my bf of 15 yrs i know has been seeing a girl in person who he met on the internet, we r still living together, i know its now broken up i dont know if he slept with her, i still love him desperately, and we still get on, it all started to go wrong cos of our hard time consuming jobs but i havnt slept with him for 4 yrs can i get over this and move on with him or is it over
2006-09-16 03:23:54 · 23 answers · asked by cheryl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you've been living together with him and haven't slept with him for four years, you can pretty much take it for granted that it's over. What the heck has been holding you back, if you "love him desperately"? Something doesn't compute.
Pull him aside, ask him where the two of you stand. Ask if you should stop living together. Most likely that's what would be best for both of you.
Move on, find someone you don't just love, but can also sleep with!
2006-09-16 03:30:12 · answer #1 · answered by Bramblyspam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my last repsonse to your last question I said you were punishing him. If you are doing this please be honest and tell the group.
Cheryl this doesn't work for you or him. You knew four years ago what the deal was at that point you should have either
(a) accepted him back, laid down any conditions on your new relationship, had him checked out if necessary and started sleeping with him again
(b) OR moved on
You have taken the worst possible option for yourself and probably the most painful for you both, the middle ground where you keep examining the facts over and over and over again without moving past the issue. If he still wants you after four years of being punished sort your life out and choose (a) or (b) and start living your life to the full again now.
Please make your choice based on what you feel, there is no "Right" way to live your life, nobody's standard to uphold. Just make yourself happy and stop punishing yourself and others.
2006-09-16 10:41:43 · answer #2 · answered by lifeontrack2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its over. Do you realise that you are both posting questions on the site at the same time. By the way if you love him so much why won't you let go of the 'mental' cheating, ask him if he slept with her or not and believe him when he answers. And I don't believe you when you say you love him terribly but you haven't had sex in 4 years and you are living together.
2006-09-16 10:31:31 · answer #3 · answered by Richard C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you two have a serious communication problem.
Firstly he says he didn't sleep with her. However even if he did it was 4 yrs ago. Is the reason you are not sleeping with him punishment for his affair? You are sending very mixed messages, on one hand you are saying I don't trust you anymore, but then you haven't left him and are maintaining a normal relationship. Surely he has gained your trust by going without sex for 4yrs, most men would take that as licence TO cheat.
I don't know what you want. If you want to stay with him, learn to trust him and fulfil all parts of the relationship.
If you can't do that move on. I recommended to your partner that you both seek therapy of some kind.
2006-09-16 13:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by As You Like It 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my heart goes out to you hun 15years is a long time to be with someone and for this to happen to you, to be honest i dint think he was meeting this girl for a daily chat, and as ye haven't slept together in so long it sounds a bit sus hun! you say you still love him desperately, then try and make a go of it, get marriage counselling, it can get to the root of the problems ye are having and who knows it could make the relationship stronger, try going out for a romantic meal dress up really nice make a special effort, it will make him see that you are trying, maybe he thinks you have lost interest in him and is craving some physical attention and that is why he is tempted to look elsewhere, what id like to know is why the sex life has sizzled out in the first place... all couples have their bad patches is there more to this? i hope you will sort things out, and ye will be happy but it takes two.
2006-09-16 10:46:59 · answer #5 · answered by EMMA O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to hear this but Yes it's over. I know it feels like the easy thing to do - to stay with him but it isn't. You need to end it coz the longer you leave it the worse it will get.
I'm not saying it's going to be easy by any means but the sooner you end it the sooner you'll get over him and the sooner the pain will stop.
Good luck
.
2006-09-16 10:31:23 · answer #6 · answered by tom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say its over with. You haven't slept with him in 4yrs. The dick has been for somebody, else sure not u! Move on and find another b/f. Stop clinging to someones else man.
2006-09-16 10:28:35 · answer #7 · answered by cilstubbs2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't slept with him in 4 yrs, he is definitely banging someone else. Move on.
2006-09-16 10:26:46 · answer #8 · answered by Joe S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to say babe, but it does sound like it is over, you havent has sex for 4 years, and your partner is meeting people on the internet?
sorry babe, move on and find someone who will support you with your time consuming job.
2006-09-17 05:45:29 · answer #9 · answered by Dan G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already answered this for yourself, it's time to move one, if he cheated you once then there is always that chance that he will do it again, especially since it seems like you are making excuses for him.
2006-09-16 10:36:02 · answer #10 · answered by coconutsmh86 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋