explain the situation to your daughter are "I'll Always Love You," by Hans Wilhelm (boy and his dog, goes through the memories, grieving process, and how he is not ready for a new dog yet but when he is he will always remember his 1st dog) and "LIfetimes," by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen (talks about lifetimes of plants, animals, people). It may help her to even have a simple funeral or goodbye ceremony for her hamster. As I said, you know your child best and can adapt how much information you give her. Just be honest, as trying to hide things like this tends to backfire eventually. Good luck- I know it is not an easy subject to broach with children.

Answer 5

Tell her the truth. You never know, later in life, someone might let your secret slip and then your daughter trust in you may suffer.
I think it would be better to let her learn about death this way than for a her to lose a loved friend or family member and have to deal with the shock if death then.

She'll respect you a lot more if you're honest.

Answer 6

Yes, tell her. Sooner or later children will have to learn people and animals die. Life is difficult, but it happens. Use words that she will understand. Give her words to help describe how she is feeling. Tell her that its okay to be sad and to miss the hampster. Good luck..I know its hard. My kids at the ages of 7 and 4 found our cat hit in the road..I know how you feel.

Answer 7

Just use simple words.

It was getting old for a hamster and its little heart just stopped.

Little creature like that dont live very long.

We will get a new baby one.

Do not underestimate the kid's intelligence.

Answer 8

She is old enough to told. Was she close to the hamster? Your approach can depend on their relationship but definately tell her so that she will learn to trust you in the future.

Answer 9

yes, tell her and wait on the new pet. She will understand if you tell her in words that she understands. You try and replace the hampster without telling her and she may tell the difference between the two.

Answer 10

tell her the truth. my little sister cried after her pet died but they soon get over it, but say it went to heaven and is happy now!!! and don't buy a new one THAT fast, give it some time.