His son is 9, he lives in another state. My husband was never married before, and his son lives with his mom. His mom got married and it hurt my husband's son a lot, so now he is scarried to tell him we got maried too. but i don't want my husband keep in secret. Any comments?
2006-09-16 07:26:22 · 16 answers · asked by snowdrop 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
our ceremony was in CA, and all his family is in LA, so no one was at the ceremony
2006-09-16 07:33:19 · update #1
the best thing to do is just be honest . . . it might have been a smoother transition if the son had been included in the ceremony, but it's too late for that . . . just be honest with him .. and be sure to let him know that you are not trying to take the place of his mother . . but that you and his dad really love each other and that you made the commitment to each other to be together for the rest of your lives . . . just be honest and straight-forward . . no secrets . . . it may hurt him at first, but in the future, he will appreciate your honesty . . .
2006-09-16 07:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by ♥LoisLane♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am just curious. Why wasn't he at the wedding? If his son likes you or even if he didn't, I am sure he would like to have been there. I am just wondering, not being mean or anything. I lived with my dad, after my mom kicked me out and she and I were still on talking terms though. She married and did not invite me and it really made me think she was hiding something from me. She is weird though. I think you should tell him as soon as possible and invite him to an after wedding party type of dinner. How long ago was the wedding? Did you elope or have a small church wedding or what? If it was recent, then you could have a few family and friends over and when his son comes, make it like a family thing to include him and take pictures and have an informal type of dinner at home. That way he will feel like he was a part of it. You really need to make him feel included so that he will feel like he means a lot to you. Please do something like that. Don't worry about his mother. Those problems are not about you. He needs to learn about you. Let him get to know you. If he seems angry, then just be kind and give him space. But tell him now that you are married and invite him to the family gathering--make one and include him. That is my best advice.
2006-09-16 07:51:01 · answer #2 · answered by just julie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest, that scared or not, you tell him. Children remember everything, and I think it will only breed resentment on the part of your stepson if he finds out a year or so down the road, he might ask himself "why wasn't I good enough to know or be included"...Just make sure to reassure him that his dad getting married doesn't mean he loves his son any less, that as a matter of fact, now there is one more person in his life that he will be able to turn to for help and support and security. If I may ask, why wasn't his son involved in your lives and relationship before you got married so you could get him used to the idea of dad re-marrying? There are a couple of people in my large family that have step-children, and the kids were involved from day one, in the planning, and sometimes even included in the wedding ceremony, none of them were ever kept in the dark that their parent was with someone new and contemplating getting married again...
2006-09-16 07:35:43 · answer #3 · answered by Lu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all I am sorry. This is definately a difficult situation for you to be in and everyone can totally understand that. Your brain maybe telling you one thing and your heart another. I guess your pain at this moment is your own and try your best not to influence this pain to your son in any way. Rise above the situation. You at the moment it seems wont have much to do with your husband or this new woman therefore why pressurize yourself by personalizing it. Be detached and tell your son, he can see her later. For you forgiving your husband should be the first priority irrespective of how much you are hurt by this. Forgiveness will FOREMOST free you then anyone else. All the best. Even though you claim to be an atheist but may God still give you the patience and Love to rise above this.
2016-03-27 04:11:14 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why didnt he tell him before you got married? Now he is going to feel left out. Why would you keep something as significant as this a secret? Is he ashamed of the fact her married you? You should have already told him. The kid should always be kept informed and involved in all family events. You have already started resentment with this 9 year old. Hey, why not stop paying child support while your at it and make yourself a big hit.
2006-09-16 07:41:45 · answer #5 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The youngster should have been told before the fact, but that ship has sailed. It could be that he took his mother's getting married badly because he saw the new husband as a threat and he's jealous. It may not be that bad with his dad since he's not the primary person in the boys life. It might soften the blow if you could go and get acquainted with him, show him a little affection, so that he sees you as someone kind and friendly. Then, that you and his pop are married maybe won't seem such a blow.
2006-09-16 07:37:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit his son down. Introduce yourself and give him the news. When you're done, just reassure the son that you are not here to replace his mother. But make sure you and the son's mother is on the same page. Sometimes, it's the mother's attitude that can influence a childs relationship towards you. All-in-all, honesty and open communication between your husband's son and yourself should keep the bond smooth.
2006-09-16 07:34:11 · answer #7 · answered by Divo Saint 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would have been best to tell him before you two got married, but the next best thing is to still tell him the truth. If you start by lying to him, then theres a lot less chance of him liking you right off the bat.
2006-09-16 07:30:42 · answer #8 · answered by sluijs01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
children are tough
they can take just about anything as long as they are showed love and respect
it is never easy when families are fractured, but that injury has to be put behind him now
the boys parents are not married to each other, and in fact are married to someone else
it is sad that this happened, that the choices his parents made put him in this situation
but at this point, be honest, make sure his father lets him know that he loves him, no matter what, that his married status doesn't change things
you can't hide this marriage for ever and it would be pointless anyway
truth
love
kids are tough
2006-09-16 07:32:34 · answer #9 · answered by enginerd 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the boy is nine, not an infant. tell him the truth. the only reason he was upset that mom got married is because he can no longer call the shots. he has a stepdaddy to do it for him.
the boy sounds like a brat and needs a good buttkicking.
stop kicking your own butt and be honest.
2006-09-16 07:30:34 · answer #10 · answered by Forever Looking 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋