Why do the grown-ups leave their parents alone to silently die amongst the walls of the old-age homes?

Question

Looking at the present situation, when the children are in the threshold of a new career or a new married life, they leave the aged parents to die alone. It is the parents, who nurture these children and teach them the ABC of life and the children in turn chuck the parents out of the house when it is their turn to nurture them. Have our relationships become so meaningless or in this race against time, do we have really forgotten to care for our most precious treasures?

Answer 1

At a certain point of life they forget that they would one day become parents.
Secondly, they think money can do anything for them so for temporary peace and to satisfy the other life partner they dump they aged parents in the home thinking they are a burden to them.
thirdly, they forget that it was his/her mother who had borne them for 10months and took all the trouble in bringing the child into this world.
and so on...

Answer 2

I think your question is kinda harsh and a bit judgmental...that isn't the story for alot of people. Sometimes you don't even know that is happening. I got a call from a family service group in another state about my Gram(she is 90 and living independently still holds a part time job and is more active than my mom!)....she hated her apartment and was going to put all her stuff in storage and move out. Which is fine for just about anyone...only she is 90 and didn't have another apartment lined up and they told me that if she gave up her apartment (without another place already) the state would take guardianship of her and slam her into a home and take all her money and her Independence and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Now I live over 16 hours away from her by car, and she hasn't spoken to my mom(her only child) since 1984. And I have three kids on a shoestring budget...all I can do is talk to her and try to help her get an apartment near to where I live...but the waiting list is 1-2 YEARS long. I talk to her every other week or so and all she talks about is how much she hates where she lives...and all I can do is tell her to hold on....but I can't control what she does...and once the state steps in....
So you can see, maybe it's not anyone's fault.....

Answer 3

Some times the caring for the parent is too overwhelming for the grown-up. Life today isn't like life 30 or 40 years ago when the 'mom' could stay at home with the kids. And the parents, if it came to it.
Today, the modern family is looking at a two career household with barely enough time to keep up with their own kids, let alone try to keep up with aging parents as well. A lot of older folks are experiencing Alzheimer's and wander around aimlessly like a two year old. And as it progresses, it only gets worse. A lot of kids try to care for aging parents only find out that it's a lot more difficult than they thought.
But rest assured, not all of us would stick them in a home. I'm keeping my father in his home as long as I can and hoping I don't have to resort to a nursing home. But I'd rather have him there and safe, over having him with me and not being able to provide the proper care for him.

Answer 4

There may be reasons you just don't see. In a world where most family's require 2 incomes just to make ends meet it is almost impossible to take care of an elderly parent properly. I help my mother take care of my 85 yr old grandmother. She has lots of physical problems and it is difficult. There is also medical issues that may not allow them to stay with family. If someone has Alzheimer's disease then they would need to be in an environment that is more secure that the home of a child. What if they get violent toward grandchildren or even their own child. Would you want to be around that, could you handle that kind of thing. What if the were incontinent, are you ready to change adult diapers and wipe butts? There are a lot of reasons for putting aging parents in a nursing home and most of them are in the best interest of the elderly

Answer 5

I think you've made it seem worse then it really is, at least in most cases.
I'll give you an analogy. A good friend of my family is having a dilemma. She is 1 of 3 siblings, and her mother is becoming older and much harder to take care of. Her two brothers are very much busy with their lives, with their family and children. Although they love their mother, they are not able to care for her whilst living their own lives. Unfortunatly, my friend has no husband or children, and everyone has therefore just assumed her role and job is to care for her mother's every wishes. My friend doesn't live the best life.. she isn't living her life to the full as she should be entitlted to.

People make babies in the hope that they will grow up, learn, live their lives and prosper. Unfortunatly, however, when people get old they are unable to care for themselves a lot of the time. This can be a burden on their children who feel oblidged to help the people who have provided them with endless love, but at times it can get too much and eventually interfiers greatly with their own lives. This is where the decision is made to transfer them to old-age facilities, where care is provided, and company is sufficient. This isn't done to banish away people we don't care about, but in the hope they both their older parents get better care, and that the children can fully live their lifes as they have been brought up to.

Answer 6

I guess it really depends on the situation. My dad just had to put my grandmother in a nursing home, and it broke his heart. We were no longer able to take care of her as much as she needed and his siblings were not willing to help. Grandma couldn't walk, couldn't eat, couldn't go to the bathroom by herself, and none of us is strong enough to lift her and get her there. She needed daily physical therapy. She also suffers from dementia and kept calling the police, wandering out of the house, and screaming at everyone who she believed thought she was crazy (including my 28 year-old brother who has Down syndrome and my 6 year-old daughter, neither of whom understood what was going on).

Grandma is actually enjoying her new home. She's made lots of new friends. We visit daily and take her dinner often so that she doesn't miss out on her favorites. And best of all, with round-the-clock medical care, her health is improving and so is our peace of mind. At some point, we will probably consider bring her back to live with my parents if her health continues improving and/or we feel that is no longer the right place for her. But for now, she is in a home and I don't belive that should be judged as us chucking her out and forgetting to care for her. We are just doing what we feel is best for everyone at this point in time.

Answer 7

In the present social conditions such changes in the living conditions of aged persons have come as stark reality as most of the aged parents have a long span of life,thanks to advancement in medical science and improvement in living conditions.It is far better than the lives of the aged in forests in olden days killed by wild animals or going on pilgrimage to Benares and dying of deceases through inclement weather conditions.

Answer 8

Pretty deep subject for this place, but one that obviously needs to be evaluated by everyone sooner or later.

I don't know when people started trying to ignore their family responsibilities. I saddens me terribly though.

My mother died a few years back, and I have been doing everything I possibly can to get my father to move closer to me. His health is failing, and he's gone through a series of surgeries , which I have been there for. But he refuses to move closer to me. My own situation is as you mentioned yourself, truly beginning to yield positive results after years of work. He keeps saying that he probably doesn't have much time left, and it would be too much work to relocate now.And, he keeps saying he doesn't want to be a bother.

The whole situation is killing me, the thought of him being alone and so far away with no one to look after him.
However, an "old-age home" is not an option!
I would never allow it, nor would he want it.

Somehow, the family values and responsibilities MUST return to our society , or we are all doomed.

Answer 9

I think nowadays parents are more independent. It is not that always the children are at fault. But there are times when children need to take their own decisions and take up their own responsilibilities. But too much of interference of parents in all matters leads to irratiblity and misunderstandings which land up parents thinking that are not needed.

Answer 10

yes friend ur right. this is what happening at present. u know when i see old people begging i really feel very bad. i dont understand how could they leave there parents like that. but i think is that how we treat our parents our children will also treat us like that only.