My son and his girlfriend have lived with me for 3 yr. they had a baby 2 yrs ago. she & baby left the state.

Question

I haven't seen my grandson for 2 mos. My son won't discuss the situatiion with family, says it's his business. I am very worried about this baby. His mother wasn't very could at caring for him when they lived here.Although I kept my opinions to myself so not to cause problems, I did see a lot of neglect.( Dirt diapers, missed feedings, days without bathing child & wearing same clothes for days, baby ignored alot, baby rarily allowed out of bedroom.) Most of the time the rest of the household would just step in and give him the care he needed or he just wouldn't get it.
Now that she is gone and we haven't seen or heard anything, GOD only knows what kind of condition he is in. Please give me some kind of advice about what I can do. I am truely deeply worried about his welfare. I live in NJ and I don't know what kind of rights I might have as a grandmother. I really am so worried that something might happen to that child, if it hasn't already.

Answer 1

You need to have a mature conversation with your son.
Grandparents have very few rights, but your son has rights to see his child.

Answer 2

If I am not mistaken, Grandparents nowadays have legal rights. I mean seriously...There are cases such as yourself, where the mother has the child, and won't let the grandparents see the child, lets say the mother is ticked off at the father and may not like her mother/father in law, so she keeps the grandparents away from the child...There are laws that give the grandparents the right for visitation...I don't know what NJ laws are, you need to contact a laywer that deals with family/custody issues. Should be able to answer your questions alot better than any of us could....

Answer 3

You have no rights. Only the parent has rights concerning the child. Since they are not married even the father has only limited rights. It's all in favor of the mother at this point. There is almost nothing you can do since they have left your household. You should have reported them to Family and Children Services when you had proof and could have had an agent visit your house to document the evidence. Now is too late.

Answer 4

Call DSS. The Way I See It, If She Dies, Your The Next Mother In Line. And If She Ain't Being A Mother To Her Child, Then You Should Be Taking Care Of The Baby. So Call DSS. Im Serious. The Last Thing Society Needs Is Another Unraised Child.....

Answer 5

My husband and I just read your story here. We suggest that you contact social services. If thats not the right place, they can at least get you going in the right direction.

If your son is really the father, married or not, he has rights. She can not just get up and leave and hide the way she is.

You, as the childs grandmother, have full right to go tell someone what has happened. Family services needs to know that she doesnt take care of this child.

We wish you the best of luck in finding your grandchild.

Answer 6

Personally, I don't know about the rights of grandparents in the state of NJ, but you should contact your local Department of Social Services. They should be able to give you more answers as to if you have rights as a grandparent or direct you to where you could go to find out. You should express your concerns to them about the neglect that you saw while they were living in your household. If you know her full name or Social Security number, they can put it in their database and may be able to find out where she is now. Another question is, did she and your son ever go to court to establish paternity and custodial rights? There are laws where they have to protect the rights of the custodial parent. They probably won't be able to tell you where she is, but if you tell them about the suspected neglect, they can pass that on to the Department of Social Services where she lives and they can investigate (if she is receiving some type of aid..example: Aid to Families with Dependent Children or Food Stamps). I pray everything is well with your grandson and that he is getting the proper care that is needed. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 7

Wow -- this is probably not a good time to remind you that it's a little late to want to do something helpful after years of bad decision making. Unfortunately, when the "right" decisions haven't been made to begin with, there will be no way to magically put the pieces back in place later. Humpty Dumpty is broken.

So what to do? Work with what is actually within your realm of influence -- namely, your son. You need to "lay down the law" as far as your expectations concerning him (no more live-ins is a good start, curfews, no drinking-drugs, etc..) You can also encourage him to exercise his parental rights as father; of course, if he's unwilling to do so, you can't make him.

Old habits are hard to break; they take years to forms -- it's going to take years to get out of this mess.

Answer 8

I understand your concern. My best adivce is to call your local CPS and get advice to help you out. There may not be a case right now but at least you filled one. It may look bad that you had them living with you and you did nothing about the mothers neglect. Maybe your son did something to her he is ashamed of and is keeping it from you guys like cheating on her. If he was a real father he would have already had custody of his baby knowing how mad of a mother she was. I know that there isnt much you can do being that you do not have any info on her or the baby but it doesnt hurt to start a file.

Answer 9

I am sure in your view that you were probably doing the best you possibly can for your son and his family. Unfortunately, his child's mother may not see it that way. She may think that your son is a mamas boy that will not take the initiative to move his family out on their own. You can be the nicest mother in law in the world but, I damn sure would not want to live with you for 3 years. Being out on her own may make her become the better caring mother she needs to be. The only thing you can do is support your son's decision to take care of his family's situation. Be careful, because while you could be upset with her, your son could be very happy with her decisions which leaves you out in the cold. Unless, he really is a mamas boy. Sometimes people leave things undone because they know that someone else is going to step in and do it for them. Sounds lazy to you doesn't it? To the other person it doesn't. It sounds like well damn, I gotta do things on her time or she will go ahead and do it for me.
You need to talk to your son to ask him what does he want for his family. Your son needs to talk to her and ask her is their a future for all of them together. If not, what kind of arrangements can he make as far as seeing his child.

Answer 10

WELL tell you this you have grandparents rights. YOU could contact your local welfare office and tell them your concerns. BUT i wonder where that would leave you with your son. Looks like he has made a decision to remain quiet over the matter. BUT the father has rights as well. MAYBE you both can team up. IF your son dont speak to you write all your concerns in a letter . Give him the letter. TEll him you will work with him, and you support him.

Answer 11

Go 2 child services/social services.
Tell them UR concerns, they will have the means 2 trace UR grandson.
U have rights, look in2 what access U can have 2 C him.
Not surprised UR worried, he could B anywhere & god knows if she's bucked her ideas up on how important caring 4 her son is.