how is it that people can change how they feel about someone so quickly?

Question

I have had a ongoing relationship with this guy for about 2 years, it has never been super serious but both of us had other things going on in our lives. he has always been respectful of me, calling me regularly, treating me well and doing what he said he would in all aspects. Now, all of a sudden he isn't calling when he said he would and I can tell he simply doesn't feel that same. How can this happen so easily for some people? When i ask him about it he says he's sorry, that it doesn't mean he doesn't care, he still really loves me but just has a ton of work and family pressures. I believe him when he says this but then he just does it again and it really hurts. I have told myself that I should listen to his actions and not his words and I am working hard to get over him, but I just don't undestand how this happens to people? Any insight from the guys perspective, I need honest answers here...

Wouldn't people prefer to just be told straight up that things weren't the same and it was over. him telling me he still loves me and is just busy, is making me hate him because I feel like I don't know the truth and not doing what you say you are going to do feels alot like lying. I am trying to get over him except he pulls me back when ever he does actually call and tells me to be understanding and not to be mean and angry but how can I not when he doesn't follow through?

Answer 1

Perhaps because their initial feelings weren't deep to begin with? Sorry, not trying to be hurtful here.

I don't know for your particular situation, but sounds like maybe he was less "into" you than you were into him, and he's found someone else or has just realized that there's really no future for the 2 of you so it's better for him to back off. He sounds like he does still like you as a person and cares for you, which is good. It means you do have SOMETHING there with him. He doesn't sound like a jerk, just a guy trying to be honest. At least he's not being a d***head about it and treating you like trash just to break things off.

Good luck.

Answer 2

What augmom said.plus it sounds like he already met your replacement. Be prepared. This is what happened to me a few months ago. Out of the blue I got an email telling me I would always be loved but there were problems the other person had to work out. The problems must not have been that serious. Before I was even told I found out bigshot was putting profiles on every site on the planet. Yes, you're right it hurts. Very much. You are feeling betrayal and rejection. People are hurtful. But better to find out now.

Answer 3

well,it doesnt happen overnight,it keeps building to wht it is now in your case...you have 2 options,either you trust him about what he says and support him or else just call it off which you said you'v been doing....i know its gonna be very difficult to not have him again in your life but then you have to accept the fact and move on with life...take up some sport that'll really help you build your self confidence and make you feel positive and energized!and m sure you'll find someone better for yourself you'll love and respect you the way you do!!

Answer 4

Sounds to me like he cares about you but not as much as you deserve. If he's not putting your as a top priority, it's time to move on.

Some guys don't want to hurt you so they hope you will take a hint. And yes, actions speak much much louder than words. His actions are saying I'm not that into you - sorry.

Answer 5

This is one of the vagaries of human nature.Somebody gets tired all on a sudden and changes overnight without any rhyme and reason.In this particular case, he was conditioned to caring you. But in the depths of his heart, he took you casually. Now your attitude should be one of insouciance.The question of attaching any importance does not arise. Time is a great healer. Best of luck!

Answer 6

You should talk to him . and ask him if he still care and love you . maybe his seeing someone else . because in my case i had a boy friend whose like that . were going steady for almost a year and he told me that im the marrying type of girl and he really want to spend the rest of his life with me . and after a month . he told me that he doesn't love me anymore . tell him to tell you the truth . some guys are really like that >>>> it's like changing their undies .

Answer 7

"it has never been super serious"
thats probably why.

people can change their mind fast, epceially like you said its not so serious i guess it meant you guys are nto so deep in love.

i faced similar problems, theres this guy i like and he liked me at first we talked alot but later on we stoped talking for no reason, but we still like each other yet it hurts me when i don't talk or sees him. so i preaty much gived up on him. 1 month later i realized i was an idiot for trying to push him to talk to me.

your expecting a bit much of attension, your just not use to him paying less attension to you. once your married you'll realize husband and wife don't say i love you or other stuff 24/7.

Answer 8

Maybe it is that he has other priorities in his life and you don't register that high. However, if that is the case, why do you want to be with someone who doesn't hold up his end of the bargain.

I think maybe his interests might be in another girl. He probably isn't sleeping with her but he seems someone he might like.

Answer 9

My sweety says they lose interest when all their needs are not met it maybe o.k. at first but when they find someone else that they feel is better then what they have at home it is easier to move on...

Answer 10

that's because the feelings were never serious from the start.

it could be infatuation or lust. and chances are, he needed somebody to lean on when nobody else is around him.